


Little Jason Has Daddy Issues.

by emotionalcello



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst, Batman is ooc bcs i gave him TOO MUCH feelings, Bottom Jason Todd, But not that much, Canon Compliant, Feelings, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Incest?, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Little Jason, M/M, Mention of wedding, Not really that canon tbh, Romance, Tbh I think most of them are ooc, batman has feelings, there's some sexual touches but not sex lol, you know which wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:33:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalcello/pseuds/emotionalcello
Summary: Inspired by when he has PTSD he kept seeing the time he was beaten up by the Joker, and his young self always wanted him to help, which Jason couldn’t, knowing it was all in his head.Jason keeps seeing Little Jason at random times. What Little Jason wants? At first it was petty little things, but then he pries to everything Jason had ignored all this time, and little Jason won't stop bitching until he gets what he wants. That was fine too, then Little Jason asked for something Jason had given up for. Internal dilemma and an unsure but bold move later... maybe having Bruce aren't that impossible of a wish.This fic won't be finished, and I gave permission to everyone picking this up, or just take the idea. I gave permission to take this fic whole word for word, or heavily edit, this fic is up for grabss, have fun! (Edit : OK so I changed my mind, if someone already taking the idea that's okay, but I'm finishing this fic lol)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I changed my mind about this fic. I finished it, and about to post it in appropriate readable chapter.... Of and I already finished it. But I'm gonna edit it and grammarlly the f out of it before posting. And of course i listened to Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood for maximum mood.
> 
> ANd DESCLAIMER, I'm not a hardcore DC fan, so some event might have been annoyingly kinda canon but not really canon it's weird.
> 
> enjoy?

 

It’s not every day that Jason stays over in some random inhabited building, but he had to tonight because of various reasons. One, it was raining. Two, one of his safe houses is too far for his wounded self to get over there. A stab on the thigh, grazing the artery, but he managed to press his wound to keep the blood from spilling too much. There’s an open medkit beside him, used to stitch his wound, which should be enough to keep him from bleeding out to death.

 

Riding his bike with this kind of wound wouldn’t be a problem if the bike was not a few blocks away, and there are literally dozens of henchmen still looking for his ass.

 

So he stayed in that building. An apartment under construction, up to the third floor. Not too high, not too low, and he has all the options to escape if he was found. Jason cuts open his pants a little bit more, taking a first aid kit from the pockets of his jacket. He takes off his helmet to take in air a little better. He patches himself up like he did every day, disinfecting his wound always feel shitty, at least his hand didn’t tremble like the first time he stitches himself up.

 

Now that he’s all good, as good as a stabbed person could be, it’ll be nice if he could rest peacefully.

 

But you see, Jason has a thing with abandoned building and enclosed space. That thing is flashbacks. He knows enclosed space triggers him, that’s why he chooses this floor that only has the walls half done. Despite trying, he showed up again, his pre-teen self in that god awful green shorts.

 

Something’s a bit off though, there’s no Joker in sight, his kid self is not battered up and pretty much spotless. Smiling with that cocky curled up lips, not begging him for help and wishing he was dead.

 

Yeah, something is off.

 

But Jason knew this is just all in his head, so he looks away and takes a deep breath. Taking a cig from his jacket that’s miraculously dry and lit one up.

 

“Hey! Don’t ignore me!”

 

Jason paused, turning around with a lit cig on his lips. His little self is right in front of him, looking up with an angry frown on his face. Just like his usual episodes, Jason plays along.

 

“What do you want?” Jason asked… himself, breathing out white pale smoke.

 

“Man, I’d kill for a smoke right now too, can I have that?” Little Jason, he started calling his other self, make grabby hands at his cig.

 

Jason quirk up an eyebrow, “Can you even smoke?” as in… can his hallucinations grab his cigarette?

 

Jason hands Little Jason his cig, and the smaller hand went through his own hand. Jason sighed in relieve, at least he knows that he’s hallucinating, and the kid in front of him is not some kind of another fucked up in reality. As Jason was relieved, Little Jason was not happy, pouting like a kid.

 

The night is still young, he’s definitely not sleeping here or any time soon with the pain in his thigh, and he’s not moving with a search party for his head still going on. Until things get calmer, Jason decides to play along.

 

“So, what terror is coming with you today?” Jason sits down on the cement floor, groaning as he moves with his wound.

 

“What? Afraid of little ol’ me?” Little Jason crossed his arms, smirking confidently with a puffed up chest. Jason completely forgot he was like that back then, confident, cocky, feeling like he can take anything in the world thrown at him, and boy does the world proven him wrong in a hard way. And his face looks adorably cute too, oblivious of it all.

 

“Nah, just sick of your face,” Jason playfully sneers.

 

“Yea I’m sick of your face too!” Little Jason spat back and huffed.

 

Jason ignored him some more, looking away to the rain and the damp smell mixed with the smoke of his cig. Eyes empty as he looks away, trying to focus on anything but the pain, and the boy sitting next to him completely silent, and not showing any sign of fading.

 

“I’m tired,” little Jason chirped, less snappy than before.

 

Jason, wanting to say ‘then disappear’, opted to tone it down for his imaginary self, “Sleep then.”

 

“Can you tell me a story?” Little Jason asked bashfully, looking away with pink in his cheeks, who knew he could look so cute? Jason didn’t mind a little reading, especially for himself, he does love to read when he wants or can’t sleep.

 

“Fine, Anna Karenina?”

 

“Nah, something with more suspense.”

 

“American Psycho?”

 

“Not _that_ much.”

 

“Perfume.”

 

“… What’s that?”

 

Then Jason realized that he didn’t read that particular novel when he was a child. Only recently he finished reading that book.

 

“You’ll like it, trust me,” Jason smirked, excited as well to re-read the novel, and opened the pdf file in his phone.

 

“If you like it, then I will, since you’re basically me,” little Jason pointed out while Jason just shrugged.

 

Jason read the novel out loud, in a low and soft voice. Jason would look down occasionally, and the third time he does, little Jason has his head on his shoulder, but Jason didn’t feel a thing.

 

Jason reads some more until Jean-Baptiste becomes an apprentice of a perfumer. Engrossed in the story, Jason looks down after a while and found the child gone. It does feel a little quiet, a little empty and lonely. At least things are back to normal,  the rain cleared up and he's pretty rested up.

 

He should get up and return to his safe house before dawn. Despite wanting to read some more, Jason tucks his phone in and walks out of the building. He’ll be damned if he says it out loud, but the night was pretty nice with little Jason, just conversing casually, and not telling him he’s better off dead.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Jason took back what he said in his head. His hallucination popped up pretty much everywhere whenever and randomly, basically whenever the fuck that brat wants. Spending time with the kid was kinda good at first, but then, one trait he recognizes from the child, is that he’s annoyingly demanding, now gradually even more.

 

From petty little thing like wanting to kick a certain guy in the face, or as simple as ice cream in the middle of stakeout. Sometimes he would give little Jason what he wants, sometimes Jason won’t or couldn’t, and little Jason won’t stop appearing in his line of sight, literally just to make a pouting face. Well, Jason was annoyed only at the first few times, and he might sound crazy admitting this, but he still enjoys the company. Ok maybe not crazy, that’s just straight up pathetic and sad that your only friend is… yourself.

 

Wait, that’s not true, is it? He has a handful of friends, despite being a stubborn piece of shit himself. Yes, that half of them is somewhere across the world or universe, and a half of them is Dick, Tim (when he’s not being a smartass), and Roy… he missed him.

 

“Yeah, you should check up on him.” Jason doesn’t have to look up from his aim to know who that twink voice belongs to. “Hey! Don’t call me a twink!”

 

His bullets landed right beside a man’s head, the body under his boots whimpered by the scare.

 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry Mr. Hood I won’t do it again please please please.” That man is shaking like a leaf, but Jason’s boot keeps him in place.

 

“If I had a dollar every time you say you won’t do it again I would’ve been rich by now,” not that he isn’t now, drugs business is always flourishing after all, “and I wouldn’t need you,” Jason pressed his gun on the man’s head.

 

“Nononono please don’t kill me, I’ll do anything!”

 

“Thought you never ask… Cuz I got another bug need squishin’… remember your other boss Marco Castello?”

 

The man gasps, breathing like he’s chocked, “No… Marco would kill me… He doesn’t fuck around man, he would--”

 

“And I do?” Jason pulls another trigger, now the bullet’s scrapes the face, “tell me where he’s shipping the women, now!” Jason put the barrel of the gun on the man’s head.

 

“Okay okay okay! To Gotham! They’re shipping them to Gotham! I swear I swear I-I-I’m tellin’ the truth!”

 

“When,” Jason demanded.

 

“A week from now, the 16th.”

 

Satisfied, Jason lifts up his boots, “scram,” he growled, and the man didn’t wait for a second to get back up his feet and did just that.

 

A loud whistle filled the quiet alley, Jason forgot he was out.

 

“Good to know I grew up to be feared I guess,” little Jason was in his Robin costume now, not the one with the shorts, but the one with the pants.

 

“Changing outfit?” Jason leaned beside his hallucinations, weird enough.

 

“Yeah, I like this better.”

 

“No one else could see you anyway, don’t need to wear a suit when I do.”

 

“Just let me have this okay?” little Jason pleaded, not demanding, which is out of character and weird for Jason to hear… this is still _his_ hallucination, right?

 

“Fine.” Jason shrugged, walking deeper to the alley to where his bike is.

 

“I wanna meet Roy!” Little Jason exclaimed.

 

“I don’t have time for your whims.” Jason walks a little faster, hopped on his bike and drive away.

 

It’s 3 AM, and the drive to his nearest safe house is an hour away. Night’s cold, the road is quiet, only a few people peppered all over the street and the alleys that know better than stare. Jason gotta give it to himself, he loves nights like this. The adrenaline from the high speed made his body hot, contrast with the cold air going in his lungs. It feels like flying, feels like jumping off the top of the building.

 

When he reached his safehouse, Jason felt a little okay, but it doesn’t last long.

 

“I. Want. Roy.” Jason turned around this time, staring down at his younger self with regular clothes, that same old red hoodie and torn up black jeans. This is one of the times when little Jason is annoyingly more demanding. He bites back the words on the tip of his tongue.

 

“We can’t meet him,” Jason grumbled, ignoring him and taking off his gear once he’s inside his room.

 

“What… Why???”

 

“You fucking knew why!”

 

“We can just call him! I know he’s on rehab, but I miss him--”

 

“You demanding fuck, Roy is dead!” He felt his voice rings, echoes in his head.

 

He didn’t know if he should be pissed or angry or just broods. He hated remembering, that his friend is gone, and the last thing he did was saved him, and Jason couldn’t save him back. His anger melts when he saw little Jason’s face frowning and crying. Doesn’t make him less pissed, but why is his chest starting to tighten.

 

“You’re playing me, aren’t you?” Jason steps closer, looms over the child, “You knew. You said you knew because you’re me and all that bullshit…” Jason spat, but receive no comeback from his hallucination.

 

Little Jason ducks his perfect black haired head down to his shoes, hiding his face in both his palms. Then Jason hears him sobs, little sobs that sound terrifyingly familiar.

 

“Don’t fucking cry you baby, I don’t easily cry” Jason spat, just to make little Jason spat back at him, an attempt to make himself stop crying, but failed.

 

“I didn’t know Roy died,” little Jason said with a broken voice.

 

“I thought you know what I know.” Jason squints his eyes, suspicious.

 

“Because it didn’t feel like he died, you didn’t think he is,” little Jason steps back, laid against the wall and teary eyes on Jason, “why is everyone leaving?” He whimpered.

 

“It’s just how it is,” Jason shrug, trying to not take little Jason’s words to the heart. He knew those words are the thing he would never ask to himself, for the sake of his sanity. “People wearing those masks are living on borrowed time, one day it’ll be our turn too.”

 

“Will anyone misses us when we’re gone?”

 

That does it for Jason. He never wanted to think much of it, his feelings are better off buried and never mentioned. But now, he gets to hear the hidden insecurity resurface. Ironically, the one that dug it up is none other than himself, this hallucination of his little self.

 

Fuck he hated it, hated hearing his own thoughts, and he can’t silence it.

 

“I should’ve known,” little Jason chirps again with that pathetic painful whining, and Jason swore if he could he would wring that little neck. “Being Robin doesn’t change anything, in the end, no one remembers me, we’ll be forgotten like the dead bodies in crime alley.”

 

“Shut up!” Jason boomed, in a desperate and pointless gesture try to cover little Jason’s lips, and he was baffled out of mind when he succeeds.

 

He could touch his hallucinations, that means this isn’t in his head? What… then who is this?

 

“What are you?” Jason muttered, though pressing his hand with power, little Jason grabbed his wrist, and without any effort pull his hand away.

 

“What’s the point of being a hero?” little Jason ignores Jason’s question, eyes void, “What’s the point of saving innocent lives that never see us as heroes, and the family that sees us as some abomination?”

 

“It doesn’t matter!” Jason shrug away the hold on his wrist, “I’m not doing this for fame, or my name on history books, or a memorial statue! Do you remember that person that covers us with blankets when we were sleeping on asphalt?”

 

Little Jason seems caught off guard and shook his head.

 

“How about the people that gave us food from time to time? Or the people behind the soup kitchen we went to, or that guy that paid for the medicine you stole for mom because you got caught by the pharmacist, hm?”

 

Little Jason went silent and still.

 

“No, you don’t remember their name, not even their face anymore, but they saved you, one day at a time you were saved by the people less shitty than Gotham’s standards. I don’t want to be remembered, but at least I could save them that day, today, just to live another day… like the people did to us.”

 

Jason’s voice grew quieter, softer, he doesn’t know why his anger melted just like that. He never one to look back to his life. But now he did, and there are times when it’s hard, but people like the ones that helped him selflessly, brings his faith back in humanity.

 

“But I’m lonely,” little Jason whimpered, eyes down to his shoes.

 

Jason sighed, his fist and hear clenched at the word, he still hated hearing his feelings out loud. This time, he knew he can’t run away, can’t hide, can’t bury it deep, then there’s only one thing left he could do.

 

He wraps his arms around the smaller body, “I know,” he finally admits.

 

And this time, he felt his hallucination touching him, hugging him back.

 

They stayed for a while until little Jason stop sobbing until the pain in Jason’s chest eased. It’s been a while since he hugged someone, the contact felt nice, though this is nothing but a figment of his imagination, it felt as if someone is really here for him. It’s nice and all but, Jason has to clench down whenever little Jason whisper Roy’s name.

 

He’s dead, ok, why did he have to rub that on Jason? Can’t he see he tried dealing with it too, he’s hurt by his death too, mourn even—

 

“Then mourn Jason,” little Jason break the silence.

 

“Got no time for it.”

 

“See, that’s the reason,” little Jason push him away slightly, something he thought his hallucinations couldn’t do.

 

“You cried 10 days after mom died, took you that long, this time is even longer,” little Jason raised his hand up to cup Jason’s face, noticed how frail his fingers then.

 

“He would whoop my ass if I wasted a second weeping about him, at least I’ll always remember him.”

 

“I know,” little Jason ensured.

 

“He’s stupid most of the times, but I got his back. Now he’s gone, and I… just… glad I told him how much he means to me when I last saw him.” Jason pressed his lips into a smile.

 

Brought his feet down to kneel in front of his little self, wiping tears from the little scowling face, “we’ll be okay.”

 

“Promise?” the younger croaks, is this how he really sounds? Man, that’s some heartbreaking shit, no wonder Bruce takes him in.

 

“I’m not gonna sugar coat things to ya kid, know that’s what I hated the most, still is. We’re throwing ourselves to danger every day, so does the ones we cared about. We’ll be hurt, so will they, and then they die… We’re gonna have bumps, but we’ll try, one day at a time, live one day at a time.”

 

Jason didn’t receive any words as a reply, little Jason threw himself on him and wrap his arms to hug him.

 

His head lay on his shoulders, then in a quiet whisper, but sharp like a knife “you can’t lie to me,” and his body vanished.

 

Whatever that means, Jason knows nothing at all, he wished he didn’t get to know.

 

 

+++++++++

 

 

He gets to know what it means.

 

The thought barely scratches his mind, only there for a flash. Before Jason could brush it off, little Jason was here with his demanding wishes. He can’t and won’t fulfill his wish this time. He loves that city, but not tonight.

 

“I mean I miss gargoyle too, but--”

 

“But nothing, enjoy what’s on your plate.” Jason cuts his child imagery.

 

Then they grow silent again, sitting on each side of the gargoyle statue. The thing is ugly, but the views from up here are the nicest, and this statue was the closest thing he had for a friend back then.

 

“And because he always finds you,” little Jason adds, cheeky little bastard. “I love it here since he always comes and picks me up.”

 

Hate to admit it, really really resents it, but little Jason was right. It wasn’t cuz he was lonely or the view, and gargoyle were just a bonus. He loves this place because this is the place where Bruce would find him, and whatever fuck up things Jason did, Bruce comes to pick him up and forgive him. Back then, no matter how many days he disappears, his mom and dad would never look for him, sometimes Jason hid here just for the joy to be found and picked up.

 

“He won’t anymore, probably just looking in the distance in case I’m gonna pull another stunt,” Jason said.

 

“Maybe, but you want to though.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Fuck you too, you know I’m right, I’m always right because—”

 

“Yeah yeah, you’re me,” Jason surrendered.

 

Jason gave up on fighting his younger self a long time ago. The child is stubborn, and god knows how long little Jason is gonna stick on his mind. Jason takes in a deep breath. It’s a bit damp that night, the air is never clear in Gotham, just how he’s used to. Closed his eyes and feel the cold air, then opening his eyes to the reddish blank sky above. Can’t see stars in Gotham, they are outshined by Gotham itself as the stars.

 

He hated going back to this dump oh a city, but he’s following down the human trafficker, and this is where Marco Castello decide to do business. Of course it is, this city attracts the likes of him. He knows full well Red Hood’s not welcomed in Gotham anymore, Batman won’t let him do his work, and fuck Batman… The faster he’s done with this the quicker he gets to leave.

 

“Bet he’ll be here aaany minute now,” little Jason sung.

 

“Yeah yeah,” Jason takes a drag of his smoke, the bud burns his gloves, there goes the second one of tonight.

 

“It can’t be that bad, I miss him, you miss him—”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“What’s this with you and—”

 

“I’m begging you…” Jason’s voice is soft, lowering and begging, “please shut up, you’ll get what you want soon, just let me… leave me alone.”

 

“Pssh, suit yourself.”

 

So, Jason smokes, and little Jason sings. He’s not looking forward to seeing the old bat, but little Jason has been pestering him for days. Days. The whole day just non-stop ‘I wanna meet Bruce’, and for once, his hallucination is taking a toll on him.

 

“What you’re doing here Red Hood?” there he is. Fuck, he thought he still has a few more hours.

 

“Bruce!! You came!” Little Jason cheered, stood up hastily and run behind him, doesn’t have to look back to know little Jason must’ve gone through his body when he tried to hug Bruce.

 

True enough, didn’t take Batman a few seconds pause to stand where little Jason was sitting.

 

“Not gonna shoo me outta your town with a fist? Like old time sakes?” Jason spat sarcastically. Bruce, being the bigger person this time, says nothing, and Jason scoffs.

 

“You’re waiting for me, you’ve been sitting here for the past hour, I knew you have your reason for breaking our rule,” Bruce explained when Jason was about to say his business.

 

“Our rule,” Jason rolled his eyes, venom in his voice, but he didn’t let it linger. “Don’t worry, I know I’m not welcome here.”

 

He knew Bruce was about to say something else, but there’s no way Jason would let him, “My lead said my target will be here in a couple’a days, Marco Castello.” Jason passed a picture and a little card filled with details where the scum would be the night of the shipment, “He’s trading girls for sex slaves, shipment details is in the card, some of them are taken from various countries, but I know you’ll get them home without me asking.”

 

Batman took it from his hand, put it in his pocket wherever that is, without looking over it.

 

“I see, thank you, is there any other business you want to let me know.”

 

“None, just wanted to stay for a bit with my friend.”

 

Batman paused, long enough for Jason to know that he’s misunderstanding it, “I meant the gargoyle.”

 

“No you’re not!” there’s the voice of the little brat, “make him stay! Please make him stay!”

 

“Still your favorite huh?” Batman played along, sounding friendly, which something Jason rarely gets these days, he’ll take it.

 

“This guy here is the only friend I got now,” Jason patted the statue, ever so changing. He realized he just got dark there, too dark, don’t care though, it’s the truth, what’s Batman gonna do about that?

 

“He’s gonna outlive us all,” Batman still playing along.

 

“You bet… so before I die, gotta spend time with him.”

 

“Are you sick? Something you’re not telling me?” Batman’s voice grew serious, and now Jason is all awkward.

 

“Chillout, I’m not dying, not physically anyway, but we are _all_ dying on the inside, there’s nothing new about that,” and ain’t that the truth.

 

Batman relaxed but stood still in place. Maybe Jason hadn’t laid it thick enough that he just wanted to be left alone.

 

“No!” Little Jason pops beside him, trying to shake his side to side but Jason put all his strength to be as still as a rock, “I don’t wanna be alone! I don’t wanna be alone, don’t make him go away, just for a few more minutes, please please please—”

 

 _Shut up shut up shut up._ Damn brat is getting on his nerves. Jason wanted to yell, wanted to literally jump from where he is. But he can’t yell without sounding crazy. He could just leave, what’s holding him back again?

 

“One question before you leave,” Batman broke the silence.

 

Oh no, he heard this before, he really—

 

“You hungry?”

 

Little Jason beams, and he’s all 7 ways fucked over.

 

There they go again, on top of the batmobile, parked in one of the hills near the manor with Gotham as the view. Cowl and mask off, eating the same burgers. Jason put all his mental strength to scowl instead of putting any other worse emotion he could be showing. Not because he’s uncomfortable with Bruce, but he’s uncomfortable by seeing that little brat leaning his head on Bruce’s shoulder. That clingy brat, that happens to be himself? He’s not happy at that, not at all. Little Jason has got to be doing this on purpose to piss him off.

 

“You seem frustrated,” Batman pointed.

 

_Shit._

 

“I’m fine,”

 

“Now that you’re here!” little Jason completed.

 

Jason sighed, messaging his temples with his greasy fingers from the burgers. Little Jason is always hard to listen to, now he’s under Bruce’s eyes, it’s hard to conceal how fucking embarrassed he is. He’s just glad Bruce is not facing him

 

“You’re awfully quiet,” Bruce says again, the age in his face showing so potently. Bruce Wayne, the playboy millionaire, still a darling to Gotham because apparently, Bruce still got the looks, he’s aging like fine wine.

 

Wish Jason could age that way, if he gets to live that long anyway.

 

“Don’t need to live that long, just need Bruce to live as long as we are,” little Jason add, hands holding to Bruce’s biceps.

 

“I’m just hungry,” Jason answered Bruce’s question, almost forgotten by his daze.

 

“Not even making a snappy comeback at me?” Did Bruce just casually have a conversation with him? isn’t that a treasure? Jason’s not gonna waste that.

 

“And how did that go last time?” Jason jokes, “’sides… I won’t pass a free dinner.”

 

“Speaking of dinner,” oh shit… oh shit oh shit oh shit, is he gonna-- “Alfred has been asking about you, heard you didn’t ask him to have dinner anymore.”

 

Oh, of course, Alfred, “a little hard with your rule isn’t it? And I wouldn’t want Alfred to travel that far just for me.”

 

“I’ll make an exception, I’ll let you off if you’re not here for business and off mask,” just like that, Bruce forgives him again, something that he thought will never get again.

 

“The things you do for Alfred huh?”

 

“The least I could do.”

 

 _Just for Alfred?_ “And not for me?” little Jason completed, Jason use all his might not to cringe visibly.

 

Bruce hums at that, “he misses you,” he adds.

 

“Yeah, I miss him too,” Jason replies.

 

“And I miss you too Bruce,” little Jason chirped, “Don’t you miss me too? You don’t have to feel sorry, I still mean something to you, don’t I?”

 

Jason’s hand clenched, both by how desperate his hallucination sounds and how little Jason looks so desperate he wanted to choke the patheticness out of him.

 

“I miss you Bruce…” little Jason wraps his arms around Bruce, “did I really mean nothing to you? When you’re everything for me?”

 

Ok, that’s it, that’s the last straw. He’s not going to sit here and hear that all night.

 

“I better leave.”

 

“NO! No no no please Jason just a few more minutes.”

 

“No,” Jason hissed.

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Bruce stated with a confused frown.

 

Shit, he slipped, “nothing.”

 

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

 

“Well world’s greatest detective, if you really think so, then figure it out yourself.” Jason slanders sarcastically.

 

Jason put on his gear, hop to his bike.

 

“Jason,” Bruce stops him right before he pulls the gas, “I’ve missed you as well, have dinner at the manor sometime.”

 

Jason takes in a sharp breath, glad he put his full mask on, he didn’t know what face he’s making but it’s hot…

 

“I uh, I miss you too old man,” Jason nods before the sound of tire screeching is the last thing he hears.

 

His bike roars into a high speed that he felt his weight is lifted into the air, feeling as if he flies through the air. There’s a smile creeping up his face and he lets it, enjoying the loud beating of his heart. Little Jason finally got quiet.

 

 

+++++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't see the first chapter notes.... just making sure anyone knowing that I decide to finish this fic. ANd don't worry! I already had the finished draft, what's left is grammar check and just a few polishing but this fic is done~~~
> 
> ANd may i remind you again, that I'm not a hardcore DC fan or anything.... just really whipped for Jason Todd as a character :"D
> 
> enjoy?

 

It felt like it’s been forever since he last called Alfred. Things haven’t been good with his missions, and of course Batman. Until the previous day, Jason wouldn’t have stepped back to this city if not for little Jason’s whining.

 

He dialed Alfred a few days ago that he’ll be coming in a few weeks, but Alfred insists that he push the day forward to this week. Just like Bruce, he has a soft spot for Alfred, that and he doesn’t really have an ongoing chase with any criminal. There’s also the case of him missing the old man. Back when everything was simpler, their mundane mornings before school is the best thing he ever experienced.

 

So here it is, him in his civilian clothes, knocking on the front door and feeling all awkward. He never really enters the manor through the front door, not often anyway.

 

A familiar butler opens the door, beaming with a smile, “Master Jason, you came in just right in time,” Alfred open his arms and Jason dives in for it without hesitation.

 

Wrapping his arms gently around Alfred’s torso, head ducked in the old man’s shoulder. Alfred gave him a strong pat on the back, and it feels just as comfortable as he imagined. He really does miss Alfred. Jason was about to let go, loosening his grip, but Alfred didn’t let go.

 

“Whoa Alf, didn’t know you miss me this bad,” Jason chuckled airily.

 

Alfred finally let's go, “of course, you haven’t visited the manor for so long.”

 

“I visit often!”

 

“The Batcave didn’t count, so does visit in your vigilante persona. Now please come in. I hope you don’t mind helping me prepare our meals.”

 

Jason didn’t hide the smile across his face, “Like old times?”

 

“Like old times.”

 

Like old times. Just the two of them in the afternoon kitchen preparing for dinner. Jason was back from school, Bruce is off work, and that moment was theirs. Chattering freely, and Jason would tell Alfred everything. Now, he can’t tell anything, but the comfortable chat is still there.

 

The night deepens, and dinner is served. Alfred is doing last touches while Jason is preparing the table.

 

“Bit quiet in here,” not that it was ever noisy,  “Damian’s here?”

 

“No, he’s off in a mission with the Titans,” Alfred said from behind the island.

 

“And Bruce?”

 

“Mission with the League,” weird, shouldn’t he be taking care of his Marco Castello? His shipment to Gotham arrived today.

 

“If you’re worried about the mission you passed, Master Dick and Miss Barbara are taking care of them.”

 

Though Jason was relieved, there’s a twinge of hurt in his chest. Even though Bruce forgives him, he won’t ever trust him again, will he? He’d rather trust this mission to his other ‘children’ rather than Jason himself that supposed to be one of them.

 

Jason sighed the lump in his chest, this is no time for that kind of thinking. “Nice, since no one is eating all this food except us, I get to have the leftovers then?”

 

Jason felt he was scanned under Alfred’s eyes, but Alfred choose not to comment on it, “Anything you want Master Jason, this is your special day after all.”

 

“ _Our_ special day Alf.”

 

Alfred smiled back at Jason, nodding while putting their meal on the table. Jason walked to the fridge, getting the decorated cake.

 

They sat on their seat, with their cake in the center already complete with lit candles.

 

“Happy birthday Jason.”

 

“Happy birthday Alfred.”

 

They blow their candles and put it away to eat after they finished their meals. They lively chatted through their meal, about the recently published books, politics, to where Jason has been. Jason would tell stories about the cities he’s been, careful not telling about too much detail of what he’s doing there.

 

“But I’m surprised,” Jason started after they’re done talking about the previous topic, “I thought the manor would be a little packed with the family since it’s your birthday. They couldn’t have forgotten.” Jason squints his eyes.

 

“I suppose they don’t, I’m an important role in their lives, and I do receive gifts packaged this morning, as I deserve,” Alfred simply stated, but there’s a narcissistic tone in his voice and Jason is enjoying the old man expressing himself freely to him.

 

“I understand, so I don’t force them to always be present at my birthday, duty first and all that.”

 

“But you insisted pretty hard on me.”

 

“Because it’s your birthday too Master Jason, of course, you must come,” Alfred stated.

 

“Thank you, for still celebrating with me.”

 

“Quite alright sir.”

 

“Here’s your gift, don’t know what to give a father of a man who has everything, got a bit confused, decides to DIY.”

 

Alfred lightly gasped and smiled, “you shouldn’t have.”

 

“Thought you said you deserve gifts?” Jason cock an eyebrow.

 

“Just being polite sir.”

 

Jason chuckled, “of course.”

 

Alfred opened the medium sized box, almost as wide as his torso. Opening the brown wrap paper, showing a wooden box inside. Alfred opened the box, and a small statue popped up a man dressed like someone from the Victorian era, though it was small in scale, the smug face clearly looks like Alfred. The small statue started to spin and dance while the hand moves in a slight rotation.  The base of the box decorated like a stage, and there are black silhouettes of people moving up and down that looks like they’re clapping. Along with the movements, music started just as he opened the box, classical music in a music box style.

 

It was from one of Alfred’s theater performance. On his breaks, Alfred still performs in a small stage, and Jason would watch.

 

“Sir… You made this?” Alfred didn’t tear his eyes from the box.

 

“Yeah… I’m no engineer, but I found an instruction to this and thought… are, are you crying?”

 

Alfred sniffs, “Could you blame me? Sorry Master Jason, I always have a soft spot for handmade goods. This is beautifully made.”

 

“Geez Alfred,” Jason reach over to get tissues for him, “If I knew you’re this happy, I would’ve made you more.”

 

“No no, just birthdays are enough, it would ruin the value of it.”

 

“Pfft, whatever.”

 

“Thank you, Jason,” Alfred’s voice turned so soft, and genuine, Jason felt like it sank it his heart, “You made this old man happy.”

 

Jason smiled, a genuinely happy smile, it felt so good to smile like this, “Good to know at least I can make someone happy.”

 

“You’ll be surprised Master Jason, we do love your companion,” Alfred said as if he knows what Jason meant, but Jason didn’t take it too much to heart.

 

It’ll be nice though if—

 

“If Bruce could smile like that.”

 

Jason snaps his eyes at the child sitting next to Alfred, smiling just as soft as Jason did before the little brat showed up. Now, his whole night is ruined.

 

“I’ll believe it when I see it, but now the proof is only you Alf,” Jason responded to Alfred opinion, trying to ignore little Jason.

 

“Hey! Don’t ignore me!” Trying so hard.

 

Jason chatted with Alfred just fine that night… just fine my ass. If he hears one more word from that brat, interrupting every time they talk, Jason is about to slap a bitch. He can hug him the other day, then he can whoop him too. It was one of the rare nights he had a calm night with Alfred and this child just ruins it for him. This brat is supposed to be him! Jason didn’t ever remember being this stubborn.

 

Jason is getting a headache and had to go home early to deal with this shit.

 

“Stop ignoring me! Listen to me! Stop walking away from me!”

 

Jason slammed the door on little Jason’s face, didn’t work, he popped up again right on the doorframe of his bedroom. Jason tried to shove him away, but his hand went through... well that’s great.

 

“Look at me when I’m speaking!” little Jason screamed shrill and high pitched and that’s when Jason had enough.

 

“SHUT UP!” his voice boomed, glaring down at the brat feet below him yet didn’t seem to flinch one bit, “what the fuck do you want this time!”

 

“Bruce.” Simply put, calm, eerily calm, with a pair of his own eyes looking up dead serious.

 

“I don’t need him,” Jason hissed.

 

“That’s a big fat stinkin’ lie and you know it,” little Jason crossed his arms on his chest.

 

“For someone who supposed to be me you’re pretty shit yourself, seems like you know nothing ‘bout me,” Jason was angry, boiling to the hilt, and with that, manage to grab little Jason’s collar and pull him up, and Jason was too angry to be amused by that, “I lived for years without him, he’s done nothing but slow me down.”

 

Still smug despite feet hanging on the air, little Jason retorts, “Say whatever you want Jason, but I saw your dreams, _all_ of your dreams.”

 

“So fucking what!” Jason blared, daring like he doesn’t care but he does.

 

“Means I know what you really want, and you’ve ignored it enough, you’ve ignored _me_ enough,” little Jason still sounds calm, “it actually feels painful”

 

Jason quickly let go of his grip, not saying anything, but not feeling any less guilty for hurting his hallucinations? Man, Jason knew he’s fucked up in the head, and somehow, he managed to get into the next level of insanity.

 

“Not that,” little Jason clarified, “I don’t feel pain if you punch me, but it’s painful to be ignored, to be buried deep down. We hurt Jason,” his voice cracks, yet eyes still emitting anger, “You shove me down to a deep dark corner, you can pretend I don’t exist, but you can still feel the pain. You’ll always feel it.”

 

“I… I do,” Jason admitted, it was the first time he said that out loud, thinking it would feel bitter to the mouth, but… it doesn’t feel so bad, “but I don’t have time to wallow, if you could just let it be, then I would’ve forgotten, and problem solved!”

 

Little Jason shook his head, “We don’t forget Jason, not someone as spiteful as us, we held grudges, cherish memories, none left forgotten, want it or not.”

 

“Can’t you at least let me fucking try?” he insisted.

 

Little Jason stays smug, and Jason huffed, that’s more like his younger self. Jason doesn’t want to handle any of this shit right now and so he ignores ignore the child back. Taking off his jacket, his shirt, down to nothing to get to the shower. He needs a cold one asap, cleared his head, and getting into fresh comfortable clothes.

 

Jason went to bed, tossing and turning like he’s on fire. He’s dead tired today but he can’t sleep. Just right on cue, Jason rolled to the edge and sit, little Jason is already there standing in front of him.

 

“How long are you going to ignore me?” he whispered, less of a child, more like a haunting spirit.

 

Jason swallowed the big lump of fear that threatens to show, “until you’re gone.”

 

He tossed and turns for hours. There’s no way he’s sleeping with little Jason kept spitting crap even as he closed his eyes. He stood up, putting on one of his hoodies. He needs some air. Hoping that this brat will disappear if he just occupies his mind with something else.

 

“I won’t, I can’t, not until you give in.”

 

“Watch me.”

 

Jason slams the door behind him.

 

 

++++++++++++

 

 

 

Jason is used to ignoring his feelings, ignoring his ‘petty little wishes’, with reasons like ‘got more important things to do’, ‘he needs to focus killing this operation’, ‘there’s nothing could be done about it’, and he forgets it. Or he tries to at least.

 

In the middle of the road, memories popped up in his head. If he’s not dead tired, he doesn’t bother trying to sleep because he couldn’t. It’s been weeks, he tries to drown his voice, to run away from his… whatever this is, but his thoughts can’t stop running, his voice keep on yapping, begging, wanting to see-

 

“Bruce…” little Jason whispered, knees tucked in on his chest, balled on top of the bus Jason just stole from a group of bandits, “I miss him.”

 

Jason sighed, letting the white smoke disperse into the night sky. So much for a quiet night, and the night was pretty too. Jason stopped in the middle of the quiet road, away from the city, and he could see the stars. He really did wish the thoughts would stop this time. He held on for long till he can’t stand it anymore. Little Jason didn’t just remind him, he brought up all the feelings he had long forgotten as well.

 

“You felt it didn’t you?” little Jason hopped off, walking towards him, “longing, disappointment, emptiness, and most of all—”

 

“I get it already,” Jason cuts, languidly stare down the asphalt beneath his boots.

 

There’s no sound when little Jason stood up, but Jason felt it, “Can’t ignore me anymore, can’t push it down like you used to.”

 

A hand landed on his chest, and little Jason’s face entered his peripherals. Sharp eyes looking up at him, greenish blue and clear. The burn of his cigs almost reaches his lips, he takes in one last deep drag and exhales, letting the bud drops down to the ground.

 

Jason looks up to the city north of the road, like a bright lantern in the middle of the dead night, Gotham.

 

 

\-----------

 

 

“I thought we had a deal,” Batman drops down on the roof on one of Jason’s safe house.

 

Intentionally, Jason wore his Red Hood gear since he takes the first step inside Gotham. He needs to wait until dawn started climbing in the sky. The sky tinted blue instead of black, and Batman can’t hide from Gotham sky anymore, he’s right there, in front of him.

 

“Yeah,” Jason dragged, hesitant at first, “Follow me,” he jumped off the building, and Batman follows him to the secret entrance.

 

His heart pacing fast, whenever he felt the black figure behind him. It’s not his demons chasing him, it’s Bruce following him, trusting him again, he feels proud of himself and just… relieve. Now he just needs to make sure.

 

The wall they entered leads into a closet of Jason’s room.

 

“This is your safe house,” Bruce stated, stepping in carefully.

 

Jason turned on the lights, he doesn’t want to miss a thing, yet he can’t raise his head to Bruce yet. Eyes down, but his hand slowly but surely, taking off his goggles, and then his mask. Clutching his mask to calm his nerves, his face felt so cold. Suddenly feels conscious of how exposed his face is, but he doesn't want his mask on for this. He wants this.

 

He wants it, and he’s going to get it.

 

With one last deep breath, he faced Bruce, carefully stepping into the man’s personal zone. Each step sent a punch to his heart and disbelieve that Bruce let him this close without questioning it. Hands moving slowly to hold the cowl, what makes Batman let him do this is a whole entire mystery. Then he takes off the cowl, and Bruce held his hand just a few milliseconds too late. The grips weren’t a warning, it was firm but not deathly. Jason doesn’t know what that means. And the confused look in Bruce’ face means that he doesn’t either.

 

He can’t remember the last time he saw Bruce’s face, especially looking so worried. Been so long since he saw those steely blue eyes, fully looking at his features.

 

“Are you okay, Jason?” Bruce asked after a few moments of silence, and Jason melts all over again.

 

Jason leaned forward, hands pulling that face slightly to kiss him hard right on the lips.

 

And it felt like a damn just burst, exploded, and the water pooled inside is finally streaming free and heavy. How many years was it that he dreamt to feel his lips, to feel his body this close. Feeling Bruce’s breath against his skin, clinging his arms on his broad shoulders. It felt so good, and finally… oh, finally Jason has him in his arms.

 

But Jason wanted more, more than this, more. Feeling Bruce all over is great and all, but Jason went weak on the knees when Bruce finally starts kissing back. Only in his wildest dreams, this could come true, why the fuck didn’t he do this sooner?

 

Jason’s back hits the wall, hands on his hips pulling closer against Bruce’s. His own hands are on Bruce’s neck, jaw, face, feeling all the skin he could feel. Kissing to fill his greed, and Bruce just lets him takes, lets his hands roam, let his tongue violate inside his mouth. The hands resting on Jason’s hips slipped under his shirt and travel up to his abdomen, thumbs tracing lines of his muscles up to his chest, and fuck Jason wanted more.

 

Bruce’s hands moved quickly to grab his wrist, pinning him against the wall. Jason’s breath hitch at the pressure.

 

“What is this?” Bruce asked under his rough breath, eyes that used to be cold and sharp now stares in confusion. Lips glistening with Jason’s saliva, it’s a good look on the old man.

 

“Heh… do I have to answer that?” Jason chuckled, seems to amuse him, Bruce’s hold against him loosened.

 

“This… this isn’t right, you’re my—”

 

“Stop thinking so damn much,” Jason quickly retorts, hands brushing away the grip that wasn’t even that tight in the first place, he placed them on both sides on Bruce's face, forcing those eyes to stay on Jason’s, “Don’t think too much of it Bruce, just enjoy it, enjoy each other.”

 

Jason leads him to bed, and the powerful man just lets Jason pushed him to bed. He climbs up to Bruce’s lap, taking off his jacket, then his armor, while his eyes eating up the view under him. Jason is not conceited, but he knew lust when he sees it, and he sees it in Bruce’s eyes, the way he stares at his currently naked upper half.

 

“I know you want me too Bruce, take your frustration off, I know you got a lot of that since what happened with Selina,” Jason persuaded, a little low blow that he had to mention about Selina, but Jason is desperate. “My condolences for the failed marriage, but she’s somewhere, and I’m here instead.” Thankfully, Bruce didn’t seem too disturbed by the mention of his ex-fiancee.

 

Both arm on each side of Bruce’s head, “I’m me, you’re you, let’s forget the rest of who we are for a second, what do you say?” Jason lowers himself down to his elbows, one hand grabbing Bruce’s face to keep him in place as Jason kissed him, probing greedily inside his mouth.

 

A pair of hand held his hips and flips them around, Bruce now on top of him, taking off his gear. And Jason… Jason lets himself smile like a lovestruck teenager that just got their first kiss. The giddy feeling crawling up under his skin, and every skin reveal goes straight to his dick. The sheer shot of lust and adoration making him ecstatic, he’s sure it shows on his face at how hot and sore his face from grinning this widely.

 

Bruce blinks, eyeing down on Jason with a slight nod to the side.

 

“What?” Jason mewled, bet still has a goofy smile. He’s fucking happy, sue him.

 

“No, it’s nothing,” Bruce answered, and Jason swore he sees the corner of those lips tugged upwards before they kiss again.

 

Bruce kisses were surprisingly mundane, if it’s not for Jason to ignite it he wouldn’t have picked up the pace, which is not a problem for Jason. Like usual, Jason could light Bruce up just fine. Little kisses here and there turned into hungry bites all over. Calloused hands roaming his body, getting comfortable to grip tighter.

 

He hates it when Bruce looks down on him, but this position? And those hungry eyes roaming over him, Jason didn’t mind at all.

 

If he knew it would be this easy to drag Bruce to his bed, he would’ve done this ages ago.

 

 

+++++

 

 

They didn’t hold back. Light already shining through the curtains but that didn’t stop them. They ate each other up until they’re full. Fucking each other brains out until their legs gave up. Their breaks spent to change condom and for water, barely any words spoken in between.

 

Jason didn’t look over to the clock, knowing time is at the bottom of his list right now. He plops to the side, riding off his post-orgasm in heavy pants, so does Bruce, that expression looks good on him. Sweaty, groaning, with chest heaving up and down gasping for air, that fucked outlook. Boy, Jason had his fill today after years of starvation, he stored lots of Bruce’s feel-good face. Yet, still, it isn’t enough… There’s always room for more… more.

 

He pushes himself to sit, drinking the view a little bit better. Bruce’s eyes were on his, and Jason… didn’t know what to feel. Those eyes no longer hungry, still not back to being cold and dismissive yet. Just… Bruce, and the air is so peaceful between them. In a room that was so loud a few minutes ago now peacefully quiet, their harsh breath has calmed down, and now they just look at each other, feeling… Jason still didn’t know, but he wanted to indulge himself in whatever it is.

 

So, he lets himself lay on top of Bruce without thinking too much, not holding himself back, not thinking of the consequences, nothing, he just does what he wanted to do. Head on his chest, and arms tucked in between. Bruce’s hand soon followed, resting on top of Jason’s head and rubbing him gently.

 

No words can describe what this feels like, Jason didn’t feel angry, or sad, or regretful or too overtly happy like a few minutes ago… it’s just… content, Jason hasn’t been content for a long time. This scene he’s experiencing, never thought he could ever have it. But here he is... laying naked with Bruce patting his head. Warm heat gathered in his face and chest, he truly felt--

 

“What is this Jason?” Bruce asked, no hidden meaning behind the words, just a question.

 

“Do we have to label it?” because Jason was just as confused, but he didn’t mind, this is enough.

 

“If you want to keep doing this, then I have to know.”

 

Jason clench down the sheet because he’s excited that Bruce wants to do this again, but now he just has to make this not awkward at all. With one deep sigh, Jason sits up again, better view from here, but less contact.

 

He opened his mouth, then shut it when he’s not sure of the words, huffing “I… hmmm, how about sex friends?” Jason shrugged his shoulder.

 

Bruce knitted his eyebrows, sending Jason an unsure look, “we’re a little more than friends, adding sex to the mix means…”

 

“C’mon, don’t give me that Bruce,” Jason rolled his eyes, “I don’t see you as a father, and you clearly didn’t see me as your son… anymore,” Jason passed a flirty smirk to pair with the last word.

 

“Still, we’re not just as shallow as just friends,” Bruce said a little defensively, and it’s funny to see that Bruce seems… insecure? “are we?”

 

Jason snorts, can’t believe Bruce really thought there’s something deeper between them, but it’s flattering, and relieving. Now Jason feels red on his face, hope it doesn’t show too much.

 

“Well, you might not be my father, that’s Alfred actually,” Bruce nods, agreeing reluctantly, “And you do have an… uh… an important role in my life.” Jason looks down, rubbing along his arm, trying to figure out what to say, how to justify this.

 

Frustrated, Jason groaned, clicking his tongue “Why does it have to be labeled? I want it, you want it, and we just take care of each other’s needs. Simple as that, no strings attached,” he shrugged.

 

Jason’s finger traveled up to the torso under him, starting from the dips of his hipbones, to the ups and downs of Bruce’s abs until he reached his chest. From there, he stopped his hand, though he wanted so much to touch that face, Bruce’s peaceful face. Jason understands full well that he just resisted what he wanted despite just saying he won't hold back anymore.

 

“Is that what you wanted?” Bruce asked under his raspy breath, it’s doing funny things with Jason’s heart.

 

“Yeah,” Jason admits, “If you’re willing to give me,” both his hands touching the skin of Bruce’s chest, up till his beautifully sculpted neck, then cradle his gruff jaw, staring back to those slightly bloodshot eyes, seeing the reflection of himself there, “If you want this too.”

 

They pause, and Jason tried his utmost will to not look hopeful. A pair of hands traveled up to his shoulder, grabbing him endearingly close.

 

“Alright.”

 

One word said like a present at Christmas, and that what it was for Jason, like a gift that he had wanted. Trying so hard not to smile wide like an idiot, he put his lips to do something else, kissing the face trapped between his hands. Holding back a moan at the end of his throat when a tongue invaded his mouth, and the hands-on his shoulder went down lower to his hips.

 

Jason sits up, sling his leg to the other side of Bruce’s body, sitting right on top of his crotch.

 

“Jason…” his name escaped between kisses.

 

“One more time,” his voice almost begging as he rubbed himself on Bruce.

 

“No,” he said as he flips Jason around, pinning him to the mattress while still kissing him, “I need to be somewhere today.”

 

Bruce leaned down for one more kiss and peeled away from him. He’s pushing back the twinge in his chest at the absence of touch. He’s taking Jason’s civvies that fits him perfect, and Jason didn’t know what to feel to know they’re almost exactly the same build. He put his Batman gear in a bag (Jason’s), since it’s already noon, no time for Batman to appear. Jason still laid there where Bruce just put him, watching the man wore his clothes, feeling unnecessarily flustered by the concept.

 

“I’ll see you soon,” Bruce said as he went out from the hidden compartment door.

 

The room goes quiet again where it had been loud full of grunts and desperate moans. His skin still felt so warm and the ghost of Bruce’s hands still lingers all over him. He could see his face every time he blinks, his bed smelled of sex and him every time he takes a breath. Fingers on his lips where it was just been kissed by him.

 

This room, this bed, his body, where his greatest desire just came true, Jason smiled till tears built up on the corner of his eyes, laughing to himself as he stayed in that bed for a few more hours, taking everything that’s left of Bruce presence and savor it till it’s all gone before he could get up.

 

The most wonderful part of this is that this is not the last time.

 

 

+++++++++++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaddayathinkk?
> 
> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might gets cheesy.... I hate cheesy fics the most sometimes and here I am, making one.
> 
> enjoy?

 

 

It takes a few weeks until Bruce started to seek him instead of Jason coming over to Gotham. Since the deal is if one of the other needed each other. Jason had thought that Bruce would never seek him out at all. But whenever Jason is still around America, Bruce would wildly appear, and they had sex.

 

When Jason was the one needed him, he didn’t even have to wear the Red Hood gear anymore. All Jason had to do was stand on the roof of some random building in Gotham, and by the end of the night, after Batman is done patrolling, Bruce always finds him.

 

At first, it was just sex. Jason’s safe house, at the roof, the hood of batmobile, in a dark alley, or any hidden place. Then Bruce started to seek him out in inappropriate time. When Jason was away chasing a cult. Batman finds him hiding in an alley, bleeding in his thigh and abdomen. “Not a good time for that,” and that takes a whole lot of gut for Jason to say. Jason was super elated when Bruce finally the one seeking him, and he couldn’t provide. So, Batman did what Batman would do, patch Jason up and leave.

 

But since then, Bruce seeks him out more frequently and Jason’s heart would leap every time he saw him outside Gotham, just for him.

 

He didn’t see little Jason as often, probably because he’s happy? Or Jason did all he wanted to do. No more holding back, he lets out all the things he felt, reach out to the things he desires. Sometimes he sees little Jason when he misses Roy, and Jason would drive to Star city to visit Roy’s grave. When little Jason wanted to see Dick, Jason called him up right away, and they drink together. The same thing goes with Barbara, Stephanie, and the one a bit different was with Tim. Little Jason wanted to apologize, so Jason pushed away his pride and say just that to Tim’s bewildered face. Tim takes it well and awkwardly, but they drink together after that.

 

And every time Jason made little Jason disappear he felt liberated. Less burden on his shoulder, breathing a lot easier, and his face would quirk up a peaceful smile that he rarely has. The smile would also appear after a night with Bruce and knowing that Bruce wants it too. He didn’t do Jason like he hates it, or being forced, Jason was wanted back. The concept was so flattering that he felt like he has a humming bird’s heart.

 

It’s not like he hated his little self, it’s just the things he did is maddening, he kinda misses him, but at the same time, glad he didn’t see little Jason. Isn’t this means he’s doing himself right?

 

For a while, Jason didn’t mind doing this, being honest and all, but there’s such a thing as too honest.

 

One morning after the night he takes Bruce to his bed, he hears sizzling in the kitchen. Bruce has long gone to his manor, and no one is in this safehouse as far as he knows. Jason tiptoed his way to the door frame, only in his boxers and peeks at the kitchen area.

 

Seeing Bruce there in nothing but pants is more surprising than the expected burglar.

 

“Morning,” Bruce mumbled without looking back, completely missing how Jason’s jaw just dropped to the floor.

 

“Are you… cooking?” Jason said that in complete dread that Bruce would set his safe house on fire, and bewilderment that Bruce is still here.

 

“Yeah, I’m hungry, and you were sleeping.”

 

Jason stepped in, seeing slices of bacon on the frying pan, sighed in relive knowing it was something simple. But those won’t fill their stomach for breakfast.

 

“I can whip a quick pancake if you want,” Jason offered.

 

“That would be nice.”

 

“And coffee?”

 

“Please.”

 

And Jason did just that. After Bruce has done frying, Jason poured the batter in the same oiled pan. While the coffee is brewing, Jason turned his back to cook while Bruce is on the sofa, staring at him so hard while chewing on an apple he just fished out of the fridge.

 

“You’re burning a hole in my back if you stare that hard,” Jason stacked the last pancake to the plate, and bring it on the coffee table in front of the sofa, “something on your mind?” Jason asked as he goes back to the kitchen and comes back with two cups of coffee.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Not really?”

 

Bruce just shrugged, and Jason didn’t really care so he dropped it. Drinking his coffee, while he watched Bruce takes in a big piece of pancake and devours it. The view is anything but graceful, who knew Bruce could be like this when he’s hungry? But it’s still a view.

 

Languid mornings, a sunlit room that smelled of breakfast, the both of them sharing the peaceful space half naked by the sofa. Now Jason gets why Bruce stares earlier, this mood between them, it’s new, unexpected, yet comfortable. It feels bizarre, not in all the years living that Jason would ever think that he’ll be at this point. Spending the morning together with Bruce after they had sex, cooking and making coffee for him, feels so… domestic.

 

Jason is loving every single second of it.

 

“How long are you staying in Gotham?” Bruce asked after he finished his pancakes, now sipping his coffee.

 

“Hmmm, kicking me out so soon?” Jason teased, Bruce gave him a raise of eyebrows practically saying ‘really?’, and Jason chuckled, “Soon.”

 

“I need a date on that.”

 

“Why? Need something?”

 

“Just want to know when you’re leaving.”

 

Jason try not to take that too personally, in case it’s not something he thinks it is, “I’m not chasing your target if that’s what you’re—”

 

“That’s not what I’m implying Jason,” Bruce assured, “Just wanted to know how long I get to see you before you disappear again.”

 

_Be still, my heart_ , “Right back at you Bruce, I’m not the only one disappearing for god knows how long,” Jason played along, as smooth and as calm as he can while there’s a wild thunder beneath his chest.

 

While he tried to calm himself, Bruce scooted closer with both of his hand dipped on the sofa between Jason’s thighs, which is not helping.

 

“So?” Bruce impatiently asked. If Jason wasn’t on a crisis himself it would’ve looked cute, but Bruce wanting to see him more is just… so endearing.

 

Jason felt loved.

 

But is he?

 

Isn’t it’s just lust to begin with? Well, not for Jason, it never was that at first, but Bruce… it’s supposed to be just lust for him, then what is this? Jason catches his hope and put it still before it could go up.

 

“Don’t know,” Jason said, “Artemis is on a solo mission, but there’s a chance she needs back up, was planning to get out of the city in…” Jason glanced up to the clock, “12 hours.”

 

Bruce hums, staring at Jason’s coffee, and Jason thinks if maybe Bruce wanted more coffee. He takes it from his hand, but then, set it aside at the coffee table.

 

“Then let’s make best of these few hours.”

 

“You have nowhere you need to be today?”

 

“No,” he said before leaning for a kiss, his lips tasted like coffee, “I’m all yours today,” Bruce said between kisses.

 

‘ _I’m all yours_ ’ if his lips weren’t busy kissing Jason would’ve gasp because the word had clenched his chest out of breath. Is this one of his hallucination or Bruce did just said that?

 

It feels so suffocating, his heart pounding out of his ribcage, even though there’s probably not what Bruce really meant. That Bruce did not just declare that he’s Jason’s, he refused to get that in his head. It’s just sex, nothing more, should have been nothing more.

 

Bruce pulled him closer, and Jason took the initiative to sling over his legs and straddle his lap. A pair of arms quickly wraps around his torso, holding him close and dear as their kiss deepens. Jason felt a happy rumble against his chest from Bruce’. Jason knocks his head back as the kisses travel down to his jaw, then neck, languidly peppered here and there like savoring touches.

 

“Lonely?” Jason teased.

 

“Is it wrong if I am?” Bruce easily confessed, nothing really goes Jason’s way today, Bruce is really aiming to suffocate him.

 

“It’s new is all, for someone with a lot of children it’s pretty unpredicted,” lies, all of his children are off in another city, and they didn’t really get along half of the time, Jason out of all people should know that.

 

“It’s not because of them.”

 

He knows he shouldn’t say her name anymore, but he couldn’t help it, he just needs a confirmation, “Selina left, and there’s a hole in a shape of her inside you huh?”

 

Bruce didn’t say anything, his kisses stop on his chest where his autopsy scar started. Bruce laid his temple there, taking a deep breath and nods. Biting back a scoff, Jason put his hand of Bruce’s head instead, raking the hair damp in sweat in a gentle massage.

 

_Forget that bitch, let me fill it instead._ Jason bites back those words threatening to spill. Okay, ‘bitch’ is a bit uncalled for, but Jason would be a hypocrite if Selina’s and Bruce’s engagement didn’t hurt him, but their break up hurts him as well. Jason was about to accept it, and finally, just be happy for him, and then here he is, as Selina’s rebound and Jason didn’t mind. In these moments Bruce is his, though maybe not for forever, but… _but mine all the same._

 

Jason’s hold on Bruce’s hair tightens, and his other arm wraps around Bruce’s shoulder and he held him tight like he’s about to slip away from him.

 

_Can’t I be the one?_ The words screamed so loud in his mind, and he hopes no one hears it.

 

He leans down, kissing the top of Bruce’s head, taking a deep breath of his scent. His chest feels so tight, there a jumble of words in his head but he tried to not think about it. _Don’t think about it, let the pieces be scattered._

 

“What’s wrong?” Bruce mumbled against Jason’s chest.

 

“Nothing,” Jason sighed, releasing his tense muscles that he didn’t realize were there.

 

Bruce takes in a deep breath before pulling his head from Jason’s chest, but not too far, just so they can meet eye to eye.

 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Bruce asked, not insisting nor commanding.

 

And it might be less skin contact now, but Jason feels that Bruce is suffocatingly close, like he was trapped under the gaze of those worried eyes. Jason could feel his defense tearing apart.

 

“It’s alright, I promise,” Jason sounds pleading, hoping he didn’t sound too pathetic.

 

“If you don’t want me here I could--”

 

“No!” Jason held Bruce’s shoulder in place when he started getting up, _now_ he seems pathetic. _Don’t leave, please,_ “I just thought I forgot something.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, stop looking so worried,” Jason smirks, patting Bruce’s face.

 

“Of course I worry,”

_No, you don’t, you just need me to fill in the gap, but that’s okay too._

 

“Let me help you too.”

 

_Fuck, please stop saying those things._

 

Bruce held the hand in his face, kissing Jason’s palms, and it really felt like his heart about to jump out through his mouth. He felt the lips on his palm quirk up a smile, and Bruce’s eyes pierce through him.

 

“Promise that you’ll let me when you really do need it.”

 

_I love you._

 

Jason takes in a sharp breath, he tried to shake off this suffocating feeling but every time Jason saw the face in his hand, so close, it felt like Bruce is his, and the words just…

 

_I love you, Bruce._

 

The cruel words echo cruelly in his mind, and suddenly the skin where their skin touch felt like burning. Jason felt an uncomfortable lump in his throat the closer and longer Bruce stays. Jason knows it deep down, he just thought he had long forgotten it, had long moved on, he should’ve known the second he invited Bruce to his bed, he’s lighting the fire again.

 

“Okay, promise Bruce,” and Jason went for the kiss again, hoping it will quiet his thoughts.

 

Bruce was never meant to be his, this is a rebound, just comfort. The longer they stay together the more Jason felt his feelings gaining strength. He just hoped Bruce would stop touching him this gently, hope he would kiss a little rougher. Suddenly every touch feels painful, the closer they are the lonelier Jason felt.

 

The man in his arms will never be his. The echoes of ‘I love you’s in his mind would never be repeated on the other’s lips. Realizing these new desires already devastated him so, yet still cherished the man that he borrowed from his future lovers, not wanting to let go even though knowing wherever this goes, will destroy him in the long run.

 

Jason knows, when Bruce decides to leave, it will be Jason that would be left with a hole in a shape of him in his chest. And who’ll fill that?

 

Oh, what has he done?

 

Jason pushed Bruce down, sitting on top of him and struck at the view under him. He has done this countless times with each other, yet Jason still mesmerized every time.

 

_I love you._

 

Jason bites it back, and Bruce already noticed something wrong. He sits up to held Jason’s face up to meet his eyes, holding him like fine china. He never saw Bruce so worried at him, never hear his words spoken to him so gently, never held this close and intimately. This was Jason’s wildest nastiest dream ever since he had his first wet dream after meeting Bruce, it’s all coming true in the cruelest way. This relationship Jason started, Bruce is making him think it’s more than it is when it’s not, making Jason hallucinate.

 

“Jason, what’s on your mind?”

 

“Please love me back,” it takes all Jason’s will not to see the face appearing beside Bruce’s shoulder, little Jason leaning his head against him, “I love you Bruce…” he whimpered.

 

“Jason?” Bruce said more firmly, and Jason snaps out of his daze.

 

“Fine, I was hungry, I haven't eaten the whole day yesterday.”

 

Bruce narrowed his eyebrows, “Is that really it?”

 

“Yes! The hunger didn’t hit yet, and I was horny, didn’t know which one to do first,” Jason smirked, linking his hands behind Bruce’s neck.

 

“So? Which one you want to do first?” Bruce didn't seem to believe him, but he plays along, and aside from little Jason coming back, Jason felt relieved.

 

“You,” Jason moaned as he grinds his crotch against Bruce’s, “I don’t have anything for lunch, I have to shop it, how long are you staying?”

 

“Until you have to leave,” Bruce really needs to stop saying things like that, yet Jason couldn’t help feeling happy.

 

“I’ll make you lunch too then.”

 

“That’ll be great.”

 

If Jason wasn’t busy with the man at hand, he would’ve squealed at the fact that he just asked Bruce to have lunch, which practically likes a date thing. If he wasn’t so overcome with lust at the moment, he also would’ve fallen apart from the sudden realization moments ago.

 

This sham of a relationship has grown too far for Jason’s comfort.

 

 

+++++++++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaddaya think???


	4. Chapter 4

 

Little Jason hasn’t been gone since the last time, but he’s not as annoying right now. If he pushed back the fact that little Jason appeared again, and his scary re-emerging feelings, Jason would say he’s pretty content. They are adding eating together into the mix, and it doesn’t feel like ordinary friends with benefits situation anymore, it feels as if…

 

“You’re dating Bruce.”

 

“NO!” Jason almost screamed, a few heads on the diner already turned towards him.

 

Steph and Tim look at each other, just as clueless and lost as Jason is.

 

Now, he knows this image is pretty weird. It looks like Jason is third wheeling a couple on a date and making it all about himself. It’s not like that actually. Jason was just getting some air, and bump into the couple and dragged to eat together. Steph started asking questions about Jason’s weird behavior, tag-teaming with Tim.

 

It’s not that he’s ashamed or hiding the fact that he’s sleeping with Bruce, it’s just that its none of their business so why should he tell? And their relationship isn’t actually a real one… It started with a question from one of them, ‘you and Bruce are closer now huh?’ and Jason reply with ‘not really, we just slept together sometimes,’ which unleashed a rain of questions.

 

“If it’s just sex then maybe it’s just friends with benefits situation but eating lunch together and lounging for a movie marathon, kinda dating-ish” Tim shared his opinion.

 

“I think it’s just basic bromace, it’s just eating together man” Stephanie replied, fingers on her lips as she’s seems to be deep in thought.

 

“Yeah, and sleeping together is just bromance too if you say no homo.” Tim snickered, Steph wanted to glare but torn down with a burst of laugh.

 

Then her intention goes back to Jason, “Okay sorry we’re fucking around with you, but really, are you and Bruce really not dating?”

 

“No! We’re just sex friends.” Jason grits his teeth, holding himself from screaming in public place.

 

“I know, but how do you feel towards Bruce,” Stephanie fished that smart fox.

 

“I don’t know.” _I love him._

 

Tim groaned, rubbing his face a bit too hard, “I can’t believe my dad had sex with my brother,” that sounds disgusting and flattering in different points of that sentence.

 

“Oh please Tim, if you see it that way then what we’re doing is just the same,” Steph shoved Tim lightly, bless her.

 

“But I have to ask, why tell us now?” Steph asked, “isn’t this suppose to be a secret?”

 

Jason looks down to his food, all cut up but the quantity didn’t change. He didn’t mind being a dirty little secret, he also didn’t mind if he screamed on top of his lungs that Bruce is his, but the latter would be lying.

 

“Don’t feel special. I told you because you asked. If Bruce said nothing to you then I guess it does suppose to be a secret, but I just don’t care. Though I think Damian would break in and kill me in my sleep,” Jason chuckled at the thought.

 

“You’re right about that,” Tim acknowledge as he downed his coffee and signal the waiter for a refill.

 

“Still, I didn’t take you like someone to just slip, why are you telling us this,” Steph persisted, clearly wasn’t satisfied with Jason’s previous answer while Tim really didn’t care anymore.

 

“Hey, who’s the one dragging me here asking questions?” Jason defended, “I was thinking about it and you just had to drag me here.”

 

“Oooh, so that’s why you’re glaring at your feet.”

 

“I was not!”

 

“Was too.” Little Jason chirped, and Jason was doing so well at ignoring him.

 

“What is there to think about? It’s not that you and him are complete strangers. Sex friends are simple, since there’s supposed to be no feelings attached,” Tim said, eyes on his coffee, but it cuts deep, “And man, that’s the amazing part, that you two somehow get along. Both of you didn’t like each other that much in the first place.”

 

Jason was trying not to correct him, he had loved Bruce since he could ever remember. Yeah, Jason was that kind of fucked up since he’s in his tweens, sue him, what’s so wrong in loving someone? Loving your foster dad, you sicko. _Fuck_.

 

“Yeah I guess, sex is good though,” Jason played along, making Tim playfully wretched, and Jason enjoyed every pained expression on Tim’s face.

 

Then he noticed how Steph changed her expression, eyes wide and mouth gaping open.

 

She knew, a sharp one isn’t she? Jason just grateful he didn’t meet Cass, she would’ve known in an instant. Stephanie, bless her, didn’t say anything about it, and just knowingly smile.

 

“Yeah, if this is the way you patch things up with him, I guess go for it,” Steph said instead.

 

“As strange as this relationship sounds, I think it’s good for Bruce, after Selina he was all broody, think he’s friendlier now,” Tim added.

 

Jason simply huffed, and the way Steph looks at him, he knew this won’t be the last thing he heard from her. He groaned. Why the fuck is he talking about this with them in the first place? Though he had to admit, it doesn’t feel half bad.

 

 

+++++++++++++

 

 

Jason was right. Steph got his phone number probably from Oracle and asked to meet after patrol.

 

So here they are, on the rooftop of one of the buildings in Gotham, accompanied by a cold six-pack beer. Steph is still in her spoiler outfit and Jason on his civvies. There were a few seconds of silence before Steph broke the ice.

 

“Since when?”

 

“I think I was 19, a few months after my rage went down,” Jason confessed, too emotionally tired to think what he should or should not tell.

 

“Damn…” Steph gulped her beer, “what are you gonna do now?”

 

“Nothing,” as sad as it sounds, Jason couldn’t think of any better way to do than just let it happen.

 

“Maybe she could help!” little Jason exclaimed, clutching Jason’s sleeve, “please Jason,” and just like the weeks before, Jason ignored him. There he is... the source of all Jason’s emotional baggage.

 

“Nothing? You’re not gonna give it a try?”

 

Jason cock an eyebrow at her, “Really? Me and Bruce dating? That doesn’t bother you at all?”

 

“Even if it does, it shouldn’t stop you! And why not? If you love him then I say go for it!” Steph actually has a point, but Jason knows something she doesn’t.

 

“I think… it’s just a rebound after he breaks up with Selina.”

 

“Bruce is shit if that’s true.”

 

“No, he’s not! I don’t mind if he gets to be mine just for a while,” little Jason corrected.

 

“Yeah he is huh,” Jason said instead, “but I’m just as guilty, I know what it is and I let it happen. I got carried away that’s all.”

 

Steph was deep in thought for a moment, eyes staring hard the beer can in her hand.

 

“Jay, what’s really happening?” Steph meant every word of it, like she just saw through Jason.

 

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

 

Steph rolled her eyes, “I’ve seen some weird magical shit in this world, try me.”

 

Yeah, their world is a little crazy, isn’t it? “There’s this child, in my head,” Jason started, and he told Steph everything.

 

From the first time he saw little Jason and all his antics. Though careful not to overshare, there’s no way he’s telling he how whiny his teenage portrayal really is, and how much he’s tearing him apart at the seams. From Steph’s unfazed face, it’s either she wasn’t impressed or it’s so crazy her face just froze, give or take.

 

“Doesn’t it mean that this little guy do you good? Made you face your feelings and what you wanted.”

 

Jason paused, a bit surprised that Steph believed him just like that. Then shrugged.

 

“Yeah, and it does feel good whenever I grant his wish. Sometimes.”

 

“So, you haven’t seen him in a while, but he shows up now?”

 

“Yeah, he’s right beside you actually.”

 

Steph raised her eyebrows, amused “really?”

 

“Yeah, he likes you.”

 

“I like you too Jay,” Steph cheekily replied, making Jason scoffs.  “What? He’s you right? Means that you like me huh?”

 

“Thought you knew.”

 

“I do, but telling me that from time to time feels nice ya know.” Guess Steph’s right, and Jason just nods at that.

 

They paused again, Steph looks to the side where little Jason leaned his head on Steph’s shoulders.

 

“What does he want now?” Steph finally asked.

 

“I don’t wanna say it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m not planning to grant it.”

 

“What!? Why!!” Little Jason stood up glaring daggers at Jason, “Tell her Jason, she could help!”

 

“Maybe I could help,” Steph proposed like she just heard little Jason’s plea.

 

“No, I don’t want you to.”

 

“Why?” both of them questioned.

 

“It’s just, not happening, never gonna happen.” Jason raised his voice, starting to get irritated.

 

“What if it could! Why are you saying that without trying? It’s not that Bruce completely hates you anymore! Imagine if he could love us back! It would be—”

 

“No.” Jason firmly put, “It doesn’t work like that.”

 

“What doesn’t work like that!?” Little Jason barked out of frustration.

 

“This relationship!” Jason screamed on little Jason’s face, “We are not more than this, how do you think we could maintain what we have, it’s because it’s nothing more than just sex, we’re not Red Hood and Batman in that room, that’s why it worked!”

 

Little Jason went silent, and at the same time, Jason realized too, “But he’s Batman more than he’s Bruce Wayne, and I’m Red Hood, it’s who we are. Maybe we could strip off those identities in a short while. Maybe you could Jason, but he can’t. You put on that gear, you’re no longer Jason Todd, you’re Red Hood, a criminal under Batman’s watchful eyes.”

 

Jason gasped in short breath, on a glaring contest with his younger self, “But what does it mean?” little Jason whispered, devoid of any strength.

 

“It means you can’t have what you want,” Jason pressed his eyes shut with his hands, “Stop wanting more, I could reach out for it, but he won’t give it, he couldn’t.”

 

He felt a hand patting his back, then he realized Steph is beside him the whole time. Jason cursed to himself. What is he doing? How did he get himself like this? Talking like a mad man in front of Steph.

 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t speaking to—”

 

“I know, you’re talking to him,” Steph soothed, rubbing circles on his back.

 

“I could live with this, it’s actually not that bad,” Jason reassured himself, “just ignoring a crush, and it gets annoying whenever he gets pushy, but I’ll get used to it.”

 

Steph sighed, “You know, Selina is a bad guy, but they dated anyway.”

 

“Yeah and look at how they ended up.” Jason sighed, they were so close to marrying. He didn’t know what happened, nor did he wanted to know. Whatever it is, it makes Bruce fall to him instead, so he’s not gonna complain.

 

Steph pressed her lips, Jason knew he just proved his point, “It’s okay, I’m satisfied with what I have now.” He’s saying that more to himself than to Steph, hoping if he said it a few more times it’ll really feel that way.

 

“Hey, I think it’s not that impossible, in time I think he’ll ease up to you, it just takes a looot of time.” Steph bumps his shoulder, offering a comforting smile.

 

Jason doesn’t let himself hope, but it does sound comforting, “Thanks Steph.”

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Things get weirder, but Jason embraces it instead. Slowly things began to change. They met up for the sake of seeing each other, just saying hi, even sometimes to patch up their wounds after patrol. Jason still doesn’t operate as Red Hood on Gotham, whenever his target in Gotham, he passed it to one of the bats that’s not on Batman’s blacklist. It hurts his pride but it’s the price he pays.

 

Breakfast together become mandatory after sex. After the sexual tension disperses, they stick around and playful banter. Once or twice Jason would teach Bruce to cook, and Bruce would fail every time. They take turns in choosing movies or series, and when it gets too political, they would get into a heated argument, that surprisingly didn’t go down into a fist fight, but dominance fight in their bed instead.

 

When they had spare times, they spent their days on the sofa or bed just cuddle while one read or on the phone. Jason’s safe house becomes a place to chill, for the two to just exist. In these times Jason is his happiest.

 

Where he would let his heart leap whenever Bruce just as little as smiling or having a normal conversation. Those light icy blue eyes will be nowhere but on him, will be warmed whenever Jason treated him right. Every kind of touch is welcomed, rough, tender, painful, caress, as long as they fill their needs, and they’re compatible enough to make each other lose their minds, and enough that the morning afterglow is comfortable and feels like home.

 

Maybe Steph is right?

 

“I knew I should trust her,” little Jason chimed in.

 

“Morning,” a pair of hands slipped and wrap around Jason’s waist, followed by a kiss at the curve of his neck. Jason’s daze cuts off, fortunately in time before he burned his eggs.

 

“Hmm, your stubble is prickly,” Jason kissed the sides of Bruce’s head, “I got fresh blades in the bathroom if you need to shave.”

 

“No, I have afternoon free.”

 

Jason is smiling ear to ear, wearing it proudly even though Bruce could see.

 

“I’m starting to think that you actually do have something to do, just bailing out to be with me.”

 

“Would that be so bad?”

 

Bad for Jason’s heart, yes, does Jason enjoy it? Yes, every hammering thump Bruce made his heart do.

 

He turned the stove off, and turned around, kissing Bruce on the lips once, okay twice, maybe a little bit more.

 

“Shower, you stink,” Jason finally said, pushing Bruce away.

 

While Bruce shower, Jason put their breakfast on the coffee table, searching for things to watch since it’s his turn to choose.

 

Yeah, this is definitely getting weirder.

 

But their mundane morning isn’t the weirdest thing about today. The weirdest thing that happens is that _nothing_ happens today. Jason didn’t show himself today, he’s in Gotham for other reasons. Batman knocks on his window, looking like a sad child abandoned in the rain, and Jason let him in. He didn’t speak at all when Jason helped him takes his gear off. Jason had asked, ‘what happened?’, Bruce just shook his head and say, ‘I just need to be here.’ Anger, is how Jason know Bruce is upset, but yesterday is the saddest he’s ever seen.

 

Bruce just slept on his bed and cuddled in Jason’s arms last night. So, it’s not always about sex anymore, Bruce didn’t need his body, and just came for—

 

“Us!” little Jason entered his peripheral, “I think he’s starting to like us, we got a chance!”

 

“Shhh! Shut up!” Jason scolded, yet feeling flustered still, does he really has a chance? “Don’t get your hopes up, let me enjoy it.”

 

Little Jason pouts, for once he looks cute and not terrorizing, “Don’t make that face at me! It’s not working.”

 

“What you’re mumbling about?” Bruce came in with comfortable clothes on, it wasn’t Jason’s, Bruce started to leave his clothes here, and Jason totally didn’t wear them sometimes.

 

“Just trying to find something interesting,” Jason looked through his DVDs.

 

Bruce sat down on the couch, coffee in hand, “You have any plan today?”

 

“Yeah, there’s a book fair in Gotham, opened every year, and I always come, why?” Jason sets on Handmaid’s Tale and digs into his plate of scrambled eggs and toast.

 

“I thought you requested my company yesterday.”

 

Is that what yesterday today? Bruce having a bad time and still came because he thought Jason asked for him?

 

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “No I’m not, I’m here for the book fair, and I didn’t stand on any rooftop since I got here.” Afraid that there’ll be a misunderstanding, he looks back to see confirmation from Bruce’s face. Only to see the older’s face knits confusedly.

 

“I thought you’re here for me,” Bruce grumbled, and swear to God, _pouting_.

 

Jason almost fell to the floor because that face just shot him in the heart with a big ass arrow. That was the cutest face ever made by the broody knight of Gotham. With all his might, he almost runs to the man’s lap.

 

Jason reached out to Bruce’s face, mushing his cheeks between his hands and playfully yanking them right and left, “You should’ve told me you missed me!”

 

“I huust hought—” Bruce said with face still mushed, didn’t even try to take Jason’s hands off.

 

“You’re always welcome in my bed Bruce, you knew that,” Jason reassured, patting his face.

 

The older man smiled on his coffee, gentle blue eyes radiating kindness at him, Jason could look at that face all day, “I could tag along if you want.”

 

“Tag along what?”

 

“I’ll accompany you,” Bruce cleared, Jason still confused, “To this book sale, only if you don’t mind.”

 

Jason put the piece together and rolled his eyes, “I can pay my own books, Bruce.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“I’m just kidding, I know,” Jason broke into a smile, and he better be not damn blushing. They never really went out together, it would be like—

 

“Like a date!” little Jason popped beside Bruce, linking his arms around him. Damn that kid, but seeing himself touch Bruce like that, he felt like it was him. It was weird but whatever.

 

A date. Huh, what do you know, things do progress, wonder if it’s okay now to get his hopes up. Maybe… he just needs patience, slowly moving forward.

 

“That’s cool, let’s go together,” hiding behind his grin, was a gleeful child.

 

“Okay,” Bruce agrees, he wonders if Bruce hides the same smile.

 

 

+++++++++++

 

 

“This is ridiculous Jason.”

 

“You can’t expect I’ll let you go without a disguise? I’m not hanging out in broad daylight with Bruce Fuckin’ Wayne.”

 

Jason bumped his shoulder to Bruce’s, careful now, wouldn’t want people to see that Jason is bullying an elderly. The touch of white on Bruce’s hair is the one that really did it, only a few lines on his face, and a prosthetic jaw with an attached salt and pepper beard, topped with a mustache. You wouldn’t even know this old man is Bruce Wayne.

 

The book fair was held by Gotham. There are not only books here, food stalls, arts and crafts, and a lot of quirky stores. The star of the show is the mad sale on the second-hand books, but that’s not what Jason’s here for. Some people put some self-publishing books that didn’t reach the stores. When he was a kid, he would come here with his mom just for the sake of going out, but then Jason fell in love. Sometimes he would find hidden jewels in those indie books.

 

It’s the best day to visit, not too many people, not sunny though since it’s Gotham, but it’s not too dark this noon.

 

Jason got a few books in the paper bag, some really old and used but really cheap, and a few indie books that are really promising. Got a doll for Bizzaro, accessories for Starfire, if she came back, and he will share his books with Artemis.

 

“Hey, boysenberry milkshake, I don’t know they’re in season,” Jason nods at the purple-ish stand.

 

“They’re not, probably frozen and not local, no berries could grow in Gotham.”

 

“The more reason to try it.”

 

Jason got a boysenberry milkshake, and Bruce got the boysenberry sweet iced tea.

 

“Mine is nice, you wanna try?” the question surprisingly came from Bruce.

 

“Uh, yeah sure, try mine too,” Jason handed his milkshake and takes Bruce’s, it tasted like, well, boysenberry and tea.

 

“It’s nice,” Jason stated, and look up to Bruce, inhaling his milkshake, “Hey! You’re hoarding my milkshake!” he reached out but Bruce deftly dodges his hands.

 

“I like yours better,” Bruce said cheekily.

 

“I like mine better too! Give it to me!” Jason reaches out again but not too eagerly, enjoying the smile on his face and on Bruce’s instead.

 

Every time Jason reaches out, Bruce extended his milkshake away from Jason and turn away. Laughing like children in the middle of the park, round and round that seems to no end just for a milkshake. A milkshake this billionaire can buy a thousand of.

 

“I might give it back, for a price,” Bruce teased, face so close to each other that Jason could feel his berries scented breath.

 

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?” Jason dramatically gasped.

 

Bruce just leaned his face forward, mirroring the playful smile on Jason’s face, that was sign enough, and Bruce definitely doesn’t need to ask twice.

 

Bruce’s lips tasted so sweet from the boysenberry. Jason held back the urge to bite hard, and Bruce didn’t have the same sentiments and slipped in his tongue right between his teeth. What supposed to be a simple kiss now has heated up into a full make-out session in broad daylight. A few people murmur around them, some said ‘ew’ out loud. As long as Bruce didn’t care, why should Jason?

 

How long have they’ve been together now? Well, not together, but this. They’ve been keeping whatever they are inside four walls. Kissing under the sky, taking fresh air when they parted to breathe, feeling some sense of freedom and pride. Showing to the world that Bruce is Jason’s… in some way. He regretted putting a disguise on Bruce now.

 

Bruce was the one that pulled apart first, and when Jason opened his eyes, he understands why people murmurs and all the ‘ew’ he hears. Bruce looks like he’s 70, a very good looking 70-year-old, mind you.

 

“What you’re laughing at?” Bruce chuckled, one of those rare ones.

 

“We’re kissing while you looked like my granddad,” and then Jason leaned forward for a kiss.

 

Bruce groaned, “No wonder.”

 

Jason laughed at him, and pulling his hand to walk, “There’s an art display, nothing fancy, made by kids but wanna take a look?”

 

He realized he was holding Bruce’s hand, so he loosened his grip, and he didn’t get too far before Bruce held it back.

 

“Sure, let’s go,” the warmth from his hand just shoot up to Jason’s face.

 

This is a bit immature, this type of flowery fluffy teenage feelings thing, feeling the butterfly in your stomach at the slightest touch thing, those aren’t Jason’s thing, yet he’s feeling flushed anyway. He held back the hand on his, glancing at the old face once in a while. He can’t even see his face because of all of that synthetic beard. But the eyes, those smiling blue eyes, fuck why is he all jittery like this? He’s not a fucking teenager crushing for the first time.

 

“What’s so wrong in feeling happy?” little Jason walked beside him, corners of his lips spreads from ear to ear.

 

Jason narrowed his eyes, a bit weird he just suddenly appears.

 

“More like I never disappear in the first place,” little Jason shrugged his shoulders, “You know, this isn’t what I really wanted but… it’s making me feel happy… let’s enjoy it the best we can.”

 

And you know what? This time, Jason agrees with himself. If that means he has butterfly stomach thing for every little thing Bruce did, then he’s going to let it roam and made him smile. Letting himself be happy isn’t a sin.

 

Jason tightens his hold on Bruce’s hand. He doesn’t want this day to ever end.

 

 

+++++++

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one of the important chapter.... i really wish i do good in this chapter.... but prolly ooc tho so brace yourself I guess?

 

 

Dates become a thing, though they don’t call it that. They just ‘hang out’ at a coffee shop that just opened, museums, to get pizzas, and sometimes just them getting some air, walking aimlessly around town.

 

Though not every day is all peachy daisy. Emergency calls cut their day short, Jason being away for weeks going offline, Bruce going to space for League business, but they pull through. When they have time to meet, they make the best out of it.

 

The best out of it includes a whole night of sex, mornings together, and if they have some extra time, they’ll go out for lunch. If they’re too lazy to go out, they just watch shows on marathons, discuss a book, playing board games, literally anything.

 

Tonight is one of those nights where their time has to be cut short. Bruce said he has something to take care of tonight, but he’ll be done by the end of the night. He didn’t say what he’s taking care off, since it’s his city, not Red Hood’s, and you think Bruce would start trusting Jason as Red Hood in his town after these whole time… No, he doesn’t.

 

It doesn’t hurt his pride anymore, or as much, but Jason worries sometimes, and at the end of the day he just has to trust Bruce that Batman can take care of himself.

 

And that trust was broken when Jason got a call from him at 4 AM.

 

“Hey, you’re coming?” Jason pressed his phone on his ear in one hand, and his book in the other.

 

“You… got you… got the Red Hood gear?” Bruce said between grunts, there’s a few yelling and roars in the background.

 

“Yeah, where are you? Are you in the middle of a fight?” Jason gets up from the couch, getting a package from a secret compartment under one of the tiles in the bathroom. Inside the walls were his gear, his goggles, face mask and a shit ton of ammo.

 

“Gotham docks.”

 

Jason is geared up, guns on his thigh holder and inside his jacket, “Real bullets or rubber ones?”

 

“Real ones.”

 

“Fuck yeah.”

 

 

\------

 

 

Jason whipped up the good ones, his prized assault rifles, and he chose a good time to use it too. Of course, Batman wouldn’t let Red Hood get real bullets if the opponent was people.

 

Bruce said he’ll be done being Batman hours ago, then suddenly calling in for back up,00 means there are unexpected things just came up, enough to surprise the friggin Batman and ask for ‘Red Hood’s help out of all people in his cult.

 

Since it’s an extra emergency, Jason came prepared to fight whatever it is. So, when Jason saw zombified crossbred animals in hoards trying to get to town, Jason didn’t hold back. Only stopping to yell at the Bat members to move away from his line of shot. Nightwing, Signal, Batgirl, and Spoiler is already there, which means Red Hood is really the last resort, which made him feel even more excited to show what these Bat cult couldn’t do.

 

A bomb and hundreds of ammos later, the docks are cleared, just in time when GCPD is coming. The moment they arrived, the bats and Red Hood are all gone leaving nothing but a freakish dead carcass, but not too far. They stood on the highest container stacks, watching over the cleanup, making sure none of those super villains try to get the bodies to perfect whatever those are.

 

“Thanks for the help,” Nightwing steps beside Red Hood, arms uninvitingly wrap around Jason’s shoulder, “I miss ya, buddy.”

 

“Sure Nightwing,” Jason shrugged it off.

 

“You’re playing too cold Jason, you miss him too,” little Jason shipped from where ever he is, thankful for the goggles that cover his rolling eyes.

 

“What you’re doing here though?” Signal asked, “You guys made up?” his vision bouncing back and forth between Red Hood and Batman.

 

“Nah, more like pretending it didn’t happen and mind our own business,” Jason filled in before Batman could, now he’s curious what he would’ve told.

 

“So you’re operating in Gotham again?” Batgirl asked.

 

“No,” Batman quickly put at the same time Red Hood said, “If I need to.”

 

“We had a deal,” Batman warned.

 

Yeah, if Jason sticks to the rule, he wouldn’t have come and they would’ve been dead, but that’s not the point Jason wanted to get across.

 

“You calling me here is breaking a rule already, and you expect me to play fair?” Jason scoffed, “There was never a deal, to begin with, there’s just you forcefully pushing me away.”

 

And even then, Jason forgave him.

 

“If you’re not planning to cooperate, just know I can still use that force to keep you in line.”

 

“Oooh scary, since when you beating me up ever put me in line?” Jason mock.

 

Batman grown silent, Red Hood mirrors that, and the tension is as thick as Gotham’s smog, suffocating the people around them, especially the bystanders. Four pair of eyes behind their respected mask bouncing back and forth to the two vigilantes.

 

“Gotham is my city, I made the rules. If you want to stay you follow it.”

 

“And I did! The fuck Batman? I gave my cases to you so I won’t have to operate here, and this is what I get from you?” Jason challenged.

 

“Enough,” Batman’s voice as cold as ice, stabbing like a dagger, so funny how similar it sounds to Bruce’s, for a moment there Jason forgot they’re the same person.

 

“Why is he acting like that?” little Jason clutch Jason’s hand, and he tried not to look down where little Jason leaned on his side. “We’ve been good, aren’t we? But why is he looking at us like that? It’s not fair!” Little Jason growled, Jason can almost feel him glaring at Batman.

 

But little him was right. The fuck is Batman’s problem with him? He’s been playing docile but still being treated like this is... it’s...

 

“No, you listen to me, _Batman_ ,” Jason steps in, head high, “I devoted myself to you before I lost my life for you. I helped you, trying to make amends because yeah, I know and I _admit_ I’m not all perfect at the first phase of my second life, but you? What did you do for me but --” each word contain poison, hurt, and tension. Jason held back right in time. He never wanted Bruce to know that... never, but the words let go so effortlessly.

 

He didn’t know what gets him so angry. Like there’s fire growing bigger in the pit of his stomach, burning his heart, and he’s spitting them all. But he’s devastated at how Batman just dismissed him like that. Jason had... he loved Bruce, and it feels like everything is gone when he put on the cowl.

 

“You took my childhood and my life, that I never blamed you. I tried to let go of you taking what I have left of a family, you ripped it out of my heart. How dare you, trying to take this city from me… I was born and raised here, memories left of my mother and father… how could you…” those words didn’t escape Jason’s lips, but from little Jason’s, looking up to Batman’s cold hard face with teary eyes. Jason hated it, hated that weak pathetic face.

 

The only reason Bruce even lets him in Gotham is... well, he wonders.

 

“What do you want?” Batman hissed, if that wasn’t a stab on Jason’s pride there’s more coming, “Name it, and I’ll give it to--”

 

“Fuck you!” he screamed, head pressing against Batman’s cowl, throwing his anger at him, “You selfish self-righteous fuck!” Jason pushed his chest, Batman didn’t budge from where he’s standing, that prick.

 

“I did what I have to do for the sake of this city if that means I have to take from you and your ways,” even as he said that his voice calm and collected, like Jason, didn’t mean anything at all, or… Red Hood isn’t.

 

“Did he just say that?” Little Jason growls, “Did he just really... he would do that to us. Us, Jason! How could he!” Little Jason screamed.

 

“My ways? I-” Jason bites back the continuation. “It’s not like I mass murder people, I cherry pick them carefully, the ones that would kill thousands, power that would escape jail with their pocket money, and you punish me like one of these super villains and I’m supposed to be your son, or am I lower than those villains in your eyes?” little Jason whispered the rest of it.

 

“You don’t punish Nightwing the same, fuck, even Batwoman get to stay, why me? Answer me!” Jason screamed.

 

The silence suffocates them, maybe for them, but the longer the second ticks the more anger build up in him. When there’s no answer to his question, it confirmed his fear.

 

“He hates me,” little Jason gasped, voice shaking, “I’m a failure, I failed him, and there’s nothing I could do to mend it, nothing… nothing…” little Jason falls to his knees and wailed.

 

 _SHUT UP!_ Jason screamed internally. He never wanted to think about that. He knew... he knew that he’s fucked up. But he’s not wrong! Why can’t Bruce just... accept him this way?

 

Batman is moving his lips, but he can’t hear anything. His ears are ringing and the only thing he hears is little Jason whining and bitching while crying at the same time.

 

Too loud and clear little Jason’s words are, it rings in Jason’s ear, the screams slice his heart in half. Little Jason is crying, but Jason didn’t mirror that, sadness didn’t do anything, at least if you’re angry, you fight, you do something other than stood uselessly and cry, and that’s what Jason did.

 

Batman didn’t answer, Jason can’t hear it. None of his fucking kids says anything. And what’s left is little Jason’s wails. “He never accepted me, he thinks I’m evil. He threw us away Jason. He never wanted to see us. They’re not even saying anything, because they agree. All of them, they hated us. We’re not needed here. We have no one on our side. We’re alone. I’m discarded.”

 

Over and over again.

 

Crying growing louder. Words sinking deeper.

 

The world is quiet and there’s no other sound than his own.

 

And Jason sees red.

 

His hand flew to Batman’s face but landed on the shadows he left. Batman couldn’t dodge forever, a few hits on his face, on his arms, and that warms him up. The shadow starts fighting back. Fists landed on flesh, armor, face, then punches weren’t enough. They grab each other by the collar, or by anything at all, slamming each other against the ground, fighting to take turns in pinning, this time not for dominance, but to hurt. Batman got Red Hood by the neck while Jason punching the hell out of that face.

 

They were interrupted by hands pulling them apart, only then he realized the voices besides their own grunting and screams.

 

“That’s enough both of you!” Spoiler pushed the two apart, Batgirl on Batman, and Nightwing and Signal holding Jason back.

 

They stopped by force, but Jason just came to a realization, ‘ _what have I done?_ ’

 

“You stood up for yourself that’s what,” little Jason said quietly, like little conscious of justification.

 

“It seems to me like you haven’t resolved your problems,” Batgirl says the fucking obvious, glaring at Jason.

 

“There’s no problem,” Jason countered, shrugging off whoever held him back, “We’re gonna get along just fine ain’t we? Only when you need me,” Jason steps in eyes sharp on the while lenses of the cowl.

 

“And when _you_ need me,” Batman retorts back.

 

Hidden behind his face mask, an evil sneer on his lips, “Now _that’s_ a deal.”

 

With that, Jason walks away to the edge of the container, ignoring looks from the rest of them and jump off the building. Grappling the fuck away from that mess.

 

 

+++++

 

 

“Please stop crying.”

 

He didn’t, little Jason has been crying since he got to his safe house. Low sobs, occasional whine, tears that must’ve been liters already, geez. It’s been three hours and Jason is getting a headache, plus the bruises in his head, biceps, his left cheekbone is turning blue while the eyes are bloodshot red, what's worse is that it’s not from a punch. Though most of his soreness is from fighting mutant animals, he can pinpoint which one is caused by Bruce.

 

Jason laid down on the couch, topless, and ice on his shoulder. He hadn’t move for a few minutes now, he’s sore everywhere, though he’s been worse. But the pain isn’t the only thing freezing him in time and space. All sorts of things boiling down inside him, but little Jason pretty much sums up what he felt, and he’s crying in the corner of the room, knees tucked to his chest, balled up like a child hiding away.

 

 _What happened?_ Jason rarely ever explode like that, at least not anymore. He has gotten control of his pit rage. Jason could’ve walked away from that since it’s the same old argument between him and Bruce. He remembered feeling like he’s cornered, and... little Jason’s words repeating over and over again. It felt like his mind swirls into the dark place he’s been trying to ignore.

 

He didn’t want to put the blame, but he’s fucking sure what just happened is not 100% sober Jason. Or is it? Groaning, Jason throws away the ice and pressed his face onto his hands. Jason had put this problem away for far too long. That problem is little Jason. There’s no denying that he does have some effect on him. He had to get rid of him somehow...

 

“All I did was stating the truth!” little Jason finally voice something else than crying, “It’s not like I can control what I say!”

 

“Can’t you just be quiet then!” Jason barks, “You annoying little shit! You were there acting like a kicked puppy saying shit to me, what did you do to me? Did you... oh fucking hell, did you hypnotize me? Cast a spell?”

 

“I’m just saying how I feel!” Little Jason stood up from his corner.

 

“Next time, DON’T SAY what you feel!” Jason is throwing his hands.

 

“I CAN’T” little Jason is using his shrill scream.

 

“WHAT THE FLYING FUCK YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T? Just put your lips together and never open them again until I die! Simple!” Two can play that game.

 

“It’s just what I am Jason!!”

 

“Yeah, what the fuck are you?! I’ve been asking what you are fro-”

 

The window rattles and Jason froze in place. A familiar outline he has seen hundreds of time, and he let the shadow open the window. Face battered just as bad as his, even the cowl didn’t protect him much. Bruce steps into his room, not Batman, Bruce. He didn’t take a step further, just leaning against the window.

 

Little Jason stopped crying.

 

Jason shoots up from his seat, making long strides towards the man, not caring he bumped the furniture in his way. Hands grabbing on his collar, shoving him towards his lips as they smashed them together. It hurts, but the pain felt like a slap on his face to wake up. Jason licks over the cuts on Bruce’s lips, the cut made by some mutant gorilla.

 

Bruce grabbed his hips, pulling him even closer if it’s even possible. Jason let those hands roam him all over, up to his chest, and the ridges of his abs. They finally landed on his crotch and then finally settled on grabbing his ass, all of that while Bruce so eagerly roam inside his mouth and Jason’s arms grabbing onto his body possessively.

 

Not a lot of people can pick him up, only the super-powered ones and Bruce. With both hands on his ass, he was lifted, and his feet didn’t touch for a few seconds until he was thrown across his bed. Bruce landed on top of him. His eager hands reach out to his bare skin after Bruce takes off his jacket and shirt, roaming on the familiar skin like they’ve returned home. Bruce landed his first kiss on the roots of his hair, down to the side of his eyes, cheeks, then lips. Each tender to the touch enough to make Jason’s heart skip a beat by the unprecedented gentleness.

 

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said between kisses, an apology that sounded genuine making Jason’s mind short circuit for a second. “I’m so--”

 

“Less talking, more action Bruce.” Jason sealed his lips with a kiss, he’s not letting go of him, or let those lips speak today.

 

Though he’s not willing to let go of his lips, Bruce kissed him on the cheeks where the bruise was, chaste and soft, and went down to the rest of them, giving the same treatment. Kisses like sorries, and it felt so good and pure, something Jason thought he will never have. Hands on each of his thigh, and he can feel the fingers savoring his shape and the kisses went even lower. Kisses on every blue in his skin, but the pain didn’t come from the contact.

 

Like on cue, Bruce leveled his eyes with his just as a tear escaped his eyes, and he didn’t pause to caught it with his lips before it landed on the sheet.

 

“I’m not… my eyes just burn,” Jason unnecessarily said.

 

“I know, I caused it, I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop saying you’re sorry, you’re not,” Bruce froze, face down on the crook of Jason’s neck, “I’m not either,” Jason grabbed the back of Bruce’s head, raking the damp raven hair with his cold hands, “We meant every punch, as we meant ever kiss.”

 

Bruce pulled his head away, not too far, only until they can see each other’s eyes, “And what does that mean?”

 

Jason smiled, “The fuck should I know?”, he pressed his temple against Bruce’s taking in each breath that landed on his face. When he opens his eyes, meeting the light blue eyes he’s never bored of, looking back with the same confusion as he is.

 

It wasn’t as Jason expected when Bruce pushed himself up, but he wouldn’t let him go, not tonight.

 

“Don’t go… stay.” Jason held onto Bruce’s elbow, making him land back on top of him.

 

“What is this Jason?” he whispered on top of his lips, the same question, different look on his face, he didn’t know if it’s his eyes making him see things or the man really looked pained.

 

“That again, we’re… just… us, I’m me, and you’re you—”

 

“I think the answer needed an update, don’t you think?”

 

Jason gape, lost in words, “What are you saying?”

 

“Why do you forgive me?” hands on his face, fingers ghosting the bruise on his cheekbones, and Jason pressed his face on that hand, make it feel hurt.

 

“I always forgive you Bruce, and I always forgive Batman.” _I love you_ , Jason closed his eyes, the voice of crying filled his head again.

 

“It’s a violent cycle, Jason.”

 

“So what? It’s my problem, I choose this, I like… doing this.”

 

“What? Just having sex or—”

 

“Just whatever!” Jason sounded desperate and stupid but that’s for later evaluation, “I mean, we’re pretty compatible, aren’t we?”

 

“This isn’t healthy for you.”

 

“You don’t get to decide for me.” Jason pulls Bruce’s hand when he threatened to stand up, flipping them over so Jason would sit on top of him.

 

“You don’t get to decide for me as Red Hood, and you as well don’t fucking choose for me as Jason Todd! What about you? Why do you play along with this? This isn’t healthy for you too! Fuck, and you’re supposed to be my dad, but I didn’t judge you for it.”

 

Bruce opened his lips like he was hesitating, “Because you look happy, I never saw you that happy before,” his hand reaches out for Jason’s face, and he caught it, kissing the rough palm.

 

A lot of Jason’s fears come true today. The previous fight, this argument, and this confession, that Bruce did this out of pity. He closed his eyes, pressing it hard as he tried to calm the thunderclaps and holds back the flood.

 

A few seconds later, and a sharp breath, Jason was ready to face Bruce, to accept it.

 

“Thanks, I guess, I like seeing you undone too,” Jason grabbed the hand on his face and drag it down his chest, “I want you to know, this is not a punishment, it’s a mutual relationship, this only can exist if we both want it.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Jason smiled bitterly, and little Jason cried harder, “And you can stop this whenever you want if you don’t want it anymore.”

 

“I’m not doing this out of pity Jason,” like he just read his mind, Bruce sits up, eyes drilling through.

 

 _Then why are you doing this for?_ But Jason didn’t ask, he’s scared of the answer, and he knows he just said Bruce can leave anytime, but he’s not ready to let him go now, not when Jason needs him. Even so, he knows that Bruce is too drowned in his guilt to see how much Jason needs him now, just to be here.

 

Jason knew there are too many guilt resides in deep down in both their minds about each other. Too proud to admit it. Too proud to say sorry. Even Jason didn’t want to be a bigger person, he stood on his ground, but now he needed Bruce more than his pride.

 

Jason pulled Bruce’s arms, and the older man relents, landing on top on Jason’s body. Cradling his face, Jason pulled the sullen expression to face him. “You’re a good person Bruce.” He saw those entrancing blue eyes blown wide, and Jason had to look away from them for a while before he lost his calm.

 

“You’re... so, so good.” Jason traced the wrinkles in the man’s face, each created a dent, proof of his age and exhaustion of being a hero to this shithole city that he’s never given up on. “None of us is perfect. You do what you think is best. You and your stupid big heart,” Jason chuckled.

 

There’s a lump behind his throat, a big tumor on his chest eating him up. Those flabbergasted eyes above him are tearing his walls. Jason tried to focus on something else. The comfortable weight pressing him, the strands of hair falling down to Bruce’s eyes, and Jason tucks the strand behind his ear before he can stop himself. Even with a battered face, Bruce looks absolutely ethereal.

 

“You’re kind Bruce,” Jason finally admit and leaned down to kiss the corner of his lips. “Compassionate,” another on his jaw. “And absolutely full of love,” Jason felt a jump on top of his chest, feeling the quickened heartbeat jumping out of Bruce’s chest.

 

“Is that what you think of me?” Bruce whispered against Jason’s smirking lips.

 

“I _know_ it is,” Jason persists confidently. _Because I’ve been watching you, even though none of those qualities were ever directed to me_. “I know you have so much love to give,” _almost none given to me_. “Because I’ve seen you do it,” _and I watched the people you gave it to with envy_.

 

Bruce froze absolutely still like the time had stopped. Jason thought he just broke him. The lights from the window hit his face like a movie. Accentuates his charming features, and makes his eyes lively with the reflection of lights. Jason can see himself in those eyes, feeling proud and giddy that right now he’s the center of Bruce’s attention.

 

“Thank you, Jason. I... needed that,” Bruce finally said, and Jason knew he meant every word of that gratitude. It fills him with great pride that for once he’s not just a source of his suffering. That Jason is a help and a shoulder to lean on for him.

 

“I know, I needed that too.” Jason smiled, patting the face on top of him.

 

They sighed, didn’t realize they were holding their breath. Bruce landed his head on Jason’s shoulder, and Jason held him there, with his head on top of his. Bruce smelled of pollution, sweat and rain, the same as Jason. It was raining after they fight, still raining now, and it’s getting even heavier. The silence between them is docile and peaceful. It’s quiet, he didn’t know since when, but little Jason had stopped crying. Finally. Maybe what he said is what he needed to do.

 

“What do you want to do today?” Jason asked, knowing the mood isn’t sexed up, but it’s comfortable, intimate, and Jason is loving this moment just the same. Bruce looks out the window, thinking.

 

“Sleep, we had a rough day today don’t you think?” the corner of his thin lips quirks up elegantly, eyes stare fondly at Jason’s as his fingers travel down his jaw.

 

Jason pressed his lips, as much he agrees with Bruce, he’s just not too keen on him leaving yet. Not wanting this calm, intimate and vulnerable ambiance to end just yet. “It’s still raining, you sure you wanna go back?”

 

“I meant sleeping here, with you.”

 

Oh, that’s even better, “Sure, we gotta shower first though.”

 

Bruce sits up, looking down at Jason, “You coming?”

 

It wouldn’t be Jason if he turned down that invitation. In the end, they didn’t sleep, how can Jason take his hands off naked and wet Bruce? They share kisses and soft touches in the shower, getting more heated the longer they stay. They share languid kisses when they’re finally in bed, pressed against each other under the comforter for warmth from the rain until they finally fall asleep.

 

 

+++++++

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

Things get back to normal, they meet up, have sex, go out on a date, then go on to do their own business. Like their fight didn’t exist. They’re good at ignoring things like that. Jason wanted to think that whatever they have is worth it. It is. Just that it’s growing deeper, and Jason knew it’s one-sided on his behalf. That at the end of this, he’s the one who’ll be hurt the most.

 

It’s been 3 weeks since Jason saw him, only been 3 weeks. He hasn’t seen his best friends for longer, but he misses Bruce already.

 

“Perhaps it’s love?”

 

Jason choked on the water when Kori put it simply like it was obvious. That always means Jason _has_ been obvious, which is not good. Jason felt like hiding himself in a corner, but he can’t, they’re trapped in this rickety small RV with Biz, Artemis, and Kori.

 

“I didn’t say anything about that,” Jason defended.

 

“You don’t have to, your silly face every time you talk about them is unbearable,” if Artemis wasn’t driving, she would’ve given him an eye roll.

 

“Though I might say, I worry for you Jason, you seem to deeply feel for this person, why not confess, make them yours,” Kori sat beside him, hot hands on Jason’s shoulder.

 

They only rooted for him because they didn’t know this person yet, all Jason did was tell a story of he went on a date and the sex, and now they’re shipping him.

 

“It’s complicated, our relationship. We are kinda related?”

 

“I don’t see how that would be an issue,” Kori questioned, and of course Kori wouldn’t see it as a problem.

 

“And you wish you could huh?” little Jason spoke, but Jason doesn’t bother looking for him, he’s trying his best to ignore him.

 

“Red him loves someone?” Biz looks up from his doll, “nothing else matters in love, love is love,” he continued.

 

“Hey, when did you get all smart?” Jason stood up just to ruffle the super’s head, “You’re right Biz, but humans are complicated,” then he just realized he’s the only regular human in this van.

 

“Man and their dishonest ways, what would be better than the truth?” Artemis slander, playfully of course, maybe.

 

“I must agree with Artemis on this Jason, if you wish for your well being,”

 

“Red him is not okay?” Biz, despite his head already reaching the hood of their rackety van, eyes doe like a puppy.

 

“I’m okay Biz, you guys are being too overprotective,” and Jason kinda likes it, “If I said the truth then I might never see him again.”

 

“Oh, it’s a him?” Artemis’s smirk could be heard by the playful tone.

 

_Shit_ , Jason cursed.

 

“If he left you because of the truth, then it might be for the best,” Kori responded.

 

“Maybe I don’t want him to leave, no matter the consequences,” and that put all of them out of the argument.

 

“How would you expect us not to be overprotective when you whirl yourself onto disasters like this,” Jason can imagine Artemis shaking her head on him.

 

“Artemis, you’re practically driving us to a death metal concert where one of the bands, who we still didn’t know, is using one of Bana-Mighdall’s godly deathly weapon as an instrument. And if we failed to stop them, we’ll be reduced to—”

 

“You know what I mean child.”

 

“I’ve stopped being a child at 14.”

 

“Losing your virginity does not make you an adult.”

 

“Obviously! That’s not what I meant! You know what I mean!”

 

“Red him, red her, don’t fight,” Biz whined, both Jason and Artemis melted, along with their stupid argument.

 

“They’re not fighting Bizzaro, it’s like kittens play fighting,” Kori soothed.

 

“Yeah Biz, they just need to remember they’re not my parents,” Jason huffed, face leaning on his palm.

 

“Then I suggest you stop doing things that made me want to adopt you,” Kori fly over to his side, pinching his cheeks and yanking them left and right. At this point Jason just let her be, it was weird at first that she started to act motherly when they have a history of sleeping together, but Jason kinda liked this treatment too.

 

“Yes, we can adopt him, my love,” Artemis sung.

 

“That’s sweet but kinda against my will, and you won’t be able to adopt unless you’re in a relationship recognized by the state, and I’m already this age—”

 

“I’ll marry Kori then,” Artemis cuts, and say it boldly. Cute, but not really the point Jason is getting.

 

The owner of the name beamed in an instant but not as quick as her bolt to Artemis’ side.

 

“You’ll marry me??” her green eyes widen with a smile reaching her ear.

 

Artemis has her sweet eyes on her lover’s beaming face. Artemis is being cute for once, but those eyes are off the road.

 

“A bit early for marriage talk, but yes doll, I love you with all my heart. If you want, we can marry someday.”

 

Kori smiled, eyes up like a happy puppy, playing her hair and hiding behind it, “I would love that.”

 

“To adopt Jason.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“And Bizzaro too.”

 

“Two children, perfect!!”

 

“Awwwwww congratulations red her, star, me am happy to have parents.”

 

“Okay okay, I now pronounce you wife and wife can you please get your eyes on the road.”

 

“ _You_ get your eyes on the road,” Artemis retorts back, eyes still on her lover, smiling while kissing her stupid all over her face, jumping off the driver seat.

 

“Whoa! Artemis what the shit?” Jason quickly jumps in and hold the wheel.

 

“I have a responsibility to hold, I believe my love is due to her fill of kisses.” Artemis, that stone cold woman that used to be all mighty and prideful, now look at her all goey because of Kori. They fly to the bed on the back side of the car, and Jason looks forward as soon as they disappear to the top half of the RV where the bed is.

 

“C’mere Biz, don’t be too near back there, you’ll hear things you can’t unhear.”

 

“But me am hear everything.”

 

Okay, Jason is being stupid on that one, he admits.

 

“Red him will be Bizarro’s brother? We am family?”

 

Jason smiled, hasn’t heard that word in a while, sounds so nice. He’ll have the weirdest and most badass mothers ever, one of them he has slept with, the other he kissed on the lips, and his brother is a mutated clone of Superman that would be his little brother forever. Ain’t the most conventional family, but Jason is used to unconventional.

 

“Hmm, that would be nice isn’t it Biz?”

 

 

+++++++++

 

 

They need a disguise to infiltrate the concert and decide that the best way to gain information is to sign in as a performing band. They had practiced a song a month 2 weeks ago, and it still baffles Jason how decent they get to play in the short notice.

None of them have any idea about punk rock emo fashion. So, Kori is assigned to shop with Bizarro while Jason and Artemis figured out a strategy to infiltrate and how to find the owner of the instrument among the bands performing.

 

With Kori’s sense of ‘less clothing the best clothing’, and Biz’s sense of everything cute, the combination is what the sinful clothes they’re wearing now.

 

Kori on vocal and rhythm guitar, wearing a frilly skin-tight black lace dress that’s worn like a corset. It has a heart-shaped neckline with pleated lace on top that barely covers half her chest. The skirt victorian style layered lace skirt that’s only 3 fingers long from her crotch and a fishnet train on the back that drops till her knees. Showing a shadow of the black lace panties she’s wearing, paired with black and red accented knee-high boots with heels so sharp it could kill. Pleated red lace topped with (hopefully fake) diamonds snug on her neck, dripping trains of little beads that connected to another red pleated lace with jewels on the top acts as shoulder pads, where from there, the jewels fall down to her elbows. She did a half braid on her head, and a bloody black flower crown with spikes.

 

And what she picked for Artemis the bassist, was a tight red leather jacket that falls down to her ribs. Inside that jacket is a tight turtle neck black leather crop top with a sinfully wide boob window, showing the scar on he back and a few on he abs. Her pants were just as tight, leather slim black leggings with hollowed out red lace drawstrings like a corset on the side of both legs from her hips down to her ankle, where it ended in a studded spikes burgundy red Lita shoes. Her hair pulled tight in a slick high ponytail.

 

Kori went easy with Bizzaro on drums, patched up black jeans and black studded jeans vest with a sleeveless graphic t-shirt underneath that was ripped at the bottom paired with combat boots.

 

Jason is on lead guitar and screamo (for obvious reason, someone has to scream in this fake band). When Kori handed his outfit saying ‘don’t wear underwear’, Jason starts sweating, and he was right. The jeans were so tight, and ripped all over, the biggest in on his thighs, but the one that made it obscene was the rips right below his ass. Paired with studded red leather belt slightly slanted fit and metal chains. Under the jeans, he wore a red very high waisted hollowed out fishnet stocking that reached a few centimeters above his belly button, showing on the ripped holes, covering nothing at all and only acts like aesthetic.

 

That was only the bottom half. The top was a fit black crop top with a boat neckline, showing his collar bone, but thankfully a bit thick in material and not as tight as the jeans. It’s also ripped all over, most are on the bottom that only ends right at the top of his abs and the end of his sleeves that reaches his palms. But there’re gashes of rips on his chest that shows the curve of his pecs and with the right move, there will be a nipple flash. Some of his scars show, especially on his dissection scars on his chest, and the one peppered here and there. To top that all off, a tall leather choker with a metal hinge and a huge metal ring in the middle. The only less sinful part of all this was the combat boots and fingerless gloves, which are his own. His hair is also left on its natural mess, but he washed his dye and let his white streak shows.

 

“And makeup! Everyone has to wear makeup!” Kori cheered, grabbing her big box filled with various products.

 

Artemis and Biz have simple black eyeshadows around their eyes. Kori has a complicated cut crease smoky eyes with wings long and sharp like her heels. She insisted that Jason had red eyeshadows and mascara instead. Jason and Biz had black lipstick, Kori is plum purple, and Art is deep red.

 

“I look like a sin,” Jason groaned, looking in a mirror, and trying to not see his nipples peeking throught from the rips.

 

“Feels like a sin too,” little Jason adds.

 

“Me looks cool!” Biz cheered.

 

“You are buddy, but not the rest of us,” Jason sighed.

 

“Hmmm, I’ve seen this type of clothing before,” little Jason sent Jason a once over, and Jason does remember where this type of clothing came from.

 

“Kori, where did you get this outfit?”

 

“Leather & Lace, why?”

 

Jason closed his eyes, pinching his nose, “That’s a BDSM store.”

 

“Ooooh, that explains all the dildo’s and this pan like a stick,”

 

“Doesn’t matter, does it? You look great Jason, we all do, especially you, my dear,” Artemis kissed Kori’s cheek, the liquid lipstick hasn’t dried yet, but Kori didn’t wipe it off, think she’s wearing it as a look.

 

“Why Biz looks the most decent of us all though??” Jason protested.

 

“They don’t have his size,”

 

Of course… They might look kinda like a BDSM sex worker, but hopefully, they’ll fit in.

 

“Fine, time to go in. Don’t forget the member’s pass, let’s roll.”

 

They parked at the performers parking space. The concert is held away from the city in an open and empty space in between the city. There’ll be approximately 10.000 people, not counting the crew and the other bands except the guest star. For someone that has the harp to control the people’s mind, it’s rather a small target, that’s what they have to find out.

 

They got out of their RV, everyone is also dressed in black and dark colors. Despite feeling dressed over the top, they’re not that odd compared to everyone else there. They got through the backstage, signing in with the receptionist there, a man with long hair and gauge earrings that fall to his shoulders.

 

“You are signed in ‘The Outlaws’, just wait at the performers parking area, put this sticker on your RV so it won’t get towed, first band is up at 9. Your band is the second.”

 

After signing in, they went back to the parking spot with all the bands hanging out in an open area in front of the parking lot. The star guest is nowhere to be found, or maybe in the VIP waiting area apart from this one. There’re a few whispers around with eyes on them, maybe it’s the scar or Bizzaro, but some of them have body mods even worse so they can’t be too weirded out. Some look even as naked as Kori too. Maybe they noticed that they’re new.

 

“None of them seems to be holding a harp,” Jason looks around.

 

“I can feel it’s nearby, but it’s faint. Like my mistress, it has to be called,” Artemis explained.

 

“Okay, we still have a few hours until we get on stage, everyone remembers the music right?”

 

They nod, “Nice, let’s split up and blend in, get information, be here in 3 hours, and Biz?” Bizzaro looks down at Jason, “Don’t punch people okay? No matter what they do.”

 

“O~~kay.”

 

They split up. Artemis went up to the crowd with beer barrels and alcohol, Kori went over to the girls and compliment them, Biz didn’t need to go around, the moment he was left alone a few teenagers approached him, must’ve curious at his build. Jason went over to the corner of smokers. He looks at someone a bit further back, smoking alone as he leaned on one of the RVs. It’ll be an easy and personal approach, so Jason did that.

 

“Can I get a light?” Jason asked with a bit of honey in his tone.

 

“You sure can babe,” he smirked, and Jason easily mirrors that.

 

The guy is only a bit shorter than him, but has a nice bulk in his body. Dressed in simple black everything tops with a brown leather jacket that Jason feels he owned at some point. Dirty blond hair, messy stubbles, fine lines on his eyes showing his age, jade eyes, attractive all over. Jason starting to think he has a type.

 

Jason whipped out his cig and before the man flips out his lighter, Jason leaned forward to press the end of his stick on the man’s burning one and puffed until there’s light on his cig. The man smirked at the gesture, cocking his eyebrows amusedly. Jason got this in the bag.

 

“You’re a new band huh?” the man has a bit of gruff in his voice, of yeah, Jason has a type.

 

“What gives it out?” Jason smirks, he’s no longer faking at how he’s checking the guy out.

 

“Everybody knows everybody in the community, and your band name isn’t in the poster, your band’s not alone though,” and Jason knew that, compared to most concerts, this one is pretty big, the guest star is Dethklok and Crown the Empire, legends, and the smaller bands performs as filler, good publicity too.

 

“I know, that’s why I’m making friends right now,” Jason sighed his smoke up to the purple sky.

 

“Friends? You should go over there if you wanted more connections,” he nods at the crowd of people sitting around, chatting with a bong passed around.

 

“Naaah, you look lonely, so I shifted my list of priorities,” Jason smirked, leaning noticeably closer.

 

“Accompanying an old man is on your list?” the man looks amused, and man does he looks good with that crooked grin.

 

“Always,” Jason felt like a fuck boy, but he already dressed like one, so might as well.

 

The man smirked, eyes on fire as he gave Jason a once over. Oh, Jason knows where this is going, and he might see this through if the guy didn’t turn out to have a wife or a criminal or things like that.

 

_The mission Jason, there’s a deadly weapon on the loose your thirsty ass can wait._

 

“Jeremy,” Jason introduced himself with the fake name, “Friends called me Jer.”

 

“Noah, nice to meet you Jer,” and they shook hands.

 

“Been around this biz for a while?” Jason started casually.

 

“You can say that, but I was an accountant at first,”

 

Jason raised his eyebrows, pretending to be surprised, “Really? You? Being clean shaven, slicked-back hair and a suit? Hmmm,” now it’s Jason that gave the man a once over, “I can’t imagine, I like this look better on you.”

 

“Me too, never felt this true to myself,” Noah agreed, “How about you?”

 

“I’m not sure, but right now, I’m comfortable enough as it is,” Jason drags in his cigs, it’s not a complete lie.

 

“You’re gonna find it kid, I got a feeling that you’re a tough cookie to break,” and ain’t that the truth? Not even death can put him down apparently.

 

“Thanks, I am,” Jason said proudly as trails of smoke bleeds from his lips, “And I fight back, so if you could point to the people in the crowd that I should land my fist on.”

 

“Hahaha, these crowds fight back too, even though I know you’ll be on the winning side,” good to know Noah acknowledge that he’s ripped, “Though some would just creep the hell out of you.”

 

“Oh? And who are these people?”

 

Noah nods at the crowd drinking beers and having a chugging contest against Artemis, that guy had no hope in winning, “You see the people watching people chugging? Long hair, red highlights,” Jason spotted the guy, tall and skinny, paler than Jason’s skin fresh out of the grave, “He’s the leader of Deivos, If you’re not a worshipper of the devil, he’s not gonna be interested in you.”

 

“A cult metal band huh?”

 

“Right, it’s one thing to make it your aesthetic, another if you’re really a worshipper.”

 

Now, that’s interesting, Jason held his earpiece, and whisper, “You hear that Artemis?”

 

“Mhmm,” she hums at the other end.

 

“How about that guy?” Jason nods at the bulky man doing an arm wrestle with Bizzaro, “I think even I could win against that guy.”

 

“Oh that’s my drummer actually,” Noah lightly chuckles, “He may look like a tough redneck, but he’s actually harmless and sweet.” Jason can see that, maybe that’s why he’s getting along with Bizarro.

 

Noah nods at the girls talking with Kori, it’s clear that one of the girls is stripping Kori naked with their eyes, damn who doesn’t? “Those girls, however, are a bit scary, they really take no shit, you disagree with them, you get blood.”

 

Jason’s eyes shot up, “That sounds interesting, did they shed blood already?”

 

Noah nods, “September last year, someone sent to the ICU because they were feeling them up and it was the first time I knew the studded bat wasn’t a decoration and they have a knife on them at all times. There’re more things they did, but it was the only one where I’m there.”

 

“Huh then the guy deserves it, they’re cool to me. But how is she not arrested?”

 

“Oh, she was, but her dad’s influential, or so I’ve heard. Bailed her out pretty quick. And that’s pretty much everyone I know, the rest of them are new, a lot of new bands here tonight.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Rumor says that a few label companies people are in the crowd tonight, the one that the guest stars today signed under.”

 

Now that’s new information, that there’s recruiter here. It could be the reason why one of this band wanted to use the Harp to control minds, but really? Using an unstable magical instrument to get a record label? The problem is whoever this person is wont only get a record label, but get possessed by the instrument’s power.

 

“I have no idea about that,” Jason stated loosely.

 

“Well, the rumor goes that important people are here, and for us, that means record labels. Of course, not everyone knew, that’s why there’re more random little bands tonight that eats up the rumor.”

 

“Including you?”

 

“Including my band.”

 

“Well, good luck for your band.”

 

“Thanks, and you too.” Noah smiled then, “Now that you’ve squeezed the information out of me, tell me about yourself kid.”

 

Jason hums, thinking of his cover story, “Nothing much to tell, I’m in college, taking an art major, been liking heavy metals since I was ten, thanks to my dad,” and retro swing thanks to his mom. “On guitar for two years, been screaming since forever,” and Jason got a lot of practice in screaming his heart out.

 

“College student huh?” he mused.

 

“What?” Jason teased.

 

“I thought you’re younger.”

 

Jason genuinely surprised, “Even with this face?”

 

Noah nods, “That body and the makeup doesn’t hide it, I do worry about those scars.”

 

Isn’t he sweet? Worrying and all, Jason didn’t plan it, but he might keep this one, “Don’t tell me you’re turned off by me.”

 

“Not at all, unless you’re a minor,” the older man smirked, those eyes no longer friendly, but emitting lust.

 

“I’m flattered, you’re my type too,” not fully a lie, the man does look good in Jason’s book.

 

Noah steps in, face waaaay close in his breathing zone, his breath identical to Jason’s, of smoke. Now that he’s closer, Jason could see every line, dirty blond hair peppered with white hairs, blackened lips, not lipstick. He smelled of aftershave and leather, smile as charming as his age, Jason accepted his types now.

 

Jason takes a long drag and huffed the smoke away, not tearing his gaze at the jade eyes staring back at him as his hand traveled up to the man’s shoulder.

 

“Won’t you give me your number?” Noah flirts his words on top of Jason’s lips, and for a moment it does sounds tempting.

 

“How about you gave yours instead, then we’ll see.”

 

Jason didn’t have high hopes, nor if he’s seriously wanted the guy, but just in case… A pair of hands grabbed his hips, then one of them traveled up to their face. Noah had a card in between his fingers, and Jason took it.

 

“Let me give you something as thanks,” Jason leaned forward, and Noah meets his lips halfway.

 

His lips tasted bitter, but a nicotine kiss always feels good for Jason. Hands on his hips pushing him against an RV, while his own take it upon themselves to roam the body pressing against him. Noah got a dad bod, it felt so nice to the touch, and Jason pulls his body closer. Thumbs rubbing on Jason’s sides felt so gentle, who knew Jason can meet someone that touches so sweet when he’s undercover at a death metal concert?

 

Someone cleared his throat, “Excuse me?”

 

They broke away, eyes on the side where the voice came from, “Jeremy from The Outlaws? There are a few things you need to confirm about your band, please come with me.”

 

Jason takes a few blinks before he sees the face of this familiar voice, and his stomach drops.

 

_Bruce?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with the outfit... dunno if you guys can imagine it tho :"D
> 
> OH, and I referenced Noah from Dante and a dash of Hank from detroit become human


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having fun in this chapter too~~
> 
> 7.6k words, a lenghty one in my standards... and there might be wrong canon stuff, but im a casual fan just letting yall kno
> 
> enjoy?

 

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jason hissed as he followed Bruce deep inside the maze of the parking lot. Bruce had a crew tag, looking too mundane with only a pair of washed jeans and black graphic shirt. Had a prosthetic jaw and nose, regular people won’t know it’s Bruce Wayne, but Jason knew that voice and those eyes anywhere.

 

And as much as he loved seeing Bruce is here, it’s really not the best time to mush faces with him now.

 

“I could say the same with you.”

 

“I’m on a mission, clearly I don’t spend my weekends screaming to death metal,” actually, sometimes he does.

 

“So are we,” Bruce stated.

 

“We?”  


“I’ll explain, let’s get to my RV first.”

 

“Nope, not without my teammates.”

 

“Fine, get them here.”

 

And in 5 minutes, Kori, Artemis, Bizzaro, and Jason got into Bruce’s (of course) luxurious RV, and inside was Clark, Barbara and surprisingly Selina. Compared to Jason’s team, Bruce’s was very mundane that they didn’t even look passable as casual fans and that kinda stands out. Only ripped jeans paired with graphic t-shirts, except Selina, that went all out gothic with her gown, pale face and dark makeup.

 

“Jason… what are you wearing, wait, what are you all wearing!” Barbara points at the 3 of them, except at Bizarro.

 

“I could say the same at you,” Jason quirk up an eyebrow, “You think you could blend in with those civvies, except you Selina.”

 

“Thank you dear, I like your outfit too,” she gave him a long stare up and down, seeming to like what she sees, and Jason smiled back but twitch an eye. Jealousy is an ugly look on him, there’s no way he’s wearing that in front of his crush of a sex friend’s ex now.

 

“If we’re finished with the small talks, can we go back to why you’re here?” Bruce cuts in.

 

“There’s a weapon here, Harp of Orpheus, it was kept in Bana Mighdall owned by one of our elders, she was strong enough to not let the sentient weapon to take her over, but she was killed. And the harp is looking for another owner, I sense it here, but it’s faint.” Artemis informed.

 

“This worsens the situation,” Clark huffed to his team.

 

Jason narrowed his eyes “Why?”

 

“We heard there’s a transfer of weapons here, people came in RV’s, so it’s easy to mask whatever it is,” Babs informed.

 

“It could be the same things as we’re after, and I don’t know if it’s true but a few record label company is here tonight,” Jason adds.

 

“The harp charms people, the person that wields it controls the listener,” Artemis informed.

 

“We’re going to need this then,” Bruce handed them an earpiece, wherever he pulled that from, always ready as usual, “If activated, it’ll block all noise but our voice.”

 

He gave the earpiece around, and Jason took it from Bruce’s hand. Maybe it’s the bright lights that made Jason could see Bruce’s face clearly now, he wonders how long has Bruce has his eyes licking him all over like that, maybe since the first time Bruce drag him out of Noah’s hands? Jason has seen that expression every time they’re alone in bed, he knows what that means. What do you know, Bruce is tempted when he’s at work, Jason ought to thank Kori’s clothing choice for this.

 

Jason has his eyes up at Bruce’s, trying to push back a smirk threatening to form. Suddenly he could feel every strand of the fabric hugging his body tight.

 

“Kori,” Jason called, and the woman looks up from retouching up her girlfriend’s lipstick, “The girl you were talking to before, long wavy hair, blue lips.”

 

“Oh! That’s Marina, what about her?”

 

“She beats up some guy last year, her parents bailed her out every time, her band is violent, so keep an eye on her and dig a bit more.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Artemis, there’s this guy, long hair, red highlights watching you drink, he’s part of a real cult.”

 

“I’ll be on it.”

 

“That’s all I got, you guys have something else to share?” Jason crossed his arms, looking at Bruce’s crew.

 

“Clark and I are on crews, Barbara and Selina will be in the crowds if you need us, all we know is that Lex Corp is the one transporting the weapon,” Bruce informed.

 

“Okay, if that’s all, we’ll go back to our posting,” they nod to each other, and Jason left the RV with his crew.

 

Artemis and Kori get back to their ‘friends’ but Bizarro didn’t hurry as much, so Jason stayed back with the big guy, right in between the cars, not too close to the crowd yet.

 

“Hey biz you okay?” Jason stopped, holding the guy’s arms, Bizarro has his eyes down on the ground, frowning like a sad child.

 

“See Superman, feel shame,” his shoulder slumped down and made himself looks small as if it’s even possible.

 

“Hey, buddy, don’t do that, we’re not having this conversation again, okay? you’re perfect.”

 

“But me am a fail copy, Superman am perfect, not Bizarro.”

 

“No no I’m not having that, look at me,” Jason cupped his friend’s face, lift it up to meet his eyes, “You can’t compare yourself to him, you’re not him.”

 

“But am from Superman’s body.”

 

“Doesn’t matter, Superman is a tightass country boy, but you? You’re cool, you’re my best friend, I’ll choose you over superman anytime, you’re not him, different, incomparable, got it?” Jason put firmly, grabbing tight his friend’s shoulder, though he knew Biz won’t feel it at all.

 

“Thank you red him,” there’s that smile, and Bizzaro wrapped his arms around Jason’s, crushing him and lift him off the ground, he saw that coming too.

 

“Hmmph, okay buddy your welcome… you’re suffocating me.” Biz let go, and Jason landed on his feet this time. “Okay, go back to your friends,” Jason nods to the crowd, and Biz toddles as he waved, all in every day’s work for Jason.

 

There’s still a few hours after they’ll go on stage, he could go back to Noah, or talk to other people. Though getting back to Noah is tempting, going back to Bruce is even more, but they’re on a mission. Jason could just turn back, see Bruce for a while, just saying hi.

 

What is this, a telenovela? Jason sighed, and unclench his fist he didn’t realize was holding.

 

“Just a little more while won’t hurt, I want to see him,” little Jason popped out from wherever he was hiding.

 

Bruce won’t like that, he’s not really Bruce now, he’s Batman.

 

“Jason.”

 

He felt his heart just felt and goosebumps rising on his arms at the coincidence. Jason looks back to see Bruce walking over to him.

 

“Forgot something?” again, Jason tries to play it cool.

 

Try he did, and he failed completely right after Bruce pulls him to the side, at the back of someone’s car, pushing him against it and held his lips captive. Waves of giddiness ran through his spine, his heart battles between relieve and want, not knowing whether to pound or relax. Bruce smells of the same aftershave, the shampoo he left on Jason’s bathroom, and the scent of smog from Gotham city that has become his own.

 

Calloused hands that he misses roam up and down of his back, then up to his chest as his fingers follow the lines of his scars and slipped beneath the fabric. Jason takes it upon himself to feel him up too, hand on the curve of his neck, the other is grabbing his belt, pulling him closer. Tonight was cold, but the lips on his skin are leaving warm trails. There’re stars behind his closed eyes, and he felt safe when the familiar hand held him once more.

 

Jason bites back a pleasured groan threatening at the back of his throat, but Bruce’s wet kiss trailing down his adam’s apple is making it difficult. He attacks back with his hand crawling up on Bruce’s chest, grabbing them tightly as he chases Bruce’s lips to return to his own. Kissing him hard and panting, he slings one of his legs to hook Bruce’s hips closer and grind their crotches together. Jason feels a warm shuddered breath when he moves his hips, and the heat went straight to his dick.

 

Hands clawed on his ass, cheekily slipping under the rips of jeans right under his ass, and Jason has his hands on Bruce’s shoulder blade. Gripping on hungrily like he had starved. Shivers running down his spine when he hears Bruce growls while biting to Jason’s lip.

 

But they had to stop somewhere. There’s still a mission, and they are not rubbing one out on the open. Jason was the one slowing down, then Bruce follows suit.

 

“Hi Bruce,” Jason greets between kisses, and Bruce only hums in reply.

 

He’s licking Jason’s lips, digging into his mouth and roams inside like it’s his own in a languid pace.

 

“You tasted bitter,” Bruce grumbled.

 

Jason chuckled, “Yeah I smoked earlier.”

 

“Why are you wearing this?” Bruce questioned, head knocks back as he stares into the hole on the shirt showing his chest.

 

Oh, so he’s just turned on? What a flatterer, Jason rolled his eyes, “To blend in Bruce, like what you see?” Jason teased, “Cuz I can put on something similar when we’re alone.”

 

To that, Bruce pulls away, and Jason felt his stomach drops.

 

“We’re on a mission,” he stated, sounded more like he’s telling himself that.

 

Jason raised an eyebrow, “You’re the one that pushed me first,” he scoffed, “You’re afraid your super friend will listen?”

 

“He already knows.”

 

Jason gapes, blinking owlishly, “Okay, uh so?”

 

“So?”

 

“I mean, how?” Jason was unsure he wanted to know the answer to that.

 

“He’s looking for my heartbeat, and I was with you when he hears it, at night.”

 

Yeah, instant regret. Superman hears him moan and scream and asking daddy for more. Not embarrassing at all.

 

“Does he have an opinion, about us?” Jason asked.

 

“Nothing that I would care about.”

 

Jason’s cool with that, he can live with not knowing as long as it won't pull Bruce away from him. Now, for another topic he’s more curious about, that has been bugging him the moment he entered Bruce’s RV.

 

“So, you and Selina working together again, you guys made up?” He prayed to the deities that his voice is level and stable.

 

“We’re not fighting if that’s what you’re asking.”

 

That’s not what Jason actually asking. “Just wanted to know if you hold grudges against her,”

 

“I never did.”

 

“Are you getting back together with her?” little Jason pops out, scaring the shit out of him because he thinks Jason is the one that said that. If he asked the question, Jason doesn’t think he’s ready for the answer. He needs to calm himself, think, if Bruce just pulled him for that heavy makeout then it means they’re not getting back together. Not yet anyway.

 

“Cool. Well, I’m going back,” Jason said instead.

 

“To that Noah?”

 

Is that jealously Jason is hearing or he’s hallucinating? Oh, he hoped it’s not the latter, Jason held Bruce’s face, gave it another short kiss, “So what if I did?” Jason had a mischievous glint in his eyes.

 

Bruce just looks away, frowning. So it _is_ jealousy… Jason bites back his smile, who would’ve known that Steph was right all along, they’re moving forward slowly.

 

But what they are doesn’t include monogamous deal, this is supposed to be strictly physical, Jason needs to let Bruce know that, and if he wanted more, Bruce needs to do his part too.

 

“Tell you what, I’ll keep my bed exclusive to you,” Jason cups Bruce’s crotch tightly, making the man groan, a sweet sweet sound in his ears, “If you keep this exclusive to me.”

 

Bruce stares hard, whether he was at loss or deep in thought, and Jason’s confidence depleted by the man’s pause, “Or we can just do what we usually do, just give it a thought,” Jason leans in to kiss another time, a bit longer this time before pulling away.

 

“You got lipstick on your lips,” Jason walks away, leaving Bruce there in the dark with traces of his black lipstick all over his face.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

Jason hung out with Noah’s band, consist of 5 people around the same age. Turns out they’re high school bandmates before, and now giving it another try years after. The mid-life crisis band as they call themselves, but their drummer Gretta didn’t even look over 20 despite her age is already twice as that. Jason didn’t stay long, he goes around to introduce himself, and got a few numbers from girls, dudes, others, and neither.

 

“Guys, I have a suspicion,” Kori tuned into their communicator.

 

Jason looks back to Kori, waving her hands at him and playfully telling Jason to come over.

 

“Sorry guys, it seems I’m needed elsewhere,” Jason raised his beer at his new friends.

 

“Don’t go too long now sweetcheeks,” Gretta cheered and waved at Jason.

 

Kori pulls out a liquid lipstick from… somewhere under her boobs, and raised Jason’s chin, touching up Jason’s black lipstick. She meddles with her ear piece, turning it on so everyone can hear.

 

“So I talked to Marina again, and I think it’s her.”

 

“Why?” it was Bruce's voice, right now everyone that had Batman’s earpiece could hear them.

 

“We were talking about men, and how much they disappoint us,” Kori stated, Jason rolled his eyes, “Then she said something disturbing.”

 

Kori patted Jason’s lips, recreating the ombre look, “Quote on quote, she said, the revolution of women will come tonight, and you’ll be my queen my lovely Elizabeth.”

 

“Still think Elizabeth didn’t suit you,” Jason narrowed his eyes at his friend, questioning his friend’s cover name, and Kori just shrugged.

 

“Could be nothing,” Barbara chimed in.

 

“Could be something, the weapon chooses its wielder, the Harp of Orpheus was first wielded by a woman enraged by the humans that takes less of her meekness. It was guarded and owned by one of our humblest old warriors to keep it safe,” Artemis informed, she was sitting with a few people getting high.

 

“What happened to her?” Clark questioned

 

“She died, and now the weapon seeks its true owner,” Artemis looks at Marina, “I’d say she’s the perfect wielder, filled with rage, cocky, but if she’s weak, the instrument will take over her.”

 

“When you say Marina, did you mean Marina Diamandis?” Selina chimed into the network.

 

“She didn’t give me her last name,” Kori replied.

 

“Then it would have been a coincidence that her dad is here with one of Lex’s men.”

 

“Karls Diamandis, consumer and investor to Lex Corp, a bit weird to have a meeting in your daughter’s concert,” Barbara informed.

 

“We’ll keep an eye on her, but don’t let your guard down with the others,” Bruce ordered the obvious, and the line ended. Kory turn the earpiece off, so no one can hear what she’s saying, though still can hear.

 

Kori is smiling mischievously at Jason as she keeps patting Jason’s lips with lipstick, then slips it back to her cleavage, then shockingly grabs a mono shadow from her other boob, women will remain a mystic being for Jason.

 

Kori patted her fingers on the red shadow and Jason instinctively closed his eyes. Kori just had the widest grin right before he closed his eyes, “what you’re grinning at?”

 

“Oh please Jason, like you thought I didn’t see what you did earlier,” Kori teased, giggling like a little girl, she kinda is.

 

“Enlighten me, princess,” Jason teased back.

 

“That blond cutie?? And then your knight came to claim you, there has not been any brighter green light.”

 

“Then you haven’t seen Hal Jordan yet,” Jason joked, and Kori poked her fingers on his eyesockets, Jason playfully whined yet laughed still, “There’s no knight claiming me, more like a vigilante dragging me on the deep dark corner to—”

 

“Kiss you!”

 

“No.” Jason sternly remarked.

 

Kori giggled secretively, looking side to side, “Just know that you have my full support, I thought it was going to be someone worse.”

 

Great, Kori knew. Though Jason owes it to his friends, still weird that some people knew beside them, “There’s no one worse than _him_.”

 

“I beg to differ! He looks really... hmm, territorial of you, and you are, as people say it today, _whipped_.”

 

“Ew Kori! Where did you learn that?”

 

“First band!” a voice called, Jason didn’t even have to turn away to know who’s calling. He hated that he had heard Bruce screaming enough to know it’s him. Hate, and confusingly proud.

 

A pat on his back does make him turn.

 

“Hey, we’re first,” Noah stares at him with his sweet smile.

 

“Good luck,” Jason said a bit flirtatiously, and lean down to kiss the corner of his lips. And right over Noah’s shoulder, Bruce was watching from afar, seeing the rest of the band upstairs. Watching, more like glaring holes, and Jason finds it all so amusing. This pose though… Jason begun to wonder if he’s in a telenovela.

 

“Thanks for that,” Noah nods, and went up to the stage, not looking at how Bruce gave him an inspecting eye.

 

“Do my eyes deceive me, or does your ‘mystery man’ looks jealous,” Artemis walks in out of nowhere.

 

“Bizzaro also see, it real,” Bizarro joins in.

 

 “And his ex is here, and no sign of him dragging her to the back of one of the cars to make out,” Jason whipped his head at Artemis giving him a shit eating grin. Great, now all of them knew without Jason doing the talk to them. Who knew their snooping habit makes somethings convenient.

 

“Greenlight brighter than the green lantern!” Kori playfully stated.

 

Jason really wished they stop getting his hopes up, but Jason isn’t blind, he sees jealousy when he sees one. Maybe getting his hopes high isn’t so wrong when the high hopes are objective.

 

It’s time for the opening bands, after Noah’s band, it’s time for Jason’s band to go up. Makeup on point, gear on set, crew ready to go. They had rehearsed this song till it’s decently passable, and if they fuck up, whatever. He met Bruce that direct them to the stage and he gave him a look. Jason raised an eyebrow at Bruce’s face, if he thinks he can’t rip a guitar when he’s wrong.

 

The Mc introduced them to the crowd, the moment the lights hits them, a few whistles wolfed in the air. He didn’t know who that was directed at, but he definitely knows at least one of them is directed at his chest, and most of them at Kori’s panties and spilling boobs.

 

Kori started playing her guitar, and Jason growled, “I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can’t be with you like this anymore, Alejandro.” (Song: Helia – Alejandro cover)

 

Jason gets to scream his heart out covering one of the team’s favorite Lady Gaga songs. The crowds headbanging to beat of the drums, jumping when Kori sang the chorus. People are screaming, don’t know if it’s because of Kori’s flashing panties, or her beautiful voice, or maybe screaming along with Jason.

 

They’re done, and the crowd cheers. That was one adrenaline rush, Jason gets why people went to concerts now.

 

“Great job guys,” Jason smiled at his ~~bandmates~~ team.

 

“Bizzaro loves hitting drums!”

 

“Yes, it is most exciting!” Kori agreed.

 

“I’m sure we could do it some more, but now we got a task at hand,” they look back, seeing Marina giving her flirty looks at Kori.

 

“Poor witch, if only she knew you’re taken,” Artemis simply stated.

 

“Oh, she knew,” Kori replied.

 

“Only gonna make what I’m gonna do to her even more painful.”

 

“Guys, she’s on,” Barbara notified.

 

“I’m tailing Karls, he had a briefcase from Lex, he’s on VIP,” Selina informed, “He’s opening the case…” she paused, and then, “It’s just a curved wooden stick.”

 

Artemis has widened eyes in almost an instant, jolts when the mic on the stage making sounds, “Everyone activates your devices!”

 

The last thing they hear from the mic was, “We’re Marina and the Diamonds and we—”, then it was silence.

 

“What is it Artemis?” Jason asked.

 

“The Harp doesn’t choose her, she’s wielding its powers by using the strings, and the arch would be called the moment she plays. She manipulates it the same way the previous owner manipulates it to become hers.”

 

The ground rumbles by the loud bass, people around them suddenly went still and stiff, eyes looking forward and hollow.

 

“Artemis is right, Marina is playing her guitar,” Barbara informed.

 

“And then the wooden stick is gone,” Selina adds.

 

“Everyone gear up!” Bruce commands as Batman just passes through them.

 

They couldn’t listen to what Marina was saying. Her eyes glowing green, as her guitar had the same blinding glow, there’s wild high voltage electricity running through the strings. Jason is in his Red Hood gear, wielding his all blades. Batman threw a smoke bomb to sneak on her, but the people held him down under Marina’s influence.

 

Marina looks like singing, then the smoke instantly disperses.

 

“How does she do that? Isn’t this harp only controls people?” Selina grunts.

 

“I have no idea, that wasn’t supposed to happen… to me, mistress!” Artemis called, and Marina just smiled wickedly and jumps into the crowd.

 

She raised her hand, mouthing the same thing ‘to me, my mistress’, making the ground vibrates, lightning made their vision white for a second and a harp instantly in Marina’s hand, but it morphed into… a guitar pick? If that didn’t make things more bizarre, she started shredding her guitar, then the crowd forms a circle around the two of them, making a freaking mosh pit.

 

Starfire flew in from above, blasting her with starbolts, but the energy froze in mid-air and blasted back to her. Watching that, Artemis charged ahead, but Marina sent people flying at her, making them human bullets.

 

Bizzaro flew in and pin her down, tried to, she held Biz’s hand and slam him to the ground. She’s more powerful than they thought, there’s no way she’s just a mere human.

 

“Where the hell is Superman??” Barbara said in between grunts, a few screaming dudes as her background voice was shut up with the sound of her fists meeting their face.

 

“There’s an attack on Metropolis, so I send him away.”

 

“What!” Jason hissed, trying to stay quiet as he sneaks behind Marina.

 

“We got all the back up we need, we got you the outlaws,” Batman platonically stated, and had it not been the situation they’re in, Jason would’ve felt flattered.

 

“Touching~~ Now can we go back to stopping this woman?” Selina said amusedly.

 

“That was if she was human at the first place,” Jason said, summoning all-blade in his hands and slashed his all-blade across Marina’s back, the all-blade wouldn’t hurt a regular human being without the ability of magic, the scar that Jason just made confirms his theory.

 

“She’s not human!” Jason screamed the obvious, dodging the people Marina threw at him. She screamed, clearly Jason just poke her the wrong way.

 

She grabbed him by the neck and throw Jason across the field like a piece of pebble, about to land in the middle of people ready to beat him up, but Starfire caught him in mid-air.

 

“Not human? Me can hit hard?”

 

“Yeah, Biz, wreck her.”

 

“Not if I get to her first,” Artemis growled, shoving all the people blocking her and charged.

 

Turns out people’s mind is not the only thing Marina could control, it’s people, everything they are. A crowd of 10k people now floating above the ground and gaining distance from the ground in every second, leaving only them with the earpiece on the ground.

 

“She’s going to slam these people down to the ground!” Jason gasped, staring up to the woman’s chaotic lightning eyes as she shreds her guitar.

 

“No, if she wanted world domination, she would’ve needed these people,” Batman runs in to hit her, but Marina deftly dodges and fight with kicks, able to match Batman’s fighting skills.

 

“These people wouldn’t have mattered to her as killing a few bugs, the Harphas taken over her.” Artemis runs in.

 

As Bizzaro was about to fly in, he was crowded by people, so does Starfire that was about to blast her. Selina and Barbara are somewhere in the crowd, while Batman and Artemis, though tag teaming, still couldn’t land a dent on Marina. She moved as fast as lightning, like a snap and she’s somewhere else.

 

That leaves Jason, and the weapon that could hurt her, it’s going to exhaust his soul, but he called the All-blade one more time, and slash both of her arms. If it was not for the earpiece, Jason would have heard her loud shriek. She lets go of her guitar, and Jason caught it, along with the guitar pick.

 

Lightning crawls up his skin the moment he touches it. At that moment, Jason felt as if he was that weapon, and the weapon is him, felt the surging power flowing in his bloodstreams. As if Jason has wielded it before, no need for instruction, Jason just knew. He shreds the guitar with melodies that came through his fingers.

 

Marina kneels as cracks formed on her skin, mouth gapes open as green light beams out of all of the cracks.

 

“NO! Red Hood, don’t kill her!” Batman yelled.

 

“She’s going to explode! There’s so saving her, Biz!” Artemis called.

 

“Bizzaro you stay put, Red Hood!” Bruce called again, and Jason didn’t respond, “Jason!”

 

The man wielding the guitar grunts with difficulty. Jason was blinded by the power that felt so good, like sweet adrenaline. The weapon was trying to control him, trying to make Jason submit to it. Probably in the same way it tried to control Marina and tried to slam these people down to the ground. What is it with power and just ultimate control? And world domination and all that? Jason had enough of people and things trying to control him. He’s the master of himself, and this pieces of strings and twig ain’t gonna make him do shit.

 

“Burn to ashes you piece of twig!” Jason screamed, shredding like his life depend on it.

 

The electricity crackle wildly in his hands, smoke coming from the pick, then lighting strike them down, and the weapon disappeared. His fingers trembled, taking in the air like he just held his breath for a few minutes. Smoke oozes out of his skin, and he smelled like barbeque.

 

People fall back down from air, thankfully the distance isn’t enough to kill them, but 10k people are gonna have a mass sore ankle.

 

“It’s raining men!” Starfire cheered, breaking the thick awkward silence.

 

“Hallelujah!” Artemis replied, hugging her girlfriend that flew to her arms.

 

Then a few chuckles filled the air, coming from Bizzaro. People still passed out, including Marina. Jason looks down to her body, the cracks there were on her skin had left a nasty mark, she would’ve died if Jason didn’t destroy the weapon in time, and Jason would’ve had the same fate if he lets the weapon takes control.

 

A hand landed on his shoulder, and he looks up to see Batman smiling at him. Batman, not Bruce, which is as rare as it gets, “Good job,” he said, and you know what? Jason takes it.

 

“What are we going to do about her?” Selina walks in, staring down at the girl.

 

“She’s no longer dangerous, nor will she remember ever wielding the weapon,” said Artemis.

 

“Then our job is done here,” Batman stated.

 

They left right before anyone is conscious, and call the cops and ambulance to aid them, seeing them over the hills to see things through.

 

“Since we’re done for the day,” Jason breaks the silence, “How about drinks?”

 

“Not that I’m against alcohol, but I’m in the mood for wine in bed now,” Selina huffed, which is too bad, Jason would’ve wanted to ask for advice…

 

“What do you say, love?” Artemis asked the woman she held on her hips.

 

“I say that’s a great idea,” Kori agreed.

 

“I’ll come too!” Barbara cheered, “Been a long time since we hang out,” she said to Jason.

 

“Too long Babs,” Jason agreed.

 

“Have fun, you guys deserve it, I have to return to Gotham,” Batman said fondly, a bit rare tone for the vigilante, but of course Batman doesn’t have time for drinks. For them, this is a celebratory big bust that almost cost them their lives and thousands of innocents, but for Batman, it’s a Tuesday.

 

“You won’t mind giving me a ride, will you?” Selina purrs, hand on Batman’s shoulder as her chin rest there, batting her pretty eyes.

 

“Fine,” he grunts, walking away from the rest of them while Selina follows.

 

“Goodbye kittens!” Selina looks back and said, doesn’t give Jason any degrading stare as he anticipated. Jason’s just being salty, he had to admit that.

 

“Don’t you kitten me!” Little Jason pops out, where does this guy come from? Jason starting to understand that little Jason never really appear when Jason is intensely occupied, like the fight earlier, and he only shows if there’s Bruce around. How is it that this little shit manages to be convenient and inconvenient at the same time.

 

Then the crowd is quiet, too quiet as they stare Selina’s back, and then go back to Jason, while Barbara has no idea why they got quiet and stare at Jason to see what’s going on.

 

While Jason, narrowed his eyes at his gang, “What?” he hissed.

 

“Biz can’t go, Biz has date with pretty beard lady,” he said with surprisingly a blush on his face.

 

“Whoa Biz! A dating stage! That’s awesome,” and Jason kinda jealous, but happy all the same for his friend.

 

“Go get her tiger!” Kori cheered.

 

“Thank you! Bye bye!” then Bizarro blasted to the sky and disappeared in a blink of an eye.

 

“Welp, since Selina just took my ride,” Barbara looks at Jason expectedly.

 

Jason laughed at her, there’s no way he could say no to her. “Sure Babs, we got an RV, hop in.”

 

 

\-----

 

 

“You know, this isn’t what I thought when you said drinks,” Barbara takes a sip of whiskey, sitting back at the deck chair.

 

“Bars a bit too crowded when we just got back from that mosh pit, don’t you think?” Jason put on more hays into the bonfire.

 

They parked at this empty space on the side of the road, Gotham is far away but visible. Kori and Artemis have long gone retreated inside the RV doing things Jason rather not think about. It’s just the two of them out here of what it seems like in the middle of nowhere, and it’s one of those rare times when they can see the stars. The night is not too cold, thanks for the fire and fluffy sweaters, he lends Barbara one as well.

 

“They’re nice, Kori and Artemis, I kinda envy you for having such good teammates,” Barbara poured more whiskey, pouring a hefty amount on Jason’s glass as well as he sits down.

 

“Huh, you’re not invited unless you’re kicked out of your current one,” Jason joked, but Barbara doesn’t seem to take it well.

 

“Jason…”

 

“Spare me Babs,” Jason shrugged, “I’m not thinking about it too much, besides, got my own family now,” Jason smiled to himself, he really is happy. He’s no longer part of a bat, and that’s okay. He was a bat, was a robin, he’s not gonna deny that. It’ll no longer hold a painful memory, but a good one.

 

Jason had a good run, now he’s on a new track.

 

“Never thought I’d ever see you smile Jay,” Barbara has a pretty one on her face as well, “Just good to see you at all.”

 

“To you as well,” Jason raised his glass. They toast and sips their drink.

 

“So…” Barbara gave him a knowing look, which always means anything else but good, “What’s up with you and Bruce?”

 

“What’s up with me and Bruce if it’s not for the usual?”

 

“We’re busted now Jay, just tell her and get this over with, maybe then they would talk some sense into him,” little Jason sits beside the fire, staring at intently with his face resting on his palm.

 

“You think you can hide things from me, you’re underestimating me,” Barbara smirked like she was challenged, and her statement is wrong, right now Jason is on high alert.

 

“Give me your best guesses then detective,” Jason challenged back.

 

“You still have a soft spot for him,” and a hard spot too, “Bet you forgive him right away after your fight a few weeks ago,” Barbara pointed the obvious.

 

“Not right away, but I did, of course I did, he’s… Bruce.” This isn’t going to be an easy talk. Jason takes another gulp.

 

“I know, he’s your dad, in a way, kinda my dad too.”

 

Jason smiled it off, “Yeah… he is.”

 

“But you didn’t see him that way anymore.”

 

He calmed his heart, she probably doesn’t mean it that way, “Nope, not friends either, but it’s not that I hate him, he’ll always be important in—”

 

“You’re dating him.”

 

Jason whipped his face at Barbara’s smiling ones, should’ve known she would figure it out. Damn Bats and their senses… he wonders if Bruce knew too.

 

“Told you,” little Jason sung.

 

“I’m not dating him, we just had sex sometimes,” Jason said calmly, as calm as his shocked self could get.

 

“Am I the only one who knows?” Barbara asked.

 

“No, Tim and Steph knew by accidents,” and that accident is his loose lips driven by desperation and confusion.

 

“Why are you keeping it a secret?”

 

“It’s not like we’re keeping it a secret, we’re just sex friends, why would we tell you that? Yall weird,” Jason playfully mocked.

 

“Guess you have a point,” Barbara sighed, finishing her drink, and pouring another, “I just never would’ve thought... thought you hated each other’s guts.”

 

“Thought you said I couldn’t hide anything from you.”

 

Barbara rolled her eyes, “Whatever, I’m just glad you’re not enemies.”

 

“Why would it even matter?”

 

“I… I think, it scared me a little, us,” she meekly said, eyes on the brown liquid dancing in her glass.

 

“Us?”

 

“Me, Dick, Tim, Stephanie, us, even Damian, you know, he said to us he loved you, you’ll always be his son, loved us all the same, but then he casts you away, made us question if he would do the same to us, because we love him too… you know?” and if only she knew better, Jason loved him too, guess he overestimated her.

 

“You know what made me and the rest of you different?” Jason started, and Barbara shook her head, “I’m a failure in his eyes, a mistake he felt he needs to correct, that’s why he always has the need to punch me in the face, while you guys? You’re perfect in his eyes, he won’t blame himself if you made a mistake, and then there’s the different moral conduct… which I don’t have to explain.”

 

“Is that why you left? You walking away from us because—”

 

“Whoa reality check, he’s the one being dramatic this time and rip it out of my chest, I just didn’t take it when he offers it back,” nope Jason will never let that scene go, though he didn’t think of it with such malice, it was so dramatic it amuses him.

 

“Okay okay geez, then why didn’t you come back?”

 

“The whole thing is kinda tiring,” and Jason doesn’t want Bruce as his family anymore, “Coming in and out, so if I just stay out, then I think we could stop fighting about it and just…” move to the other direction other than trying to stay a family.

 

“As much as I love to fight his stubborn ass, even I get sick of it sometimes,” Jason joked.

 

“You love him.”

 

Jason really wanted to crush the glass on his hand, what is it with Bats and seeing through him? Every time he meets one, they know right away, then maybe he shouldn’t hang out with them that often. If they could see through him, then maybe Bruce did too? That he knew, and did nothing about it this whole time, or not yet.

 

Barbara didn’t say anything about Jason’s silence, so Jason didn’t say anything either. That made three of them that noticed, Jason really needs to crank up his poker face game.

 

“You’re really not gonna say anything about it?” Jason said after a long comfortable silence and decide his curiosity is too much to bear instead.

 

“What is there to say about it?” Barbara shrugged, “It’s a surprise but… I think I get it?”

 

Jason eyed the girl, raising a questioning eyebrow, “You get it? You’ve wanted to get into Bruce’s pants before?”

 

“Oh god no, scratch that, I don’t get it,” Barbara shook her head again, Jason starting to think she might be drunk, “But that doesn’t mean I have to oppose, it would be a hassle if you guys decide to marry but—”

 

“Hold your horses, Babs, we’re not even dating!” Jason’s heart just jumped out of his ribcage at the ‘M’ word, and how he hated how it made him flush…

 

“I know I know, but just what ifs, can I like, be one of your bridesmaid?” Barbara is definitely drunk, and her lids blink heavily.

 

“Okay, you’re drunk and dozing off, hold on,” Jason got into his RV, and it was strangely quiet.

 

Jason grabbed a blanket and found Artemis sleeping on top of Kori on the couch. Who knew a homicidal alien princess and a warrior can make such a cute scene together, a mess, but cute nonetheless. He looked for a makeup remover on Kori’s drawer, and carefully wipe their eyeshadows and smudged lipstick before covering the two with a blanket.

 

When Jason walk back out with another blanket, Barbara already slept, her glass lands top side down to the grassy ground, and the whole bottle on her arms, completely empty.

 

“Hope that glass is empty before you toss it like that,” Jason covered her.

 

Barbara’s eyes popped open, “It is.”

 

“Shit! You scared me!” Jason held his chest, while Barbara just giggled and snuggled in the knitted blanket Biz made a few days ago.

 

Jason takes the whiskey bottle from Barbara’s arms, “You downed the whole thing?”

 

“Not much left so I thought I finished it~” Barbara slurred in her words.

 

“There’s no way you’re not drunk.”

 

“I’m not that lightweight Jay.”

 

“Well you sound drunk, don’t know _that_ about you,” has Babs always sound this drunk? She used to act like a mom, now she’s like a mom going on a mid-life crisis.

 

“Oh no, I do feel kinda drunk.”

 

Jason scoffed, smiling at her, “Wanna go inside and sleep? Or do you want me to take you home?”

 

Barbara looks up from her blanket, smiling sweetly, “No, I could ask Dick to pick me up tomorrow, and I wanna stay out here for a while, stars are so pretty… though that was sweet of you.”

 

“You mean basic human decency? Now I’m concerned at how Dick treats you.”

 

Barbara knock her head back and a voice blaring in laughter, “Dick treats me well! You’re so cute when you worry! Maybe because whenever I saw you, you’re always fighting, but now I get to know you,” her cheeks mushed when she leaned her face on her palm.

 

“There’s really not much to know.”

 

“Oh I beg to differ,” Little Jason, still beside the bonfire, giving Jason a stink eye while smirking like a know it all, Jason rolled his eyes.

 

“I don’t know you’re so sweet,” Barbara adds.

 

“Well if you guys stop putting a stigma on me, stop siding with Batman all the time, and not blame everything on me then you would’ve known that ages ago,” little Jason shouts frustratedly, frowning down at the fire, then sigh, “Was it because I’m always angry at them too?”

 

 _Ya think??_ Jason sighed his frustration away.

 

“Oh, Jason… my sweet red bean what are you going to do??” Barbara mumbled into the blanket, she’s definitely drunk, why is she acting tough earlier for?

 

“Are you calling me… a red bean?”

 

“A sweet red beannnn~~~” she reached to Jason’s face, and he lets her grabbed his cheeks and instantly regrets it when she pinched and yank, hard, “Oh what are you gonna do?? You’re so sweet, but Bruce is so… Bruce!”

 

“Ow! Babs, let go of me!” Jason slaps her hand away, “I’m not gonna do anything!”

 

“But it’s been so long since Bruce looks so smitten! I wanted to see you happy Jay… we are all so sorry…. And we….” She sighed, then mumbled off until she closed her eyes and finally slept.

 

He didn’t know that Bruce’s face had the capability to look ‘smitten’ if just smiling at him is called smitten then, he has always been like that with Jason for the past months. At least knowing he’s happy with him too does make him fell… relieved? He’s just as clueless.

 

It hasn’t felt that long, but it’s been almost a year since that first night he lures Bruce into his safe house. Jason sighed as he laid down, looking up to the stars and feel the warmth of the fire in front of him. It’s a nice night to be out, he wonders if Bruce would be down to have a date like this. Chilling in the middle of nowhere, and have sex under the stars…

 

“Yeah it would be nice,” little Jason agreed, “I would love that actually, I miss him.”

 

“I know,” Jason agreed, “I miss him too,” he admits.

 

“I miss his smile… his scent, and his skin against mine,” little Jason continues and Jason groaned, sometimes he does get like this, often times when he’s horny, which now he currently is a little bit.

 

“His face in the morning is the best, don’t you think?” little Jason looks up from the fire, giving Jason a childish smile that impossibly made his heart melts, “So vulnerable, and peaceful, but best of the best is when he said good morning to me, and there’s this satisfied smile on his face and it made me feel like I’ve done a good job,” little Jason giggled at the memory he shared with Jason, and he wholeheartedly agree, he loves when Bruce has his walls down.

 

“And he would kiss me,” even masked by the light, Jason knew his child self was blushing, biting a smile that’s already formed, “And he would snuggle beside me, while asked me what I want to eat. He acted so carelessly around me, every little thing that he does made me feel so… so… happy! Whenever he smiled, whenever he touches me, whenever he says my name. Oh God, the way he says my name… I just, I just felt like…” little Jason closed his eyes, hands clutching his chest, “like I’m about to burst!”

 

Little Jason smiled from ear to ear, and Jason had never seen his own face in that age looks so happy, “I wished times like that lasted forever, every time I closed my eyes… I remember him, his rare laugh…… haha, whenever he laughs there’s this twinkle in his eyes, man I live for that shit.”

 

“Poetic today aren’t you?” Jason chuckled, the reason why little Jason is like this is probably because he’s a bit tipsy.

 

“Because I love him so much, and you’re drunk,” little Jason had that goofy smile again, “And because I love him so much.”

 

“I know… I…” _I love him_ , so much that it hurts when the feeling is overwhelming. A jab on his heart when he had to swallow the words down, a prickling feeling on the corner of his eyes whenever he had to say goodbye, the tug on his chest whenever he leaves.

 

He cocked his head up to the sky, Bruce couldn’t see the stars if he’s in Gotham, would he feel out of place to see this, even when it’s so pretty.

 

“I love you Bruce,” he whispered to the stars, and realized what he just did, he chuckled… he’s so drunk.

 

He knows he’s under alcohol influence, but… “Dammit Bruce, why does it have to be you? Why do I have to love you? But you know what? I do anyway… I do…”

 

There’s a buzz on his pants and Jason jolts with his whole body, that stunned the shit out of him. He felt like his heart just dropped on the floor, if someone is contacting him at this hour, it was never good.

 

The screen of his Nokia glares at his eyes, it was from an unknown number, and also unknown to him.

 

 _Would you like to meet up this week? Location and when is up to you._ – B

 

And that made Jason’s heart jumps a second time because this is the first time Bruce ever texted him _first_ to meet. All this time they meet by seeking each other, now Bruce seeks him by asking him when to meet felt... normal? Like just two normal couple that wanted to meet each other, not vigilantes making signals to hook up.

 

Maybe this is the next step, this way they could meet more often, and Jason won’t have to hold back whenever he wants to meet him.

 

Is it bad if Jason starting to think that he does have a chance?

 

“Maybe you get to say it in front of him,” Jason said to the imaginary child that shoots up with the happiest smile on his face.

 

“Really?” little Jason cheered.

 

“We’ll see if we see an opening… then maybe we could—”

 

“Yes!! I can’t wait!” the child jumps giddily.

 

“Yeah…” Jason looks down to his phone, smiling to himself as he texts him the location and time, “Me too.”

 

 

+++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I'm on tumblr
> 
> the usual shit posting, and just posts of daddies and just random characters I like lol


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Nervous would be an understatement. Jason couldn’t even hold the handlebar of his door without shaking, and he had stitched himself with calm hands fresh out of an explosion while almost bleeding to death.

 

This is not the first time they met, they’re gonna do things they’ve done many times before and recently. So why the hell is he nervous?

 

Jason pulled up on his safe house and finds it already lit up. Bruce did say he’s already in.

 

He hears the shower running and the smell food right after he opened the door. The table is set with pizzas and wine, his fav combo number 5. Classic pizza too, just straight up cheese, sauce, and basils, and he poured himself a glass of wine. The running water stops and stepping out of the bathroom was Bruce in his naked glory.

 

“Waited long?” Jason asked, eyes not really on a level with Bruce’s, drinking up that view, following the water droplets that fall down from his pecs, down to his--

 

“When you’re done eye raping me, can you take your clothes off ?” Bruce leaned back to the door frame,

 

“Alright sir,” Jason takes off his jeans, downing the rest of the wine, and hopped into the shower with him.

 

The moment the last fabric on him dropped to the floor, Bruce reached to his face, kissing him down like he’s starving. Bruce’s skin felt cold and wet, yet everywhere he touches made Jason feels hot all over. Bruce already smelled like his soap, and Jason takes in a generous amount of his scent, and let it makes him giddy.

 

Tongue running from Jason’s jaw up to his ear following the water raining on him, teeth clamps down on his ear lobes as Bruce’s hand roams on his hips with his knee in between Jason’s thigh to boot. All of that making Jason weak on the knees. His hands holding onto Bruce’s shoulder, he loves doing that, holding onto him as he completely becoming undone.

 

Though losing control in Bruce’s hand is his favorite thing, it isn’t the only one. He grabbed Bruce by the jaw, making the man look him right in the eye so he could see the sky-blue eyes he missed.

 

“You know better than tease me Bruce,” and plunged to kiss him, Bruce tasted like minty toothpaste, doesn’t mix that well with the wine residue in his mouth but that didn’t stop him.

 

Nothing is going to stop him now, not from touching his skin, kissing his lips, and just wanting to see him. As Bruce kisses him, his hand roams over his back, down to his hips, touching the crevices he had known like the back of his hand. Jason missed touching him, missed this feeling, missed Bruce and wonder…

 

“You missed me?” Jason’s tone is playful, trying not to sound so serious but he does, maybe that’s why Bruce paused.

 

“I do, I missed this,” Bruce between his soft smile, “I missed you.”

 

And that is all it takes to send Jason over the moon, though he never really shows it, “Hmmm, then make me believe that you do.”

 

One thing he learned while being with Bruce in the length of time they spent together is that he likes being challenged. He likes being kissed at the nape of his neck, sometimes enjoys being the small spoon, and loves being kissed after Jason gave him blowjobs. Jason will use every single one of that today.

 

“I like seeing you smile at me,” Bruce admits, which is breaking news for Jason. Bruce never really… expresses himself like that.

 

“What else do you like about me then?” Jason cheekily asked, hoping it would mask the sweet jittery mess of his heartbeat.

 

“That you’re happy in my arms Jason,” Bruce said. Jason wanted to believe that, he knows that most likely it’s the truth. They hide nothing from each other here, and Bruce’s compassionate eyes as he said his name is all the proof Jason asked for.

 

His heart is leaping through the summer sky. Arms tightening to hold Bruce closer, bore his eyes even deeper.

 

“I am, Bruce.” Jason leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss on top of the wet and rough lips as the shower still rains down on them. Their skin cold and slick by water and residue of soap on Bruce’s body.

 

Bruce returned the kiss in the same chaste way. Kissing slowly as they held on each other gently. Both know this kiss is different than usual, touches gentler than before. Moving intimately that’s somehow still new for them. Under Bruce’s hands that rubbing his skin gently in a circle and pulling him closer ever so slightly. The caress that held him preciously, almost made him feel that he’s being so cared for.

 

A smiled formed between kisses, it was Bruce’s. It makes Jason wanted to break down there and then. How happy they are in this space just the two of them. Almost too happy, too good to be true. Jason got scared.

 

The tremble in his hands was not only because of the cold water, but it was enough for Bruce to detach his lips from his. Jason groaned as he follows his lips. Bruce chuckled at Jason, the carefree laugh doing messy things for Jason’s insides. Hoping the heat in his face didn’t show.

 

“Let’s go to bed.” Bruce put his hands on Jason’s hips, lifting him up. Jason gasped when his feet so easily lift up from the ground and crossed his legs on Bruce’s hips, hands linked around Bruce’s shoulder to hold on.

 

His heart is beating faster, he feels like fainting. Who knew he liked being carried so much? He gave Bruce a mischievous grin.

 

“Are you showing off?” Jason landed a peck on the older’s lips.

 

“Is that so bad?” Bruce plays along, for a moment, their interaction felt normal. Like a mundane couple. A couple.

 

Jason turned the shower off, and Bruce put his back on bed. Not another moment wasted from kissing each other. Grinding hips on each other as they hungrily take what they want from each other. That’s what tonight is for. That’s what all the other nights are for.

 

But today, it felt like there’s more.

 

 

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

 

It’s 3 am, he can’t sleep Jason woke up in the middle of the night with sleeping Bruce in his arms. He sighed contently and snuggled himself on top of Bruce’s head while grinning childishly. It’s been so long since he held him, won’t know when until he gets to do it again after this.

 

This moment is so precious to him, the night is calm, but his heart didn’t agree, he hoped Bruce wouldn’t wake up from hearing it. So, he cradles the back of Bruce’s head, fingertips rake in between the lush hair and his lips on top of his head.

 

He wished the morning never comes.

 

“Jason?” Bruce groaned under his touch.

 

His heart pangs, “Sorry, did I wake you up?”, he held him tighter.

 

“No, I need to wake up,” Bruce peeled away from Jason, and he cursed every muscle in his arms that turned into noodles and let him go.

 

“Where could you possibly go in this hour? Thought Orphan covered your patrol,” Jason held Bruce’s shoulder before he could stand up, holding tight on his arms, _stay…_ the word is on the tip of his tongue, but what came out instead was, “If someone isn’t dying then it’s not important.”

 

Bruce chuckled at that, and man was Jason proud of that, “No, I’m meeting Selina.”

 

And it felt as if the world shatters, his hand on Bruce’s skin felt cold and he retracts it before it trembles.

 

“Meeting your ex in the middle of the night? Sounds like a romantic night escapade.”

 

“It does, because it is,” Bruce casually agrees as he gets up to put on his civvies, while Jason froze in place.

 

“You’re getting back together with her?” Fuck, the words felt bitter in his mouth.

 

“Been trying to,” Bruce casually stated like it’s nothing.

 

But it’s not nothing to Jason. The simple sentence makes the blood drains from his system. Felt his stomach just dropped.

 

Sure, they never say they’re exclusive. Jason had offered but Bruce didn’t say anything about it after that. Is that why he was hesitating? Because he’s been trying to get back with Selina?

 

So, this is nothing more than. Jason had been hallucinating after all. Stupid.

 

So, it’s only Jason that has been imagining it moving a different direction. For Bruce, the dates, the jealousy? Was it in the package of their sex friend contract? His feelings had never been tangled in between, all this time.

 

Just Jason’s, and his way off head.

 

“Don’t know you could act so cute Bruce, chasing off the girl that got away,” Jason played it off, he didn’t know how he sounds so calm.

 

“You called it cute, I called it pathetic,” Bruce amusedly scoffed, after fully dressed he sat on the edge of the bed, besides Jason.

 

For a moment Jason could look at him in the eye, but he’s smiling so sweetly like he’s dreaming, Jason couldn’t miss it, and it bleeds him inside knowing it’s because of… her and not him.

 

 _Yeah, it’s pathetic, just choose me instead_ … Jason gritted his teeth under his smirking lips.

 

“But I love her, she’s good for me.”

 

And Jason wasn’t? No, Jason wasn’t… if only he knows what he lacks, if only he knew what she has that Jason doesn’t, why can’t Jason fill in that gap?

 

And Bruce loves her, he said it to Jason’s eyes like a taunt, but he knows it wasn’t… it’s a declaration, to himself, to the world, and Jason was forced to see in on the front seat.

 

“Now I see why you didn’t want to be exclusive with me,” Jason dared to say, wishing it’s not tearing this gentle interaction, “How long have you been trying?” _How long have you fooled me thinking that all those gestures were for me?_

 

Jason had known at the back of his mind that he’s a rebound. Never to this extent. Along the way Jason had forgotten, when the fact stays the same. It’s Jason’s stupidity that led him to this. He hears someone screaming in a high pitch voice. Sobbing, crying, and more painful screaming ringing in his ear. He knows, outside of his peripherals, somewhere, little Jason is angrily whirling into a mess.

 

“Ever since she left.” Bruce puts on a jacket.

 

Definitely Jason’s fault. He’s the one using Bruce’s grief to do this whole shebang. This is fucking karma. Jason just hoped his face is stoic because little Jason has been doing all the feeling. Jason hid his hands under the blanket, they’re shaking. His eyes almost water when he realized that...

 

“Is this the last time?” Jason casually asked, his soul is dying to scream at him.

 

Bruce looks back, eyes unmoving and staring hard, deep in thought, before Bruce finally sighs and sits on the edge of the bed beside Jason. It takes so much of Jason’s self-control to not pull Bruce into bed and never let him leave, to her.

 

“If you want it to be,” Bruce finally settled.

 

Jason wanted to shout, but he’s taking the high road. He cannot be hearing Bruce right. “Are you suggesting infidelity? Never takes you as that kind of person, no offense,” Jason shrugged, a painful smirk on his face.

 

Bruce doesn’t say a thing to get back at Jason. It’s both hearts shattering and infuriating.

 

“Look, Bruce,” Jason held Bruce’s jaw, turn his face to him, and saw the uncertain expression in his face, eyes still frozenly deep in thought. “Our deal only works because it’s basically sleeping around. Just... casual sex. I don’t know how long you’re trying to get her, but if you’re already in a relationship with her...”

 

“Jason doesn’t say it,” little Jason whimpered, “Please... I’m not ready fo--”

 

“... this can’t exist.” A scream tears the room apart, so nice of Bruce to not be able to hear it, Jason almost visibly flinch.

 

Bruce takes a second to think, eyes down on his lap again. It’s the most antagonizing seconds in Jason’s life. Hated how Bruce fucking pretends to think when Jason already know what he’s going to answer.

 

“Then I guess this the last time.” Bruce sighed dejectedly. Jason hated that he puts on that face like he had no other choice. He has, he’s just not choosing Jason. He bites back his cries, just little Jason crying is enough.

 

“If I knew it would be the last time, we could’ve done something special, you know, celebrate?” If only Jason know it would be the last, he would… he would… no, there’s nothing he can do… Jason knew this is how things will turn out, no matter what.

 

“It’s nothing big, I know I would always go back to her, and she knows she got me wrapped around her fingers, and I let her,” and Jason wrapped around in his.

 

How long he wonders… How long has Bruce thought about her while they were alone? Thinking and waiting about coming back to her while he’s in Jason’s arms. Was Jason not enough for him? Not enough to mend the loneliness, not enough to compete with Selina.

 

Jason can’t do this anymore, he can’t listen for another second to this.

 

“You don’t want to keep her waiting then,” Jason wanted to pat his jacket tidy and comb the loose strands of his hair behind the ear, but he couldn’t retract his hands from under the cover, they’re still shaking.

 

Bruce smiled at him, but not because of him. He felt like his breathing just stopped, there’s no hope.

 

He leans down to kiss the top of his head while his hand holding his face so gently, Jason can’t take any more of this.

 

“Thank you, Jason, for everything,” he said in his deep sweet voice, so endearingly, it made Jason thinks it still means something, Jason knows better now.

 

It sounded like a goodbye because it is one. Bruce waved at him before closing the door, and what’s left was Jason and his crying imagination. Eyes empty at the closed door, letting go the breath he didn’t realize was holding. For a second Bruce was in his arms, the next he was gone, never to come back. He didn’t remember what Bruce said, or if it’s real, Jason repressed it, he didn’t want to think about it.

 

“Please don’t let me think about it,” he whispered into empty space, but he knew little Jason is somewhere in the corner, listening.

 

Little Jason doesn’t say any words, just more incoherent wailing. Jason had heard that once too many times. He always remembers his voice when he was a teenager, crying because of a nightmare, because of his mom’s death. He hated that little Jason always makes him remember when he didn’t want to.

 

Balls of fists clutching the sheets till they shake. A drop or tear landed on top of his hands, followed by a few more. Little Jason finally came to view, sitting right next to him and laid his head on Jason’s lap, he’s quiet now. Jason put his hands on top of the bundle of black hair in his lap, patting it and feel the slightest comfort.

 

Suddenly the room feels too quiet, too empty. He’s not going to find him and Jason is not waiting for him to come back anymore.

 

There’s no one here but him and himself.

 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

It hasn’t really sunk in with Jason, not for the next month. Bruce never seeks him, and Jason was too scared to come to Gotham just to be left hanging there. Thankfully, Jason has been in space at that entire time, Kori needed their help over in Tamaran. Things have been… crazy would be an understatement, but it takes Jason’s mind off anything else other than his life.

 

It isn’t the first time Jason has been in space, also not the first time he’s away from earth this long. The moment he landed on earth, the first time he wanted to do was take a deep breath and meet him.

 

Even then, Jason didn’t let himself sink on it.

 

Then he found himself a few miles away from Gotham, staring at the glittery city from far away. His bike parked at the side of the quiet road, finding himself frozen in place while staring at the city. It’s calling him like lights to moths. Jason is fighting his instinct, his habit. He knew he shouldn’t be here, but he finds himself feeling like something is missing.

 

Deep down, he knows what it is, but some part of him ignores it, and the other rejects it whenever he came too close to think about it.

 

A month without him went by like a flash but at the same time, heavily dragged. Never went a month without seeing him, the longest was a month and a half and it was agony.

 

Now he misses those moments but finding himself unable to go back nor even asked for it, he can’t anymore.

 

“Why?” little Jason stood beside him, trying to clutching his sleeve, “He’s there, we can just go, and he’ll come.”

 

Jason didn’t even try to smile it off to himself, “He won’t.”

 

“But he always does!”

 

“Not anymore.”

 

“Why not?” little Jason whined.

 

“Because he can’t be ours anymore,” Jason starting to get pissed.

 

“But he wasn’t in the first place, so what’s the problem?”

 

Jason clenched his jaw as he stares down the child beside him. He doesn’t want to answer that, doesn’t want to say it with his physically, to listen to himself say it. He’s stubborn, he realizes that a long time ago, and he knows this is a whole other level of that. Don’t care. It’s inevitable to admit it, but Jason doesn’t want to admit it right now.

 

Not even this imagination could make him say it, and little Jason just stares back without another word.

 

 

++++++

 

 

Another month passed. Jason didn’t want to admit that he’s been waiting for his text, or a sign, or him entirely. A part of him still thinks Bruce’ll come around, whatever he tried with Selina won’t work a second time. He’s busy, Jason’s busy, that’s why they couldn’t meet, that after he came back, Bruce will seek him again.

 

The one that forced him to accept what had ended was not little Jason, but a message from Bruce. It was an invitation to his wedding.

 

_Selina and I are getting married, you and the outlaws are welcomed._

 

What’s attached next to it was the time and place.

 

He was in the Sahara desert, and the sun was glaring at them hard, but Jason felt chill running down his spine, feeling terribly cold. Dust accumulates around him, bullets going back and forth. Robots just walk past him, then emerge from the sand on his right. Despite the chaos, his whole world at that moment is the phone, those words, and everything else is silent.

 

“Hood! Stop staring at your phone! And watch for the bullets!” Artemis jumps in front of him, deflecting the bullets with her ax.

 

Jason slipped his phone on his pockets, grabbing a knife next to that pocket and starts dislocating more robots heads.  More robots and automatic machine guns emerge from inside the dunes, and Jason hacked one of the guns and started shooting all of them with it.

 

“Damn, Jay, what’s up with you?” The alien princess graced him with her opinion. Kori blasted the tanks away, so they can infiltrate this base that they’ve been trying to do for the whole day.

 

Surprise surprise, he was doing this for one of the bats too. He owed Nightwing a favor, the three of them owed him a favor, (back when Kori haven’t joined them). Now they’re infiltrating a base under all this sand that supposed to be Nightwing’s ally, but the Outlaws is here to prove the integrity of that fact, and to look around for some tech to use or just information that they could salvage.

 

The base looks abandoned, the cobwebs are intact, no one has been here for a while, which means there's a possibility that the defense before is automatic. Jason turned on one of the supercomputers there, seeing through the files.

 

Jason huffed, “Damn Nightwing, what are you getting into?” he saved his worry for later and transfer this data over to Nightwing right away. He’ll be the one that worries about his allies, not Jason.

 

They scavenge the place and return to their truck and skedaddle away. They can fly over through the Sahara, but they’re trying to keep a low profile.

 

“Red him okay?” Biz sits beside him on the driver’s seat, both girls sitting on the back of the truck are staring at him through the shattered window.

 

“No, but it’s nothing important,” Jason shrugged.

 

“If it’s enough to freeze in front of a darting bullet, I’d say it’s important,” Artemis adds in.

 

Jason really doesn’t want to tell, but it’s not like his team can’t know, and he doesn’t want to come alone.

 

“Bruce is getting married.”

 

And for a few seconds, there was no sound other than the engine truck roaring and the bumps of the road and sands sent forcefully flying by the tires and Jason’s rough driving.

 

“Again?” Kori raised her voice.

 

“Wait, _again_?” Artemis said, completely out of the loop of vigilante gossips.

 

“Yes, again, and we are all invited,  you guys coming?”

 

“Fuck yeah,” Kori yelled, startling Jason and her girlfriend, “There’s no way we’re letting you go there alone.”

 

“Or just don’t come, fuck him,” Artemis responded, and Jason doesn’t know why she’s so angry.

 

“Red him, Biz sorry,” even Bizarro is feeling sorry for him, he did not expect this kind of reaction from his friends.

 

Well, he did, but not to this extent, he has friends, not a squad of teen girls from mean girls.

 

“You guys, it’s... it’s not that big of a deal,” he yelled, trying to beat the noise of the rackety engine, “Bruce said he’s getting back with her two months ago, I knew...” _but I was in denial_.

 

After that, they said nothing anymore, just as confused as Jason is. Artemis sticks her hand through the window to pat Jason’s shoulder firmly.

 

“Things will be well,” she said wisely.

 

Of course things will be eventually. Jason had lived through hell, heaven, repeat, to know that things won’t stay the same, whether it’s the good times or the bad wallowing pain, but his journey towards that ‘well’ will be hell and he’s gonna need a shit ton of alcohol to get through that.

 

But sure, things will be well in the end, not before he’s through some shit first.

 

 

++++++++

 

 

Some shit starts after they finally took a break. They’re now going to Vegas, and what great way to vent his heartbreak than the sin city itself?

 

It would’ve been better if he had a job to do here, he did, and their drug bust went down too easy. He only checks on a few drug dealers under him, and after that, he had nothing to occupy his mind from the wedding.

 

The. Wedding.

 

God, a fucking wedding, and Bruce had the fucking _nerve_ to invite his sex friend for almost _a year_ to his wedding. Who would’ve thought that fucking Batman would even think marriage as a thing, that same Batman that gets hard at justice more than any girl or boy or other or neither or any fuckable things at all. And this is his second time at marriage. Second. Time.

 

Jason knew he had no right, no right at all to judge Bruce’s decision. He can’t just go there and slap his face, he has no right, because they’re not even in a relationship, it’s just fucking sex and Jason got carried away. He gets to hurt alone while Bruce marries the love of his life… again! And that love of his life was not Jason and it fucking sucks!

 

Jason is drunk, so, so drunk.

 

He’s going to puke.

 

He left the towering chips on his table, left the card dealer and his girls there as he rushed out of the casino. Poor potted cactus is not green anymore when it’s drenched in his stomach contents, and Jason couldn’t see the color of his own vomit as well.

 

A few guards trying to handle him away, which Jason really don’t take easily, so he punches, some landed, some doesn’t. Somehow, Jason managed to wrestle a handful of guards with only a few bruises.

 

Thankfully, he got the keys of his bike still in his pocket and ride his baby to the open road. Lately he’s been liking the empty spaces between the cities, devoid of people, and the thing about Vegas, is that if you drive long enough, you’ll reach their desert, peppered with cactus, bushes, weeds, rocky hills and some more rocks, along with dangerous animals that pop up at night, perfect.

 

Jason felt like similar to home in Vegas, looking at the glittery city far away while he sat on his bike, he’s been in a situation like this, viewing over Gotham where he is.

 

Shit, he didn’t bring any alcohol, he puked everything up in that potted plant.

 

The wedding is tomorrow, Jason already got a suit, and all his crew already had theirs. They can fly over to Gotham in a few minutes with Kori’s plane. No one is here to watch over him because he had a stern warning to them to leave him alone, ‘fuck off’, but they’ll get him when it’s time to go. For now, Jason just wants to… to be numb.

 

A little hard to be numb when you’re sobering.

 

But this way, he can appreciate the view. He can see Vegas from the hills he didn’t remember climbing up, and since he’s far away, he can see the stars up above, and he distract himself by naming the constellation he sees.

 

It only served as a distraction for a few minutes, then he remembered back then he used to play this game with Bruce too, who can find the constellations faster, and he bought Jason a telescope when he shows his interest in space. Not only that, the thing is, Jason was interested in a bunch of shit, and Bruce would buy him a bunch of shit without blinking. Back then, Jason didn’t even… he never saw Bruce as his dad, never. Fathers didn’t do the things Bruce did (as far as his knowledge about dads goes), and Jason definitely didn’t do things a son would. Not to his knowledge at least.

 

Bruce was a man doing charity work, too big of a heart to leave Jason alone, soon, he became his friend. Bruce was his crush at 14, and at 15, he loved him. Loved him through and through. Of course, there are times when he hated him, angry, and rejected. Bruce clearly didn’t love him back the same way, not more than the other bats he treated as his own son, and Jason was supposed to be one of those sons. Still, what he felt had stayed, until now.

 

In the end, Jason was just angry at him because his love is unrequited. Well, not all the time that he’s angry at him, about 68% of the time, that’s the reason. He just realized how many years he had loved him, and years of not moving on at all, and acting like a love-sick boy at 15 until now, Jason basically didn’t grow up. Bruce was not an easy man to love, but he did anyway.

 

How pathetic does that sound?

 

A lot, Jason needs to lay down.

 

Here’s hoping that there’s no snake around, or poisonous spiders lurking between the rocks. Too late, he’s already laid down. The uneven ground piercing through his jacket, but he thinks it’s acupuncture instead. He’s not gonna stand up anytime soon.

 

Stars are so pretty, so far away, infinite possibilities and worlds and Jason are stuck with this one. Stuck to attend a wedding of the one that got away.

 

It sucks.

 

It hurts.

 

It’s lonely.

 

There’s a gaping hole in his chest, it’s been there since Bruce closed the door behind him after saying thank you. Jason had been ignoring it, trying to numb it down, and just not think about it.

 

He can’t do that anymore, there’s only so much he can do to ignore it. Now he felt everything, the emptiness inside, the loss, and anger that melted in sadness.

 

He wonders how Bruce would react if he said that he loved him. He would say he’s sorry, and that he didn’t feel the same, Jason wonders if that’s the cure of this chronic pain.

 

That wouldn’t change anything though, does it? He can't call Bruce to meet up anymore, no dates, no more of that careless smile, burnt breakfast, or holding his hands. That’s what he wanted, to have those days back in his life. To see his eyes looking at him again, have his body pressed against him. Spending mornings together, talking to him, and just in the same space with him.

 

All he could get, was Batman, an angry old knight that hates him, Red Hood. All he could do is… pretend that he’s happy for him, while a woman takes his place on his arms.

 

He lost Bruce, he couldn’t have him anymore, not in any way, he completely lost him.

 

Jason lost his one and only person he had ever loved after his mother. When those type of people leaves him, they left a gaping hole in their shape. The painful wound will stay so long it felt like an eternity before gradually become forgotten yet never healed. Why do they keep leaving? What’s wrong with him that people keep leaving him? For once he wished someone answered those questions.

 

Between the voices of clashing weeds and bushes blown by the wind, a voice of someone familiar subtly grows, sobbing louder.

 

“Come here,” Jason called.

 

Little Jason walks in, stared down at Jason with teary eyes and his face wet with pouring tears, “Why do you look so calm when I… we’re a mess… you should’ve cried with me, as broken as me.”

 

Jason just smiled, he _is_ as broken, “Because I’m not surprised, I knew I’ll end up this way.”

 

“Why? Why put yourself in this situation?? If you knew he would’ve hurt you this way, we shouldn’t have got together in the first place!” Little Jason stomps his foot, tears had dried up and turned to anger.

 

“Didn’t you say yourself that you wanted him? I’m just doing what you wanted, and you knew what the odds were.”

 

“I still want him!” Little Jason drops to his knees beside Jason, wailing to the night sky, “And you let him go! If you could just say it to him! We might have a chance!”

 

“Can what?” Jason challenged.

 

“We could… have him, for this to mean something, for us to mean more than just a body to fuck! Don’t you want that?” Little Jason threw a fit, voice breaking into a painful hitch.

 

Of course, Jason wanted that, but reality is a bitch, she does her own thing.

 

“He fell in love Jason,” Jason said as-matter-of-factly, “Who am I to stand in his way?”

 

“Someone that loves him probably more than her!”

 

“Yeah but you know the difference? Batman proposes to Catwoman, and Bruce loves Selina. Us? Batman always fights with Red Hood, and I’m just Bruce’s sex friend, nothing more, nothing that your pretty little head made up is true.”

 

Little Jason stunned, eyes wide as he grits his teeth, “But… But we…”

 

“There’s nothing that we can do Jason,” now Jason glares back, “Nothing.”

 

“Then what I felt… what we felt…” little Jason frowned deeply, clutching his chest in a tight grip, “I love him… doesn’t that matter?” he closed his eyes as he winced in pain, tears streaming down like waterfalls.

 

Jason sighed, trying to calm himself from hearing his own plea. Ever since little Jason appears, it’s been hard to keep things bottled up like he used to. That little mouth has no breaks. He’s digging through Jason’s deep forgotten scars and desires and made Jason remember every single thing. He heard little Jason cry plenty, but this one is the hardest ones to hear. The pain in his chest digs deeper and deeper, making him harder to breathe.

 

Closing his eyes, calming himself, finding his ground, he focused on his breathing. Just breathe.

 

Jason never wanted to face his past and regrets, or even his unattainable desires, but with little Jason, he’s been forced to face them. He and his imagination had gone through ups and downs facing them. Some regrettable, some embarrassing, but always relieve in the end. Though this one ends badly, without little Jason, he might never have those good memories with Bruce.

 

Never would’ve made a move. Never knew how gentle he can be when he touches him. How loving he could be. How well they can get along. Would never have seen Bruce’s other side as well. How he can look at him fondly. He had his fun, now he reaps the pain, and you know what? Jason didn’t regret any of it.

 

“Then love him, Jason,” he finally said to the crying boy.

 

“Huh?”

 

“If you love him, then just love him.”

 

Little Jason shook his head, narrowing his eyes at Jason like he’s a mad man, “Are you fucking crazy? You masochistic asshole! I don’t want to move on! I want him. I don’t think I can... I don't... ” little Jason said more desperately, his words cut off by his own choking sobs.

 

Jason smiled it off, though still feeling like his chest is split open, the smile is genuine, “We’ll be okay.”

 

“How could you say that to yourself, to me! Feeling like shit…” little Jason whimpered, heads down while his cries hum through the night.

 

“Because there’s nothing else we can do,” Jason reached out to him, first brushing off the hair, he couldn’t feel it, but the hair moves to the touch, and that’s enough, “We can’t have him, Jason, it’s just something we have to accept.”

 

“But I… I love him,” little Jason whimpered, even more desperately.

 

“And we always do, we’ll love him for a long time from now, maybe one day we’ll find someone else, but now…” Jason spaced out into the sky, seeing flashbacks of their memories together and felt pain when he smiled, but he smiled happily, “I love him… and not having him is not going to stop me.”

 

Little Jason paused, but his lips parted open to say something, but nothing comes out. So, little Jason just cried, hands on his lap, tears pouring like no end.

 

“This sucks…” little Jason murmurs, and Jason chuckled.

 

“I know… come here…” Jason opened his arm, and little Jason laid down with his head on Jason’s shoulder as his body curled towards Jason’s.

 

Jason can finally feel the touch, little Jason’s red hoodie folds under Jason’s grip on his small shoulder, he remembered the unruly texture, it’s always damp with sweat. His hair is rough and prickly against his jaw, and Jason buries half his face on little Jason’s hair.

 

They hold each other close, seeking comfort. So many occasions that Jason wished he could go back and meet his younger self, and he finally can do what he wished to do if he could, to hold his younger self close like this, telling him things will be okay.

 

“We’ll be okay Jason,” he said to himself, his imagination held in his arm, “we’ll be fine.”

 

Jason closed his eyes and winced when his tears finally fall down to the sides. It was cold at Vegas’s desert that night, the body he holds has no heat, but Jason didn’t feel like he’s handling this pain alone. The gaping hole tearing his heart is still there, but Jason embraced the pain, knowing he’ll get used to it. It’ll numb in time, and fill it with something else later on.

 

With a sigh, his muscles soften from tension. He finds himself at peace with what’s about to come, feeling proud that he gets to calm little Jason.

 

The pointy surface is killing his back, but he managed to doze off with a view of the night behind little Jason’s hair.

 

Things will be well, even heartbreak heals, no matter how long.

 

Even after everything he’s been through, no matter how much loss he felt now, he didn’t regret every single second he spent with Bruce.

 

The only thing that’s breaking him inside is that maybe... what he thought Bruce felt for him was nothing more than pity after all. That what they had was not real enough to Bruce to mean something.

 

Jason doesn’t want to think about it, and this time little Jason agrees with him, not saying a thing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this is where I left off, but I have two more chapters after this one!
> 
> ANd I know Bruce seems like a dick in this fic, but i swear yall i'm going somewhere with Bruce......


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope i do this chapter decent...

Jason is strolling in Gotham, not on vigilante business of course, never again on vigilante business. The wedding is still in a few days, and he wanted to calm himself so the impending storm won’t make too much damage. Though Gotham isn’t the most ideal place for calm a ambiance, as much of a shitshow Gotham is for a city, it’s still his home. So, he likes visiting it just for the sake of visiting it.

 

Though he can’t lie, deep inside his little heart, he wished Bruce will come up to him. Mostly unlikely, Jason didn’t let himself hope too much.

 

He visits a familiar local bookstore. He knew the owner because he sells his own books there and Jason is a fan of them. He bought an iced tea from a little girl, her mom taught him Spanish when Jason still lives in the apartment. The girl only got her dad now, he’s a cool dude after he got a visit from Red Hood a few years back. Then his feet bring him to the park. It looks better than before, more well kept. A few benches were taken by homeless people sleeping on them, and Jason decides to just sit on the grass.

 

He took a spot under the tree and starts reading his new book, and his iced tea right beside him. Jason felt relaxed. Minutes went by and turned into an hour, the sun is high up, it’s noon but windy. It’s been a while since Jason feels peaceful. Afternoons like this he usually spent with Bruce, lounging away in Jason’s living room, eating whatever he cooked and watching a tv series., talking till they’re off to their own business.

 

Jason is digging this lone time self-care, though it seems like it won’t last long.

 

An old man with a walking stick reaches out to him in shaky hands, “Sonny boy, would you please help me?” his voice cracks. Behind his thick glasses, his eyes are bright like the sky.

 

“What can I help you with gramps?” Jason stood up, hands on the old man’s shaky ones and support him to stand.

 

The moment he got close to the old man, he whispers, “Are you on a stakeout Bruce?”

 

The old man just widens his eyes, his hands no longer shaking, “How did you know?” he said with the same cracking voice.

 

Jason curled his lips nervously. Honestly, he didn’t know, he just… knows it’s him. “Your eyes are too clear,” he said instead because he doesn’t want to sound creepy. “So, what are you doing here in a full disguise?”

 

Then Bruce spreads his heartfelt grin. It was out of character yet charming all the same. Though he can barely see his face through the disguise, just knowing it was Bruce, it’d doing weird things to Jason’s heart.

 

“I just wanted to see you, Jason, I missed you.”

 

His heart beats till his throat. Did Bruce just say that to him? Though Bruce might mean it platonically, it doesn’t stop Jason from feeling completely ecstatic that Bruce is here just for him. No tailing, no enemies to spy on, just for Jason. He wanted to ask about Selina, about the wedding, he thought the deal was off, but Jason doesn’t want to break this spell just yet. He misses Bruce too, so much that it haunts his dreams. There’s no way he’s letting Bruce go now.

 

Being outside when the sun is out for once in a lifetime in Gotham is blessing enough, but having Bruce here making his heart beats like the hummingbird. They hold hands through the walk in the park, Bruce didn’t seem to mind, then Jason won’t ever let go. They stroll around the city talking about pointless unimportant things like politics, celebrities, and TV series. Naturally, they reached Jason’s safe house/apartment.

 

Jason hesitates at first, but he invited Bruce up and completely surprised when Bruce agrees. Whenever they’re in that room, ‘something’ always happens. Jason can’t trust himself to not at least touch him in the slightest, but he’ll damn try, he doesn’t want Bruce to leave on a bad note. Bruce took off his disguise the moment the door closed behind them, and there the man he loves stood with expecting eyes.

 

Jason blinks owlishly. None of them said a thing. Each second passed added a weird tension between them. Jason wanted to walk over there where Bruce is and just kiss him stupid, but he can’t do that anymore.

 

Just after he brushed away the thought of it, Bruce steps forward, arms around Jason, holding tightly. Jason sucked in breath, only wasted 2 seconds to freeze then he wraps his arms around the other’s shoulder. He can’t believe what’s happening. Whatever it is, Jason doesn’t care as long as Bruce is here. Just as long as Bruce can stay longer before he... before he’s hers forever.

 

The pair of hands that Jason had worshipped pressed gently on each of his jaws, lifting his head up to meet his lover’s gaze. There he meets Bruce’s deep intoxicating eyes, showing something Jason never seen before, entirely filled with compassion and love as his thin lips twitch up in the most elegant smile. It takes all of his self-control to not choke up then and there. Bruce never gave him that look, he wonders what that means now that he’s...

 

Closing those deep blues, Bruce leans forward, temples pressed against each other. As much as Jason is loving this, he knew something is wrong, something is on Bruce’s mind.

 

“Are you okay? What happened?” Jason whispered, almost touching the top of the other’s lips, and it’s so terribly tempting. It’s not helping that Bruce kept glancing at his lips, then darts those sharp ice blue eyes back at him again.

 

His voice deep as he whispers, “I love you Jason,” the words as sweet as honey yet sharp as knives.

 

Jason clenched the shoulder he was holding onto, keeping them there as if he moves he’ll bleed out and die. Without care, tears pour down from both his eyes. They drop to the space between their feet.

 

With hammering heart and a bruise like pain in his chest, Jason looks up, and find that Bruce still has the same look, “You’re lying.” Jason lets himself pathetically sobs, Bruce didn’t say anything.

 

“You’re a lying... lying piece of shit.” Jason’s voice broke at the end, sobbing shamelessly as his tears raining cats and dogs. If it was not for Bruce’s arms holding him, Jason would’ve been on his knees.

 

“I’m not lying Jason, what can I do to make you believe me?”

 

It hurts beyond he had ever felt to hear those words from Bruce.

 

“I hate you,” Jason stutter, short in breath as he tries to pry himself away from Bruce, but the other didn’t let go.

 

“Please calm down, hear what I have to say... I love you.” Bruce whispered the sweet words right over his ears, hands forcefully clutching Jason’s arm.

 

“No, let go of me,” he growled, still sobbing from tears.

 

“I won’t let go until you believe me.”

 

“Please let go, don’t say anymore.”

 

“Believe me, Jason.”

 

“No.”

 

“Jason.”

 

Jason lowly whimpers, before he screams at the top of his lungs, “I hate you!”

 

 

His voice echoes to the clear sky and the glaring sun when he finally opens his eyes. Jason woke up alone to the sunrise on the bed of rocks of Vegas’ desert, just in time to see Kori landing beside him to pick him up for the wedding.

 

“You don’t have to go,” she said instead of helping Jason up, “Just say you’re busy or something.”

 

Jason took a deep breath, gathering his focus, “No, I want to come, I need to.”

 

The alien Princess had an incredulous look on her face, but sigh in defeat in the end. “Alright, if you want to,” Kori held both Jason’s hands and fly him to their trailer.

 

Jason cleaned up any residue of his vomit on him and tidy up his hair. With a cold shower, deep cleaning, and Kori’s make up skills, he managed to make himself not seem like he’s dying. Artemis dressed up in her satin red dress with a slit up till her mid-thigh, and Kori is in her purple dress, a heart-shaped and tight fit that reached her mid-thigh. Biz opted out, mainly because he didn’t want to see Superman. They all understand and left Bizarro be.

 

They have a cheap looking trailer, and barely can contain the four of them comfortably, but Kori’s space ship is a total opposite of their trailer. It can travel _way_ faster than the trailer, and spacious as hell. At this rate, they can get to Gotham in thirty minutes.

 

Jason wished they rode the trailer.

 

 

+++++

 

 

The wedding takes place in Wayne Manor. Surprisingly, there are no media storming in to get a good scoop on Gotham’s sweetheart’s high-class wedding. Bruce must’ve done something about them.

 

Everything feels like a blur. It felt like Jason isn’t really present the whole time he greets people and eating. Maybe it’s just hangover. He never saw the manor look this pretty and bright. Some of the windows are open, drapes of white satin hung here and there. Everywhere he goes there’s a smell of flowers. The longer he’s there, the more suffocating in his suit feels.

 

Unconsciously, he walks away from the crowd. He held a glass of wine, but he didn’t actually drink it. He barely talks to anyone. Not even his so-called brothers, and he had been trying to ignore Steph from approaching him. The scariest one is Cass. She kept staring at Jason from the distance like she knows something. Wherever he goes, he always found Cass somewhere around him, staring.

 

So, he escaped. He knew this maze of a home like the back of his hand and lets himself get lost in between the corridors. In the end, he found himself in his childhood room.

 

Everything is still there, it felt like he never left. There’s a tiny bookcase beside his closet for his favorite books. The sheets are a calming pastel yellow, on a bed too big and too soft for teenage Jason.

 

“I missed this room.” Little Jason popped up from behind him, looking out the window where the altar is set on the backyard.

 

Everything is quiet in his room. Not a lot invited to the wedding, thankfully. That means fewer people he interacts with. He’s not really well liked in the vigilante community, and some of them didn’t hold back their opinion. While usually Jason would gladly bite back, he’s just not up for it today.

 

“Jason?” little him called from the window. Jason is already exhausted. He knows he’s gonna deal with the brat for a long time.

 

He sits on the edge of the bed, “what?”

 

“Do you remember the first time you liked Bruce?”

 

“You’re there when I told Steph, it was a little bit after the pit--”

 

“You know that’s not true.” Little Jason turned around, face like he’s about to explode.

 

Yeah, he lied to Steph, the true answer would be too fucked up. But... man was it torturing and innocently blissful.

 

“So what? Why are we talking about that?” Jason hissed, pissed off already. Little Jason didn’t look like he’s gonna drop the topic. Little Jason is supposed to be _him_ , yet Jason didn’t know what he’s thinking.

 

“Because I don’t want to forget.” Little Jason approached, voice gradually gains volume. “I don’t care about the circumstances! Can’t you see we’re hopelessly--”

 

“I’m not repeating myself!” Jason stood up, looking down at his young self, “You know why it’s not happening.”

 

“But... but we’ve come so far.” Little Jason steps away, looking around the room. “We bottled up ourselves in this room, cried in this room, hoping for something impossible, but suddenly it’s not anymore, and there’s no way I’m letting him go.”

 

Little Jason turned around, eyes back to Jason. There’s a fire of desperate determination in his eyes, “We can’t give up, I don’t want to.”

 

“There’s no hope to begin with, you’re just being dumb,” Jason hissed, looking away.

 

“There is! We just... maybe we need to talk.”

 

“He’s getting _married_. We’re at _his wedding_. Just let it go!”

 

“No! I lo--”

 

“Stop fucking shoving me with all that ‘love’ shit! Love doesn’t solve your problems! It ain’t some magical super dust that can turn everything flowery and okay!” Jason snaps.

 

Little Jason pouts, lips trembling as his big blue eyes water. “But if we don’t do anything then I’ll never see him again.”

 

That’s true. Both Bruce and he are runners with problems like this. After the wedding, Jason will never meet him again, and Bruce will never come for him again. Like nothing ever happened.

 

“No! You can’t do that! You can’t take my happy memories from me!” Little Jason throws himself towards Jason, visibly hitting him, Jason only feels little thumps, but the pathetic wails wring his insides till it felt blue.

 

“The past stays in the past! Do you really want to torture yourself thinking back to the past you can’t go back to?” Jason points to the whole room, and Little Jason looks away.

 

“But if you don’t let me have him, then I’ll have him any other way. I refuse to let Bruce go! We’re not letting him marry that wench! If he can marry a criminal, then he could be together with you!”

 

He didn’t know if he should be surprised by his own self deprecating comment or the fact that his brat self is kinda right. Though it’s more than that...

 

“No, it’s not more than that! You grown-ups always overcomplicate yourselves! If you love someone, you just love them!” He didn’t remember ever being this innocent.

 

“I told you, we are, he’s just not ours.”

 

“He’s ours!”

 

Jason is getting a headache. He’s not going to fight himself from his own stubborn topic. If life rolls around differently, maybe in another time where vigilantism just isn’t a trend, maybe he would’ve gone for it. Bruce being just his own emotionally constipated self, and Jason just being his own explosive self. No masked politics indifference to interfere. Sadly, reality says differently.

 

Groaning frustratingly, Jason closed his eyes and pressed his face to his palms. Jason is not one to dwell in the past. What happens in the past, stays in the past. He had figured that having that mentality is better for his overall being. But since Little Jason is here, he kept being reminded of the past he had been trying to desperately forget. It’s irritating, it pushed him on the edge, it made him do things he didn’t want.

 

“Who _are_ you?” Jason spat out of frustration, his little self shrunk in his old red hoodie. He found it odd himself that he never seriously question his hallucination. At first, talking to himself is comforting, feeling like he’s not alone, but now little Jason is not welcomed.

 

“Why are you here?” Jason steps forward, demanding an answer.

 

“You know why I’m here Jason. I’m you!”

 

“Miss me with that cryptic talk. Give it to me straight!” Jason shoved him, but his arms went through. Seems like little Jason is the only one that can touch him.

 

“I... I just...” Little Jason looks down timidly, hands clenched tight to the side. Jason used to do that whenever he’s frustrated. “I told you before! I’m you! And I’ve always been here!, But you cast me aside, shoved me into the darkest corner of your mind. You ignored me, and I just can’t take it anymore! I need to go out, and I’m not sinful, I’m just me! We’re just...” Little Jason fumes the more he talks. Hands threw up and land on Jason’s chest, pounding out of anger.

 

“You’re human Jason! With fears, regrets, hopes, and love! I’m not shameful! _We're_ not shameful!” He screamed, hands balled to Jason’s shirt but the fingers went through the clothes.

 

Jason stood there like a stone as a realization came to mind. It doesn’t really matter where little Jason comes from, or perhaps he’s a curse from the supernatural side of this fucked up world. He can contact Zatanna or John Constantine, they’re the supernatural trouble go to, but... maybe Jason can take care of this on his own.

 

He finally understands why little Jason is here. Though the symbolism is a whole other level of over the top. His hands reach out to pat the top of his little self, and little Jason burst into tears as his hands wrap around Jason’s torso like he _knew_. Sighing his heavy heart, Jason hugged his little self back, pressing his lips thin. Yeah, his young self would’ve been disappointed by him.

 

He looks out the window, the people are already gathering by the altar, sitting in their respected seat.

 

It’s time.

 

 

++++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the last one!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Drama emo cringe ahead.

 

 

He’s sitting beside Steph, who gave him a stink eye and an earful for disappearing. Jason knows she’s worried, but she doesn’t ask about why Jason is here, because why shouldn’t he? He’s supposed to be one of his sons too. Barbara gave him an understanding smile, while Dick just seems worried that Jason would do something stupid. Well, he’s about to. Damian however, never had looked this smitten. His face just as bad as baby Hitler, but he smiled at the image of his dad and Selina facing each other with a disgustingly happy smile.

 

Her lovely back completely shown by her open back wedding dress that has trains that go on for meters. She walks alone, with head high, and stood there waiting for her is Bruce, his Bruce, and Alfred, the officiator of the wedding. Those steely blue eyes didn’t look at him anymore, but at the woman walking towards him. Bruce never looked at him that way. The eyes that practically says ‘I love you’. Maybe once, when Bruce thought he wasn’t looking, but was it even real?

 

They hold hands, eyes on each other, smiling like they’re the happiest pair in the universe. His breath hitched underpressure, strangled by the end of his throat. As they say their vows, their words push him closer to a saddening realization, that there was never a chance in the first place. The first time Bruce shows vulnerability, the first time he gets the man to lay in his bed, Jason had been fighting for something that he can never win in the first place.

 

He can’t stay still anymore. He wanted to just get up and leave, he doesn’t want to listen to this.

 

“I object!” Jason jolts, “That man had been sleeping with me the entire time they’re rebounding! This is a fucking mistake.” Jason felt his heart pound, he’s clenching his fist white to calm himself. “This is wrong! This can’t happen! Bruce is mine! Tell them, Jason! Don’t just sit there and... and do nothing! Get up! Stop them!”

 

Little Jason shoots up to his line of vision, eyes red and wet from crying glaring at Jason, “Do something!” he begged, and Jason looks away, gritting his teeth as he sits still. Little Jason can scream all he wants, but Jason can’t do what he wanted him to do.

 

“I now pronounce you man and wife.” Alfred’s voice sounds so painfully happy.

 

He felt his ears ringing, each clap like thunders sent to his chest. Jason felt numb, but Bruce looks so happy, smiling carelessly, he has never seen him like that before. Months together, thinking what they had was real. Jason doesn’t know shit, it was nothing from the very beginning. The dates, the jealousy, the little moments that made him giddy, it was nothing.

 

Bruce walks down the aisle with Selina in his hand. The crowds are standing up, giving a round of applause and cheers and whistles. His eyes meet Bruce’s, the rare carefree smile that graced his face melts and disperses as he nods at Jason. Was that guilt? Was that regret? Was coming here a mistake? Despite the thoughts, Jason can’t do anything but smile back. He can hear little Jason sobbing harder as his voice screams. The boy is wrapped around his waist, face pressed on his side, crying.

 

Bruce has never looked that happy when he’s with Jason, while Jason had been over the moon every time. His hand froze, he couldn’t move them to clap anymore, it felt clammy and shaking. Jason couldn’t breathe, it felt as if his heart has stopped working, his sanity stopped working.

 

Bruce has walked away, taking a chunk of Jason with him, and it hurts so damn much when it downs on him, that Bruce won’t return to Jason’s bed ever again.

 

 

 

For a small number of people, the reception is pretty crowded and loud. Maybe it’s the insanely good alcohol or insanely good buffet courtesy of Alfred. Kori and Artemis completely lose themselves on the dance floor. Laughing maniacally as they twirl and shakes like a professional tango dancer. Tim is dancing with Kon, last time he sees them he’s with Steph. He didn’t know about that development. He’s really out of the loop, and it will stay that way.

 

Jason stood by the sidelines with an empty glass of wine, witnessing Bruce dancing with _all_ of his children. Dick enthusiastically throw himself in Bruce’s arms, leading the dance while Bruce just chukles at his oldest’s antics. Tim ducked his head down, clearly embarrassed. Barbara and Steph also danced with him, the difference is that Steph steps on Bruce’s toes like it’s a cockroach. Damian had been resistant but complies as seeing his brothers does it as well. The best dancers out of all are, of course, Cass.

 

After dancing with all his kids, Bruce seemingly trying to find Jason, who’s been hiding between the satin poles and crowds. Jason made himself visible only from far away, to lure Bruce to a place where they can be alone. He thought drinking half bottle of wine is enough to tone down his nerve for a bit, but it worked less than he hoped. Here he goes anyway.

 

Bruce saw him as he walked through the crowd, and he looks back just in time to meet Bruce’ eyes on him as he disappears back into the house.

 

He waited by the library, right by the window overseeing the side of the manor. It’s his favorite spot back then. Got good light, and he would play chess, talk, have afternoon teas in this table. Just spending peaceful times when he needs the quiet calm.

 

As expected, Bruce came to his line of vision after a minute. Face stoic and unreadable, means that he’s thinking, waiting for Jason to speak to fit what he shows on his face.

 

“Didn’t think you’ll follow me. This is your wedding after all, wouldn’t want the groom to not be on his celebration.” Jason pushed himself up from leaning against the window.

 

The nerve didn’t really strum him strong this time, maybe he’s better at this than he thought. This is just Jason being himself with Bruce being his broody Batman self. Both of them are alone, and it’s comfortably familiar.

 

“I’ve danced with all of my kids, I’m here to dance with you.” Bruce extended his hand.

 

The man didn’t smile at him. Not like he did with Selina. The man didn’t have the glint of happiness in his eyes, unlike they did when on the altar. But here in this library with Jason, the moment is theirs. A little bit of them belonged to each other.

 

With a little bit of hope and a pinch in his chest, Jason took Bruce’s hand. The music can be heard from the distance. A soft and sweet ballad that sounds like it’s from the ’50s. It feels like old times. Alfred taught every one of them to dance to waltz. The only one who truly learned it is both of them. Like some kind of fate.

 

Shockingly, this isn’t the first time they’ve danced. Back in the confusion of their relationship, another secret meeting conceived in Jason’s safe house, Jason had cheekily requested a dance like this.

 

Just like that night, they escaped everything else in the world. Where they’re just Jason and Bruce having a little domestic fun.

 

The suit fits Bruce nicely, and for once his face doesn’t have any bruise and his hair is all slicked and tidy. Yet still devilishly handsome as any day. Jason didn’t need to look up much, how his growth put him as tall as Bruce must’ve been good karma. Their eyes are level and on each other as they sway gently to the music. Those usually cold eyes are warm, and an unexpected smile blooms on his face. Jason didn’t even want to hide that he’s also enjoying whatever this is. The illusion that they belong together, is nothing but a sweet illusion.

 

Jason shook his head. He wished he didn’t think of that yet. He wanted to keep this up as long as circumstances let it possible.

 

“Why did you invite me to your wedding? This is fucked up Bruce.” He asked, there’s no malice in his voice.

 

“Because you’re my son, of course I’m inviting you to my wedding,” Bruce answered, an uncharacteristic hitch caught his breath.

 

Jason understood then, “Ah, a front.” Bruce was about to say something, but Jason cuts him in, “No, I get it, I really do. But why are you _here_?”

 

“I thought you wanted me to follow you.”

 

“C’ mon world’s greatest detective, you know why I want you to follow me.”

 

Bruce’s eyes drills through his soul, tightening his hands holding Jason’s.

 

“I do,” Bruce admits.

 

That was enough to let Jason understand. Bruce wanted this too, despite having someone so much better, the groom is still here.

 

“This is all that we are Bruce,” his voice came out gentler than he predicted, “The both of us can only exist in four walls.” Jason brought one of his hand up, caressing Bruce’s jaw, seeing the man leaned into his touch both crushed and warmed his heart.

 

Jason stutter as he breathes in, “Anyone would’ve known how much you mean to me if you asked me to dance with you back there.”

 

Bruce stopped his steps, but Jason was the one letting go of his hands. Bruce didn’t seem surprised, but there’s a pain in his eyes, acknowledging it. It’s not a surprise if Bruce had known, Jason must’ve not been subtle. And that’s all right, Bruce can know, only him.

 

“You knew,” Jason stated.

 

Bruce nods.

 

“And you didn’t say anything because...” _I’ve never seen you this happy_. He had known, but to swallow that truth felt like swallowing a pill as big as your fist. “...pity.”

 

“Because I do too.” Bruce immediately corrects, and Jason blanked out, eyes dug to the ground. He’s not hearing this.

 

“M-maybe he’s saying the truth?” Little Jason popped out of his vision, clutched on Jason’s side. Every time he exists he always bitch about making Bruce his, and now he’s doubtful. Guess this brat really is him. “H-hey, it’s not as impossible as you think... You think he’s telling the truth right?”

 

“I’m telling the truth, Jason.” Bruce reminded, and Jason twitch at the tone, “Look at me... please.”

 

Jason breathes in. He’s been afraid many times in his life, this is not even one that threatens his life, yet just looking up scared the shit out of him. There’re many questions that could lead to a fight, many questions he’s afraid to say.

 

A pair of arms grabbed his face, lifting up his eyes to meet Bruce’s worried face. Eyes as sharp as daggers as they bore through Jason’s soul.

 

“I’m telling the truth.”

 

“Then why are both of us here?” Jason hissed, and he hated how Bruce’s face distorted by the water pooling in his eyes. “If you’re telling the truth then why are you here, in your wedding, sneaking this conversation behind your wife, I...” Jason clamps his jaw.

 

Many questions. One he fears the answer.

 

“If you’re telling the truth... why...”

 

“Why didn’t you choose me?” Little Jason sobs. Now crying openly, while hiding behind Jason’s back.

 

“Why didn’t you choose me?” Jason repeated. He didn’t want to, but he knows he needs to because it’s what little Jason said. Simply because it’s what he wanted to say. Little Jason looked up to him in surprise, while Bruce clenched his jaw.

 

He saw the stubborn man seems speechless, for once, unsure of what to do. This time, Jason is the one who didn’t waver.

 

What could possibly be going through Bruce’s mind? Is he just looking for the best answer to say? Or is it just too hard to say what he really feels?

 

“Because we can never fully accept each other, isn’t that what holding us back?” Bruce’s face is as stoic as ever. And Jason knew he’s not facing Bruce anymore. This is Batman, the emotionless higher-than-thou bastard trying to ‘do the right thing’.

 

“He’s wrong.” Little Jason whined, “Jason, you know he’s wrong.” _I know_ , Jason said to himself. No more hiding. He gathered his strength by the tightness of his fist and the visualization that little Jason in by his side.

 

“You’re wrong Bruce... You never will, but I did. I’ve always did, eventually,” Jason chuckled wetly as he shrugged, knowing that he’s pathetic right now.

 

A few emotions flashed Bruce’s record-breaking icy face. See each of them passed. Disbelieve, suspicion, realization, pity, self-blame, then it ends with shock. Eyes full-blown, wide as those icy blue stare back at Jason. He knows there must’ve been a lot of things going through the detective’s mind. So many questions that he didn’t even know which one first to ask.

 

“Why?” Bruce managed. The easiest question to the hardest answer.

 

“Because I love you Bruce! I truly do...” Little Jason runs and held Bruce’s chest, looking up to Jason like begging. Jason knew the pain and sadness in little Jason’s eyes mirrored in his. His heart runs a thousand miles an hour, biting his lips nervously, but Jason understands.

 

“Because I love you Bruce.” Jason grins painfully, the words spilled along with his guts. Closing his eyes to drown the water right back to his eyelids.

 

Jason takes in a loud breath in, smiling as he opens his eyes to see Batman’s hard glare, assessing. It feels like a lost cause to say what he felt, he knew that none of it will go through. One more look to little Jason’s begging face and Jason knows it’s not about letting Bruce understand, but it’s about what little Jason wants to say, what _he_ wants to say.

 

“I’ve loved you for a long time. That’s why I was so angry when I’m back, I feel betrayed by the person I’ve loved. But then, I understand that it’s just who you are and what you stand for. It’s really hard to accept at first since you’re really not helping your case,” Jason stopped to chuckle, “Part of me thinks I deserve it. Your punches and snide and your disapproving eyes. Part of me thinks _you_ deserve it when I act on it with my fists. But even after that, I found myself... always, still, helplessly in love with you.” Jason sighed, the pressure in his chest just went out with the words spilling through his lips.

 

He just said what he feels like saying, not knowing whether it’s for the best or not. It’s just what he wanted to say. What he felt. The overwhelming surge of emotions piling deep down till it hurts. He looks up back to Batman, and found Bruce, in utter confusion as he froze in place. Even Jason didn’t know what that reaction meant.

 

“Please say something,” Jason breathed out.

 

Bruce loses all the tension in his body.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Bruce admits.

 

“At least tell me what you feel about me, us. What it meant for you.”

 

Bruce’s eyes never falter, always on Jason, and it’s painful each second that Jason has to look at them. Waiting for the impending answer Jason knew.

 

“You mean a lot to me, Jason. At first, it was lust, and it was just to see you happy with me, we never had that. Yes, I choose her, but there’s no lying to myself that I do miss you-that's why I’m here.” Bruce admits the tone seems like he just said something he shouldn’t have. Eyes full of regret after saying it, but at the same time, full of endearment Jason had thought was a lie.

 

It’s so hard to believe. It’s so hard to accept that what he’s saying is true when he’s here already married to another. But he has to admit that Bruce is saying the truth when his vulnerability is in full display. This is one of the rare times that that face is in pain.

 

“Even though you love Selina?” Jason asked.

 

“Even though I love Selina, but I also love you...” Jason felt that word like a hammer to the rib cage, confusion is clear in Bruce’s eyes, but it was truthful. It’s Bruce, not Batman. “I’ve always loved Selina, we go way back. I know at the end of my road, I’ll end up with her. But you... you’re new, suddenly I have you.” Bruce’s eyes falter to the carpeted floor, unclenching his fist that Jason hadn’t realized had been holding tight.

 

“With you, I forget the world for a while and just be. I thought it’s what I needed, let myself be... happy, and just be with you. Forget that other part of us, and I thought what we had was platonic, maybe it was at first... I didn’t know exactly when I began to let myself in deeper. Then I only realized that I love you when I caught myself missing you these past couples of months, wanting to go back to you.” Bruce looks up to him, eyebrows up and mouth gapes like he just realized something.

 

Jason saw that look, and he feels just as clueless as him, because... what now?

 

Then silence. Jason smiled. Not the most satisfying answer, but he knows that Bruce is telling the truth. It pains him to realize what this meant, what Bruce’s silence meant. That the spot taking Bruce’s heart is still Selina, despite that he... he loves him too. The confusion is real in his face, and he meant every word he said. In another circumstance, Jason would deny that at first but then would jump up on him and kiss him all over.

 

“Did you mean that?” Jason whispered, almost whimpered.

 

“I do.”

 

Jason scoffed, smiling at himself. _I do, he said_. Ironic. But even so, here they are. Despite what they felt, they’re still hiding. Jason wouldn’t have any problems at all, but the one that needs to figure things out is Bruce. He knows how frustrating it is to wait on him, to be second in someone he loves. But then again, for Batman, the person he loved will always be second. Jason had accepted that, but now even he can't occupy that second place.

 

Jason should feel angry, sad, and fuck off, but he felt nothing but relieved. Like a heavy burden lifts off from his shoulder, no more painful tugs in his heart, just him and his feelings completely bare. He wonders if this is closure, or maybe it’s just another problem on top of a problem. None of them are good at this talking thing or even relationship for that matter. He knew from the start that doing _anything_ with Bruce will be anything but easy, yet Jason is still here.

 

Yet, Bruce loved him too. Somehow that’s enough. Just to know what they had was more than what they had agreed on, and Jason didn’t imagine things like he imagined little Jason. He knows that he can’t have Bruce despite that. Maybe not now...

 

“What do we do now?” Jason asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Bruce answered truthfully.

 

“Well, you know what _I_ want,” Jason shrugged, simply stating, and he sees Bruce held his breath a nanosecond at that. Jason scoffed at the stiff man, thinking it’s what Jason demanded. Jason can’t even force Bruce to do anything he didn’t want even if Jason held a gun against his head. Jason had said his piece, now the last decision is not from his hand.

 

“But _you_ don’t know what you want, so, when you figured that out,” Jason steps forward, hands on the face of the man he adores, “You know where to find me.”

 

“And if I never did?” Bruce asked, Jason knew he would ask that.

 

“That’s okay too... I’ll wait.” Jason almost laughed at himself. This is too selfless for his own good, but he meant it. Maybe he needs to make it a bit harder for him, just to give a little edge, “But don’t take too long. You’re not the only one with two people is your heart,” Jason teased.

 

Looking to his ex-lover face, making such a complicated expression in his presence. Jason knows Bruce didn’t forget anything, and he remembers that guy Noah from the death metal concert, even though Jason had already forgotten where he puts his number.

 

Maybe back then, Jason would’ve done so many things to make him smile and be in the moment, but letting Bruce furrowed his brows in confusion is good for him in these circumstances.

 

Jason’s face grows closer, to his surprise, Bruce also leans towards him. Their lips are a hairline from each other. Warm breath lands on his face, the shape of his body pressed against him takes him back. Jason pats the face in his hand, smiling as he bore his eyes to those clear blue eyes one last time. He stops himself before their lips get to touch.

 

“Goodbye, Bruce.” He leans in, kissing his cheek, and he slides away from Bruce’s arms, walking towards the reception area without looking back.

 

Each step lighter than before and the world didn’t seem so bleak. Yes, he’s not chosen, but he’s loved.

 

They had loved each other. Still does. The fact keeps him afloat, for now.

 

“Jason!” Steph came rushing towards him, her tulle gown flowing everywhere as she runs. She put a death grip on Jason’s hand and he was pulled on the dance floor immediately.

 

“Steph! What the freaking--”

 

“Dance with me!” Steph demanded, screaming and red-faced. She’s drunk. So are half of the people here. Might as well. This is a happy day after all!

 

Jason downed a couple of shots. Dancing with god knows who. He danced with the Tamaran Princess, doing a complicated tango for old times sake, and in Roy’s memory. The people around clapped when they’re done. Jason sobered up by the sweat he’s making. Then downed a couple more alcohol, and dance some more. He danced with Barbara, Dick, Cass who’s even better than Kori, even Damian (he’s trying to best Jason out of spite).

 

Maybe he’s been drinking too much, he didn’t see where he’s going, and when his eyes focus on his newly obtained dance partner, his feet froze for a step. Bruce’s expression is just as hard as his, they stumbled upon each other accidentally. Hands already clasp each other and they’ve danced.

 

Jason scoffed, smiling drunkenly, “Smile you old man! It’s your wedding!” and Jason twirls before landing his chest on top of Bruce’s, hard. Picking up the pace of their steps, and Bruce keeps up with him with an entertained smile.

 

Jason felt no pressure being with him. Being that close, dancing like they did when they’re alone. Jason is smiling stupidly, but he didn’t care if anyone sees. After a few steps, Bruce slips away to Selina, and Jason onto another. Bruce loved two-person, and maybe one day, like this dance, they both will fall on each other’s arms again.

 

“I take it that your talk went well?” His dance partner asked, and only now Jason realized it’s Artemis.

 

“It is,” Jason looks at the couple dancing happily.

 

“Then I’m happy for you, my friend.” Artemis twirls him, and Jason giggled.

 

They danced till the sun almost sets. Jason approached the couple, surprisingly didn’t feel as hard as he thought. Looking at Selina’s elegant face compliments Bruce’s well. Like they’re made for each other. It’ll be a lie if Jason didn’t feel the tiny bit of jealousy. Yet still, the happiness he felt for them is genuine.

 

They bid their goodbyes, and he, Kori, and Art hopped onto the alien spaceship. Before the hangar closed completely, Jason looks back to see Bruce looking at him.

 

Jason smiled, mouthing ‘until I see you again,” and gave a salute. The hangar closed, and they flew away.

 

Art is on the front chair next to Kori, driving the ship. At the back, Jason sits quietly with an opened shirt. Eyes hollow to the ceiling. Rundowns of his talk with Bruce breaks down in his mind. Even though he just cringed at some phrases he said, he wouldn’t have it any other way. He did what he had to do.

 

At the corner of his sight, there he is again. Little Jason stood with his back on Jason, standing ominously. He’s not moving at all, heads down and sullen.

 

Jason raised an eyebrow, “why are you still here?” he whispered, hoping his friends didn’t hear.

 

Little Jason turned around, eyes still down, hands fumbling with each other. “I’m not here to cry over it... I’m just... I don’t know, I’m gonna miss him,” Little Jason gazed towards the hangar.

 

Sighing, Jason patted the space beside him and extend his arm, “I understand, come here.”

 

Little Jason sat beside him, head on Jason’s shoulder. Despite what just happened, Little Jason didn’t cry this time.

 

“Thank you Jason, for telling him what I said.”

 

Jason smiled, hugging himself close, “As it should have been.”

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! I know it's not that much of a happy end, but I think this is the ending i'm most satisfied with.... There are other endings in consideration, there's a hard maybe at bonus chapter, since i have a history of getting attached to things.... but please dont count on that :"D

**Author's Note:**

> whaddayathink??
> 
>  
> 
> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)  
> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


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